Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Sudetenland Tales

Page 474

But there was still one major kink in my plan. How exactly would I exterminate all these people that I’d caged and kidnapped so cleverly, the billions of them?

Guns? Knives? Fire? Explosives? Poison? As I’m only one man, such methods were obviously unworkable. Nuclear arms? That wouldn’t do either. I’m just a regular (albeit super-homicidal) sort of civilian, and I simply don’t have access to Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Ah ha, I got it! I thought in another moment of triumphant perspicacity.

I’ll let disease, starvation, and old age wipe them out, I vowed. Car accidents, house fires, and drownings. Hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, and floods. Shark and bear attacks. Lightning strikes. And the people themselves will assist me. Political wars, ethnic cleansings, terrorist attacks, drug wars, fatal crimes of passion. Yes, any person who kills another person, whether by intent or accident, will unknowingly be one of my hit men, one of my soldiers. Every suicide victim, unbeknownst to the victim, will be a kamikaze warrior acting in my service. My weapons will be Mother Nature, Chaos, and Humankind itself! And though it might take a while, eons even,