Narragansett Pier After Midnight by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

Podcast

Karl and Ernst decided to once again approach Bela-Count Amdis.

They had been doing a weekly podcast called “Whitel Ruminations”

for almost a year and had six non-paying followers, five of whom they suspected were bots. Bela was initially skeptical, but acquiesced after the boys agreed that he would be known only as Count Amdis, vampire. He also thought it was good that he would be able to extend knowledge of his existence to those without a view of the Fuhray house, and potentially scare the darkie home invaders away.

Bela pushed it and inquired about compensation. Karl informed him that their policy was not to grant wages, as that makes for wage slaves; but rather to share revenues, when received, through a system remarkably similar to that of the web’s supposedly up and coming aggregator, Daft2Pilfering, which

“doesn’t make any money, unless you do.” ....... Yeah, that is unless you want to change something which we have arbitrarily rejected. That’s a token or two at $25 per. ...... Hey, you think our business partners give us stuff for nothing? .......

Sheeeeit! We pay you when your royalties exceed a certain threshold, if you have properly filled out the tax form which we always find deficiencies with, and if we have not deleted your

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account due to a violation of our policies, which we have not stated.

Despite his age, being a novice podcast guest, Bela went for it.

Karl: “Good evening. This is Karl Whitel again with my best little brother Ernst, to bring you another segment of “Whitel Ruminations,” ..... as it were. Thank you for joining us tonight. I must admit, it’s not every day one interviews a vampire, and our guest tonight is Count Amdis of Narragansett Pier. So, welcome Count Amdis, and tell us, why did you choose to become a vampire?”

Count Amdis: “Ah, the age old question. It’s not so much a choice as it is a calling. You see, immortality has its allure, but it’s the finer things in life; or should I say, unlife, that drew me in. The moonlit waltzes, the gothic castles, the endless nights of contemplation and art.”

Karl: “That sounds ..... rather romantic. But surely, there must be downsides?”

Count Amdis: “Of course, of course. Nothing is perfect. The diet is rather restrictive, and sunbathing is out of the question.

But one adapts. I’ve developed quite the palate for O negative, and I’ve taken up moon tanning, which has its drawbacks.”

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Karl: “Fascinating. And what about the loneliness? The eternal life without companionship?”

Thana: “I think that I’ve just been insulted. Bite this stupid disrespectful boy!”

Count Amdis: “In time, Thana. In time. Ah, my dear interviewer, you assume I am alone. Can’t you see my girl here? The night is filled with whispers, the shadows are my friends, and the bats; well, they’re excellent listeners. Besides, I have my fellow nocturnal brethren.”

Karl: “I see. And what would you say to those who fear you?”

Count Amdis: “Fear is but a misunderstanding. Loathing is a matter of an acquired taste. I am not the monster under your bed; I am the guardian of the night. I ensure the stars keep shining, the secrets stay hidden, and the stories of old remain alive.”

Karl: “Very poetic. One last question concerning your ......

your ...... your ethnicity, as it were, in terms of ..... in terms of ..... you know. If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you still choose this path?”

Count Amdis: “As I previously said; it’s not so much a choice as it is a calling. Try paying some attention. It sometimes helps.

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Yes, and insofar as it mimics the ruling jewish experience, without a heartbeat’s hesitation. This existence is an endless waltz, a sonnet with no end. It’s a masterpiece painted in shades of midnight. Why would I ever choose the loved and mundane over the hated, feared and magnificent?”

Karl: “Let’s dive right in. Why Narragansett, of all places?

Aren’t you predisposed toward Transylvania?”

Count Amdis: “That’s so racist ........ err, species-ist. And Transylvania, with all its gender based discriminatory notions.

I’m starting to fume. Next, you’ll be calling me one of those forbidden fighting words. ......... “

Karl: “Relax, relax. I didn’t say leech, suck-face, toothy, fang-face, moon-boy, or flat-pulse, and never would; at least as long as we were in the same room. So, let’s try again. Why have you chosen to settle in Narragansett?”

Count Amdis: “Ah, Narragansett! More precisely, Narragansett Pier. The land of ..... well, it’s not really the land of anything in particular, is it? That’s precisely why I chose it.

It’s the perfect canvas for the theater of the absurd that is my life.”

Ernst: “My turn. Interesting perspective! Could you elaborate on that?”

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Count Amdis: “Of course I could. Dumb question.”

Ernst: “Sheeeesh. Picky semantical grammar nazi. Okay. Would you elaborate on that?”

Count Amdis: “Of course! You see, in Narragansett Pier, the seagulls recite Shakespeare, the waves conduct symphonies, and the sand ..... Oh, the sand! It’s like an ever shifting stage where my existential monologues find their true audience.”

Ernst, mumbling while grinning: “All five of them.”

Count Amdis: “I beg your pardon.”

Ernst: “And the people of Narragansett Pier? How do they fit into your ..... unique lifestyle?”

Count Amdis: “The people are the most intriguing characters in this play. They walk their lobsters on leashes and have philosophical debates with the local ice cream vendor about the flavor of the week. She’s with her sailor by the hotdog trailer; that’s the holy grail. It’s a community where the norm is to be rooted in the glorious past, and yet delightfully unconventional.”

Ernst: “It sounds like a place where reality and imagination blur. How does living in such an environment affect you?”

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Count Amdis: “It’s liberating! In Narragansett Pier, I can be a poet today, a pirate tomorrow, and on Sundays, I’m an amateur cloud interpreter. The town doesn’t just accept absurdity; it embraces it with open arms and a parade led by a marching band of clams.”

Ernst: “A marching band of clams, you say? That’s quite the image. What would you say is the essence of Narragansett Pier?”

Count Amdis: “Narragansett Pier is a paradox wrapped in a riddle, sprinkled with a bit of maritime mystery. It’s the place where you can find the meaning of life in a bowl of clam chowder or lose it in the maze of beach umbrellas. It’s not just a location; it’s a state of mind.”

Ernst: “Well, that’s certainly a unique take on choosing a place to live. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.”

Count Amdis: “The pleasure was all mine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment with a crab who claims to have discovered the secret to perpetual motion.”

Ernst: “Thank you for your time and your unique perspective. Is there anything else you’d like to conclude with?”

Count Amdis: “Ah, the musings of an artistic vampire; what a captivating theme! Vampires have long fascinated people with

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their immortal allure, their dark sensuality, and their eternal struggle between life and death. Let’s delve into that world, shall we?

Vampires in art - Throughout history, artists have drawn inspiration from vampires, weaving their mythos into their works. One notable example is Edvard Munch’s painting ‘Vampire,’

created in 1893. The image portrays a pale, mysterious woman leaning over a man, her lips dangerously close to his neck. The tension between desire and danger is palpable, making it a haunting masterpiece. Another intriguing exhibition titled

‘Zombies: Pay Attention!’ at the Aspen Art Museum explores the metaphorical significance of zombies. While zombies represent societal anxieties and chaos, vampires often symbolize seduction, forbidden desires, and eternal longing. Tracey Snelling, one of the exhibiting artists, shares her fascination with both monsters. She prefers the older, slower zombies with greenish skin but admits that vampires hold a special place in her heart. Anne Rice’s novels about vampires; handsome, seductive, and dangerous, captivated her imagination. As a child, she even wished for a vampire to turn her so they could fly away and live by night.

The allure of vampires – Sexy, sexy, sexy. Vampires embody a paradox; they are both terrifying and irresistible. Their

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immortality grants them wisdom and experience, yet they remain eternally hungry for life. Their seductive charm draws us in, tempting us to explore forbidden desires. Whether it’s Dracula’s aristocratic elegance or Lestat’s rock star allure, vampires captivate our imaginations.

In literature, vampires have been portrayed as tragic figures, cursed by their immortality. They grapple with existential questions, loneliness, and the weight of centuries. Their artistic allure lies in their complexity; the blend of beauty, danger, and longing.

The eternal night – Imagine, if you will, a vampire artist, forever haunted by memories of lost loves and distant eras. They paint with blood, capturing the essence of eternity on canvas.

Their subjects? Mortals, fleeting and fragile, caught in moments of vulnerability. Perhaps their last thoughts echo through the centuries: ‘I am both predator and poet. My canvas is the night, and my brush, sharp fangs. In darkness, I find solace, and in blood, I seek inspiration.’

So, dear fans, as the moon rises and shadows lengthen, consider the musings of an artistic vampire; their immortal longings, their forbidden desires, and the eternal canvas of the night.”

Karl: “Kind of a maximalist as I take it.”

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Count Amdis: “More or less.”

Karl: “Thanks again for your engaging perspective. Try not to be late for your appointment.”

Count Amdis: “The pleasure was mine. Do visit again, but remember, always after the sun descends upon the horizon, casting its golden hues across the sky, when a magical moment envelops the world. This fleeting period, known as dusk, has long captivated poets who seek to convey the ethereal beauty and contemplative atmosphere it brings.”

Karl: “I see we’ve gotten you started again, so to speak. So,

‘Whitel Ruminations’ listeners, be sure to be with us next time when Count Amdis discusses the vampiric induced specificities or lack thereof within the inter-related artistic disciplines of surrealism and Foucalt’s version of deconstruction. Ciao.”

Off mike, Karl: “Don’t worry. I’m not going to bring up the vastly disproportionate crime and violent crime per capita rates for leeches, errr vampires, vis-à-vis White people.”

Count Amdis, also off mike: “Per capita? Wat dat? Maffs be all racysis an sheeeit.”

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