Learning To Walk - A Soldier's Story by Clifford Beck - HTML preview

Chapter 9

That day was the beginning of ‘hell week’ – the first week of basic training. It was the most demanding time of our training due to the stress that was imposed on us for the sake of our transformation in soldiers. We were up at five o’clock every day. After breakfast, we would fall out onto the drill pad for pushups, sit-ups, and marching. It seems like when we weren’t doing anything else, we were either marching or running. Everything was performed by a strict set of standards. We learned how to fold our uniforms, how to organize our footlockers and how to make up our bunks. It all had to be perfect and mistakes were not tolerated. A complete absence of technology was insisted upon with the idea that if you found yourself in the middle of nowhere it was unlikely that your phone would receive a signal. Orienteering was done by map and compass, finding direction by the hands of a watch as well as using the stars for navigation.

Sit-ups were used as an introduction to pain. We would be lined up ten to a row and ordered to lift a twenty-foot telephone pole. Holding it into our chests, we were told to lie down on our backs. Like everything else in basic training, the first few attempts were nearly impossible, but it wasn’t long before we were moving as a single unit. Once this was accomplished, we were ordered to do twenty sit-ups. They were the most agonizing sit-ups I had ever done in my life, but with all things that require practice, it got easier over time. This was also the case with the obstacle course. If I’ve learned anything from these experiences, it’s that I was completely unaware of how out of shape I was.

It was during these activities of physical torment that we also began training in hand-to-hand combat. I always thought that knocking someone out required a blow to the head. I discovered, however, that it’s far easier than people think. One well-placed blow behind the angle of the jaw is enough to get the job done. The idea of stealth was stressed both strongly and repeatedly as we were taught how to sneak up behind someone, using the combat knife to sever the vocal cords and the carotid artery in a single stroke. In this manner, the enemy can be made to bleed out while being unable to scream. After that, it’s just a matter of hiding the body so as to leave nothing for the enemy to find. In basic training, a peculiar mindset is hammered into us.

We are taught to dehumanize the enemy – to think of them as ‘hostile targets’. The act of killing the enemy is referred to as ‘eliminating a hostile target’. It was difficult to wrap my head around this idea at first. But, the more I thought back to the events of nine eleven, the more sense it started to make and after enough lectures and thought, I’d finally reached the reality of what I believe to be human. This was not something grandiose or worthy of academia. It was an epiphany on a very personal level and one that I would use later in the grim business of war. I came to the belief that ‘human’ is a title that falls one step above ‘monster’ and one step below ‘enlightened’. It is a title that must be earned by the sincere admission of one’s own imperfections.

The enlightened have evolved themselves to a place where there is everything and nothing, where all imperfections have been fought off by compassion and spiritual awakening. The monster, however, must be made to evolve by being slain, only to be reborn with the potential for reflection. Those comprising the enemy are monsters who would rob the innocent and uninvolved of their lives when there is nothing to be gained by their deaths. It is the enemy who must die and I will be one of many who slays these monsters.

On some deep level, I awoke to an ideology that somehow brought my life into focus. Not to be dramatic, but I had heard the call and my obligation as a human being had become crystal clear. It wasn’t just about killing for my country. It’s a noble thought, but it’s not enough. I would go to the middle-east – most likely Afghanistan – and I would kill to protect the innocent. I would go there as part of the arm that pulls the monsters out from under the bed and gives them the death they deserve. I also hoped that in accomplishing this I would not create my own monster.