Narragansett Pier After Midnight by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview

The Seattle Times

Serving the sequestered local libtard community since 2016

We’d assign a date here, if we knew what it was or is

Spongy Moth Emergency

“Imminent danger”: Emergency declaration issued due to spongy moth infestation in Washington State Soon outgoing libtard Governor Jay Inslee issued an emergency proclamation Wednesday because of the "imminent danger" of a spongy moth infestation in Washington state.

In the proclamation, Inslee said the spongy moth infestation is along Steamboat Island Road and US Highway 101 in the Thurston County area and Concrete. All state residents have been required to sequester in place, and all voting, insofar as the courts allow, will be done by mail, for fear of the squishy invasion’s possible gain of function, i.e. leaping to the human population.

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The Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle has reported thirty-two possible cases, with emergency visits from people reporting symptoms ranging from squishy extremities to some limpness in the wrist and/or thingy.

"This imminent danger of infestation seriously endangers the recreational marijuana and horticultural industries of the state of Washington and seriously threatens the economic well-being and quality of life of state residents," Inslee said in the emergency proclamation.

The Washington State Department of Agriculture (WSDA) will begin its treatment to eradicate spongy moths in Thurston County on Friday, taking extreme care not to spread the required poisons in the afternoons, when most people would be out at work.

Karla Salp, communications consultant for the WSDA, said; “These moths can destroy an entire tree branch. An entire branch! This is no Covid-19 type scam, this is the real thing. The spongy moth caterpillars feed on over three hundred types of trees, plants and shrubs.”

Salp said a tree can withstand spongy moths feeding for one year but it will eventually die if the population is allowed to be unchecked. When trees die, Salp said that can lead to damaging

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"downstream effects" to species in the ecosystem because of the lack of tree canopy.

“It is one of the worst invasive pests that has been introduced to the United States," Salp said. "So far we have been able to keep it down.”

WSDA officials have been monitoring the population of spongy moths in Washington for fifty years. The spongy moth population is usually below 100 in Washington state, according to Salp.

But, last year, WSDA officials caught over 100 spongy moths throughout the state. Salp said 77 of those moths were caught near Steamboat Island, the result of continued global warming.

Salp said the moths arrive in Washington because of transportation and ”human” migration, as it were, the bugs being as natural to a thieving darkie immigrant as a tie noose or noosed tie is to the native White population.

The WSDA said in its release that people living near treatment areas, wherever that is undetermined to be, can sign up for email, text, or robocall alerts issued the day before treatment is scheduled to take place. You can also email the WSDA Pest Program at pest@insleeswashington or call 1-800-443-6684 for belated alerts.

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Salp said three spongy moth treatments will be spaced out in Olympia over a few weeks. Treatments in Skagit County will likely be in mid-to-late May, according to the WSDA. Each treatment takes a couple of hours to complete.

According to the WSDA, the spongy moth is permanently established in twenty states across the Northeast and Midwest.

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“Damn,” said Karl earnestly; “There are more than one hundred of these slimy invaders in Washington, and we thought that we had it bad.”

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“Whew, lucked out again,” replied Ernst. Here in Rhode Island all we have is a few hundred thousand swarming invaders, but the darkies don’t eat the trees.”

“Yet. All I can say is good luck to Washington.”

“Gotz ta gitme sum uh dem darkie feeders.”

“Whoah, won’t that attract them to the area?”

“Dummy; They’re not for here. I’m going to hang them in Narragansett Town. They’ll think it’s one of the sanctuary city’s benefits for bums. I’ll add some tasteless botulinum to the freebies. It’s hard to rank the lethality of toxins, but experts agree that botulinum is several orders of magnitude deadlier than sarin. It is the gold standard. The nervous system fails and the recipient dies in extreme pain. Works miracles on wrinkles, too.”

“Super cool. I want to be a part of this.”

Lena: "I just don't get the appeal of squishy vampires. They're like walking, brooding jelly donuts!"

Karl: "Ah, but that's where you're mistaken! They're not just squishy; they're emotionally resonant, like a plush toy with a tragic backstory."

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Lena: "Tragic backstory? More like a tragic lack of backbone! A vampire should be fearsome, not something you want to cuddle with!"

Karl: "Cuddling is precisely the point! Why shouldn't a creature of the night also provide comfort in the darkness?"

Lena: "Comfort? I want my vampires to be terrifying, not therapeutic! Next thing you know, they'll be offering therapy sessions."

Karl: "Therapy sessions with a vampire? Now that's an idea!

'Tell me about your feelings, but first, let's talk about mine for a century or two.'"

Lena: "A century of vampire whining? No thank you. I'd rather stake myself."

Karl: "Oh, come on! Embrace the squish! They're the perfect blend of horror and humor, like a monster mashmallow!"

Lena: "Monster mashmallow? That's it; I'm out. You enjoy your squishy bloodsuckers. I'll stick to the classics."

Karl: "Suit yourself! But don't come knocking when you need a squishy shoulder to cry on during a horror movie!"

Ernst: “This is none of my business.”

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Karl: “Right, little brother. You’ll see that the Lena’s of the world can get quite puffed up with being an adversary to a contrived demon, while falling back on the ‘Let’s all have a nice day,’ bullshit, replete with the boomer aged happy face.”

Ernst: “I suppose that Beckett would find that to be mildly amusing.”

Karl: “So what?”

Ernst: “So, nothing.”

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