Sudetenland Tales by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Sudetenland Tales

Page 451

Holy Holograms, Batman

In Badinagia, Sudetenland, the hologram program ran.

The computer started and GW Pabst simultaneously starts the movie camera, which sits motionlessly on a tripod. He sits behind a desk which has a small pile of papers, while the guests take seats in the ten empty chairs, five to each side of him.

Pabst smiles at the camera, introduces himself, and says that this is the first in a series of productions titled; “Where We Are.” He then introduces each of the guests, stumbling over David Foster Wallace, calling him Larry Bird. My hologram was programmed prior to the time of “Infinite Jest,” before David adopted the retro, long, messy, faux hippy hairstyle. David grimaces and tediously makes the correction and Pabst mumbles something about his name being the longest one on the show, as he thinks he surreptitiously scratches. Wallace winces and says; “Ted; I have my reservations, but I must ask you, is this the year of the Depend Adult Undergarment?”

Ted wonders how David knew his dirty little secret, and proceeds to try and gloss things over by re-focusing on the audience; which is the camera and me. Ted, then, pretended to ignore me and says to the camera; “The theme for tonight’s discussion is modern times, or perhaps I should say post-modern times. The