Green Expectations by Edward Drobinski - HTML preview
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Chapter 12
JUPITER, FLORIDA 3-12-13
Dave was working on a two-hit shutout and was on the mound scratching his forehead in the sixth inning. He had a 1-2 count on Baltimore’s dangerous Damian Murray when the home plate umpire, Ralph Ridley, called “time” and waved the other two umpires to him. They conferred a few seconds standing between home plate and first base. Ridley ripped off his chest protector and waved his arms, yelling; “This game is over. Clear the field.” The players just stared at him, thinking that their hearing was impaired. Ridley repeated himself twice and went to speak with someone who was in the stands right behind home plate. Harry Manuel ran to him and said; “What’s goin’ on Ralph.
You overdose on laxatives?”
“Just get all your guys off the field, Harry. I got orders from League headquarters.”
The public address system screeched as if it were out of tune and a deliberate male voice said; “This game is officially over. All fans will immediately depart the stadium.”
A howl came from the 30,000 paying customers and the only one who felt worse than them was still-without-contract Dave Nelson, who had it all hooked up, and wanted to post a complete game shutout. Ushers escorted the perplexed and sometimes angry fans to the exits. Some wanted their money back. Apparently, the
owner got wind of the sentiments, and the public address announcer was instructed to get back on the screech-box and say;
“We regret any inconveniences caused. We are under League orders to empty the stadium. We will honor today’s ticket stubs at tomorrow’s game.”
Dave and his fellow ballplayers did a lot of shrugging as they left the field, showered and went back to their hotel. Many didn’t mind the short work day, but those who had yet to earn a place on the roster wanted every possible inning to demonstrate their worth. Dave was particularly distraught as he wondered if his excellent game would become part of his Grapefruit League stats. He knew that five innings was considered a complete game and he knew that nothing could erase his performance from Harry Manuel’s mind, but he’d been so damned unlucky lately he was ready for an unexpected blow.
With severe constraint an hour later he was pacing the ten foot living area of the Sunnyvale Gardens Hotel rooms he shared with also hopeful, Kevin Sheehan. Kevin was surfing on his laptop and breathlessly said; “Hey, come here, man. Look at this.” He had a “newspaper” on screen and Dave saw the news.
BOMB KILLS 200 IN TAMPA’S GOGGLE
All Ballfields Cleared. Season on Hold.
JERSEY BULLETIN 3-12-13. At 6PM EDT an explosion rocked the left field bleachers of Goggle Stadium, killing an estimated 200 and injuring 250 more. It was the sixth inning of the Jesters-Patriots Grapefruit League contest which had to be called to a halt as fans and players evacuated the facility immediately after the shock.
The American Friends of Al-Qaeda, a heretofore unheard of organization has taken credit for the blast, posting a message saying; “There will be more to come. We will ruin the decadent game where they most understand it; financially.” Baseball officials expressed shock and outrage and all fields were pre-emptively cleared. Future games have been put on hold ............
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Dave heavily sighed, grimaced and said; “Oh, no.”
JUPITER, FLORIDA 3-13-13
Dave was sitting around, drinking and feeling sorry for himself and many other people he had never met, when Sheehan, who was showing that his computer acumen exceeded his baseball abilities burst into the room, holding his laptop and said; “The news is delivered, oh great one.”
Season to Continue!
Fed Officials Announce Security
Plans. Fan Safety Top Priority.
JERSEY BULLETIN 3-13-13. This morning Major League spokesperson, Ari Weiner informed the press that in the interest of the fans the League has agreed to bear the burden of implementing stringent security measures at all parks. It was determined that the cost would be prohibitive for some of the un-named poorer teams and that the task being administered by one entity would ensure uniformity and thoroughness.
Bilko Amusements Group has been granted the undisclosed amount, no-bid contract, Weiner citing the impeccable credentials of the privately held company, with special regard to experience in overseas intelligence.
An experienced team of undercover operators will be in attendance at all games and they will also infiltrate groups considered likely suspects to have carried out the horrendous activities.
League President George Scrub III made a brief appearance to say that no expense will be spared to give baseball fans what they deserve. He appeared with Alphonse Giambrone, head of the Player’s Union who declined comment, citing his Fifth Amendment rights.
Responding to a reporter Scrub III said that the necessarily gigantic amount of funds needed will be borrowed from the Player’s Retirement Trust, a win-win situation for all involved as the notes will bear interest at five percent as opposed to the approximate one percent yield on the treasuries currently held by the Trust. At this point Giambrone left the stage with a coughing fit. His doctor advised he’s been under great stress and needs much rest ............................................
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Dave imitated his father and said; “Hey, Sheehan. You’re back in business, kiddo,” as he faked a laugh.
Later that day Harry visited with Dave saying; “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. I want you on the team, in the starting rotation. But, I had to pay so much to sign the Mexicans that there isn’t much left in my budget. The damn thing is that under current baseball laws, if you’re an American you’re subject to the draft and are in effect the property of the team and not free to negotiate until you complete your sixth year. But, if you’re a foreigner you are not subject to the draft and are free to negotiate with anyone. As well as they did I had to bid with five other teams to get them.” He paused.
Dave said; “So, what are you telling me?”
Harry handed him a contract and said; “League minimum this year, $490,000.”
Dave took it and said; “You know, bench sitters are making three million.”
“I know. I’m being up front with you, Dave. I’m stuck.”
Dave stared at the contract.
Harry continued; “You know $490,000 buys a lot of nice things. I wish I could have gotten that in my day.”
“It’s not only the money. This will become public knowledge and it’s embarrassing.”
“Dave, I didn’t plan on saying this, but I want you on my team. I had to stick my neck out upstairs to sign you at all.
The owner looks at what you’ve done, not what we think you can do.”
“One way or another, the same thing keeps coming up. Eleven mediocre years versus a good couple of months. ...... Let me think about this.”
Harry silently left.
He called Lucretia in Tewksbury and told her the news. Her key responses were; “How much is the league minimum?” and “Is that the best you can do?”
He called Peter Jaffe who advised him that they were just playing games with him and not to take the deal. He was annoyed that Dave was handling his own negotiations, cutting him out of a fee, which he of course did not say. However he did say; “Let me handle this for you.” Dave said; “Let me think about this.”
He decided that given his situation he would sign. He told Lucretia who said; “Loser,” and hung up. He told Peter who breathed disgusted heavy snorts into the phone.
Two days later he got two e-mails. The first was from Lucretia who wrote; “Took my money and left. The Swiss Alps suit me fine. You can keep the old-fashioned house. Bye.” Dave checked the mutual fund accounts and found that they were cleared out. The other e-mail was from Peter who wrote; “Due to a large influx of business I regret to inform you that I can no longer .................”
Dave’s first thought was that his mother was right on at least two very big counts. His second was that an unoccupied rural house would be a target for vandals and that he had to raise some cash. He called a realtor who was glad to take the listing, but then proceeded to inform Dave; “Market conditions have been favoring the buyer for some time with no end in sight.
Only ‘well priced’ homes stand any chance. While I personally love colonial houses, today’s buyers are looking for more modern
.............”
MEADOWLANDS AND ON THE ROAD-MIDDLEMARCH AND APRIL
Freed of all encumbrances Dave thought of nothing but pitching. The regular season started and the AL hitters weren’t ready for Cut Splitter Dave Nelson. He was making it break down and to the left, so they initially considered it a repeat of his old curveball perhaps enhanced with some foreign substance or nicks. Batters regularly asked the home plate umpires to check the ball and none found anything. Dave kept wiping his forehead and knew that he was “in their heads” and used it to his advantage as now that hitters were worried about his strange curveball and looking for it, his mediocre 88-89 MPH fastball
appeared as if it were 93-94 to them. He was blowing it by many hitters like he had not done previously.
Dave knew that someday soon someone would disclose the true nature of his new pitch, but that wouldn’t matter much. They still couldn’t hit it. Their fascination with spitballs would end, but he could add one more touch; he could make it break the other way too. In effect a sinking screwball would become part of his repertoire when he deemed it necessary. Home attendance picked up as many wanted to see the hitting of Mexicans’ Hector Ortega and Pablo Gonzalez, the catcher and first baseman, respectively. Though both were short at five feet and nine inches, they were stocky, weighing in at 210. Someone started referring to them as “The Baby Bulls,” and it caught on.
CROWS TAKE EARLY LEAD IN AL EAST
Nelson Three Hits Tampa Bay
NEW YORK CLOCK 5-5-13. Despite a lackluster Grapefruit League showing, after 20 games of the regular season the NJ Crows moved into first place for the first time in team history as they extended their win streak to seven. Fans and reporters are still skeptical as Dave Nelson has had five consecutive excellent starts, finishing and winning all. Rookies Hector Ortega and Pablo Gonzalez are gathering up the offensive stats, each either number one or two in Average, HR’s and RBI’s.
“It’s a long 162 game season. This can’t last,” said veteran reporter Charles Deletrimian of the Jersey Bulletin. “Nelson’s been around a long time and to finally get good in one’s twelfth year has never, and I repeat never, been done. Things will soon revert to the long established norm. The rookies, Ortega and
Gonzalez, are getting the benefit of the pitchers not knowing them. Soon there will be a book on their weaknesses and that’s all they will see from then on.” ...............................
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STRANGE BIRDS CROWING IN NJ
FOUR GAMES IN FRONT AS NELSON SHUTS OUT CHIEFS
JERSEY BULLETIN 6-5-13. The amazing birds of New Jersey continue their stellar play and currently have the league’s best record.
The questions are; “How long can it last?” and “Is this for real?” Sorry to sound like a heretic, but I’m a product of this earth. I know nothing of the sky the Crows are now enjoying and humbly wait for the inevitable fall.
Yesterday Dave Nelson prolonged the best two months of his twelve year major league career by baffling the Kansas City Gunslingers hitters with that weird pitch many call a spitball, as the Home Birds breezed to a 7-0 victory. Many opponents claim they feel a drizzle as Nelson’s pitches reached home plate. To date no ball inspections have found anything foreign, but who knows what the future will bring? Never having previously thrown anything other than mediocre heat and a decent curve, it seems very “convenient” to have come up with a new pitch just at the time he was ready to pass out of pro baseball.
Mexican rookies Hector Ortega and Pablo Gonzalez are hitting both for power and average as the league pitchers look for weaknesses. The “book” has not yet been established. Yesterday each hit two run shots .........................................
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The seasoned “pundit” reporter, Charles Deletrimian from the Jersey Bulletin used more invective in his pronouncements as the season progressed. Though it was true that Nelson didn’t win
all his starts and the Baby Bulls home run pace dropped below that of Barry Bonds; at the mid-July All-Star break Nelson was 12-2 with a 2.43 ERA, Ortega was batting .320 with 19 homers and 56 RBI’s and Gonzalez was at .298, 20 and 58. AND THE CROWS LED
THE AL EAST AT MID-SEASON FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE EXPANSION
TEAM’S SHORT HISTORY, FOUR GAMES AHEAD OF THE TAMPA BAY JESTERS.
The “stars” of the New Jersey Crows were snubbed in All-Star balloting. Often the case, voters pick perennial favorites or players who have demonstrated their worthiness over a longer period of time. Manager Buck Hertzog of Tampa Bay fulfilled his obligation to have at least one player from each team on the squad by picking Crow reliever Jorge Valverde to the squad.
Though Jorge was having a good enough year, the veteran sidearmer was surprised at the call and when interviewed expressed thanks, but also stated that he was looking forward to the time off to spend with his family in Venezuela.
Dave was particularly disappointed at not being named.
While he never previously expected the honor he thought that he deserved it this year. He thought; “Who can be sure? Maybe this is the only time I’ll have the opportunity. I’d like to have been out there with the best once.” He knew that voting for the pitchers was done by the players, coaches and managers. He was particularly disconsolate at being rejected by a jury of his peers.
He stayed alone at his Weehawken condo and thought evil thoughts about everyone that he knew and some that he didn’t. He was in the right mood to call Lucretia, but no longer had that option. Instead he dialed his father. Ring, ring.
A bored or sleepy male voice, something like Robert Mitchum picked up on the second ring and said; “Hello.”
“Dad! Did I wake you?”
“No. I was just staring at the TV. What’s up? You wanna talk to your mother?”
“No, no. I want to complain to you.”
“About not getting put on the All Star team, right?”
“Yeah, right. I really deserved it. I’m 12-2 with a 2.43
ERA. More wins than anybody and second lowest ERA among the starters.”
“Maybe you should have been first.”
“Aw, come on. That ........”
Dad cut him off, saying; “What do you want me to say? Do it again next year and they’ll probably pick you.”
As always, Rational Dad got right to the point and Dave was temporarily blank. He was also cognizant of the possible source of his “So what” attitude, which was currently being challenged.
In the lull Dad added; “So what are you going to do?”
Dave knew that the question was not a request to hear any modus operandi, but was really a statement saying something
like; “That’s the way it goes. Tough shit and who cares.” His problem was that it seemed as if he was caring, thereby opening himself to disappointment. He smirked and said; “Not a damn thing. I’ll watch the game from the comfort of my living room and disdain all the people worse than me making asses of themselves.”
“So, what’s with Lucretia?”
Dave hesitated wondering what aspect of her his Dad found interesting. He said; “It’s over, if that’s what you mean.”
This time Dad’s pause prompted Dave to amplify, and in terms which were very understandable to him; “I don’t miss her.
I didn’t see her that often anyway. She was always a money girl and still is.”
Dad used one of the statements Dave remembered often hearing since birth; “What did you expect?”
“Just what happened. No big thing. .... Except the money.”
“Probably for the best.”
Dave was more interested in complaining, so he went back to the original subject of the call; “Don’t you think that I deserved to be on the All Star team?”
Dad sighed as if someone just punched his stomach and drew out; “You know there are a lot of good players and many voters who have different points of view. And then there’s that tradition thing ......”
Dave interrupted what started out as if it would delineate every variable in the baseball universe and curtly said; “Would you have voted for me?”
“Well, yeah ......”
Dave again interrupted and said; “Thanks, Dad. That’s all I wanted to know. Say hi to Mom for me.” He hung up.
All Star Game Marred By Psycho
Man Impersonating Umpire Shoots Three Players
JERSEY BULLETIN 7-10-13. Branson Arroyo, Donald Younger and Ian Clarke were shot on the field just prior to the start of the 2013
All Star Game in Cincinnati. The unidentified shooter entered the field dressed as an umpire. He stalked the grounds muttering obscenities to some of the players, who reported it to Security, as they did not recognize him to be one of the known officiators.
This took some time as each player from the AL squad thought that he was probably an NL umpire and vice-versa.
When the gunman saw Security approaching, he pulled a .45 handgun from his pocket and opened fire before being blown away by a barrage of bullets. It is reported by some that before hitting the ground he yelled; “America’s past it’s time,” an obvious reference to baseball being called America’s pastime.
Arroyo, Younger and Clarke were taken to the nearby Harold J.
Stanton Medical Hospital, where a spokesman said that they were in
“satisfactory” condition. All are members of the NL West front running San Francisco Flyers, causing speculation that the shooter might be a Phoenix Rattlers fanatic. .............................
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SCRUB ORDERS BASEBALL SALARIES DOWN 20%
CITING LOW ATTENDANCE LEAGUE BOSS DECREES ALL MUST HELP
JERSEY BULLETIN 7-10-13. In a precedent setting move League President George Scrub III announced yesterday that all player salaries are to drop by twenty percent. “Abysmal attendance threatens the financial condition of many teams. Unsustainable losses are being reported in numerous franchises. I have made my decision under these unfortunate circumstances for the good of all concerned.”
Fan reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. It has been the popular opinion that the players have been grossly overpaid prima donnas for so long nobody any longer talks about it. Old news. Joe Buscamente of Bricktown, New Jersey speaks for many when he said;
“It’s about time somebody did something. They should have made larger cuts. I hope more are coming.” Asked if this will result in him attending more games Joe told us that he hasn’t been to a game since Reggie Jackson played and plans to keep it that way.
All teams are not losing money, but books have never been open to outsiders, a long established rule. Asked why profitable franchises would also get the benefit of the salary reductions Scrub said that to do the opposite would result in an open window into the books. “Despite their vehement protests, profitable entities have to take the benefits, as to not do so, would be advertising the financial status of all concerned. The situation is dire. Many of these teams have done leveraged buyouts and cannot afford to lose money very long. Look what happened last year in New Jersey; and that was prior to the attendance decline.
We have asked the profitable teams to voluntarily contribute to the security effort and we’re confident that they will do so.”
Asked if the pay reductions affected managers and coaches, Scrub said; “No, because they are not overly paid as is. Look up the average salaries.” Upon further questioning that caused Scrub to grimace like the laxative just took effect he said that the reductions have been made retroactive to the start of the season.
If one does the math this means that the players will be receiving forty-four percent of what they were contractually obliged to be paid for the duration of this season.
Asked if this was not some way of passing an ex-post-facto law, Scrub stated that this was a state of emergency and that if the
courts over-rule the edict, then another mathematical formula will be instituted which will provide the same effect. Player’s Union head, Alphonse Giambrone was unavailable for comment. He is resting in Mykonos under the orders of his doctor for a severe stress related disorder. More questions ..........................
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Dave left the paper on the kitchen table. He muttered; “Jesus Christ. How many directions can shit come from?” He gazed out the smudged window of his Weehawken condo and took in the views of the parking lots and ass-ends of the high-rises.
BASEBALL SHOOTINGS CONTINUE
SECURITY OFFICIALS HAVE NO ANSWERS
JERSEY BULLETIN 8-4-13. Prior to the start of the St. Louis-Milwaukee contest at St. Louis’ America In Line Stadium yet another shooter appeared near the left field bleachers. Teams were warming up and taking batting practice at 1PM when a swarthy, dark haired man clad in a Cardinal jersey emerged from under an unopened concession stand and sprayed the immediate vicinity with slugs from a semi-automatic. Before security forces shot and killed him he lethally injured eight and wounded seven more. The league is investigating how he gained entrance to the stadium with such a sizable weapon. Security officials suspect that he must have entered the stadium when it was empty during St. Louis recent road trip and hid until he had targets, suggesting that security forces may have to be beefed up to cover all stadiums at all times. An efficient and comprehensive investigation was promised. League President George Scrub III ordered the game to be played as planned saying; “Americans will not be intimidated.” He declined to answer a reporter’s question of when he had last attended a game.
JERSEY BULLETIN 8-4-13. In a demonstration of collusion and timing bullets sprayed the stands and field as a parachutist armed with a semi-automatic glided into Minneapolis’ Preparation P Stadium, rudely interrupting the Maimer’s hosting of the Kansas City Gunslingers, firing indiscriminately. Six fans and one batboy received minor injuries before Security forces shot down the parachute, the skydiver dying of injuries received when his body made a “splat” sound and exploded near second base.
League President George Scrub III could not be reached for comment. In his place spokesperson Ari Weiner stated; “It is the policy of this administration not to be intimidated and to continue the game at all cost.”
The game resumed after a half hour delay, which was attributed to the difficulty the grounds crew had in removing the tiny fragments of the unidentified splashed body. Subsequently, Security reported finding an unclaimed wallet in the bleachers belonging to Ramsid Turkmenijan, a Palestinian, who Customs claims denying entry into the US, but who also is documented as having spent the last two months at the Kluqueland Air Force Base. Security promises to straighten out these seeming incongruities and report their findings to the press, if not deemed a matter of national concern. They are also investigating planes in the area in an effort to diffuse the rumor spreading through certain religious communities that the parachutist fell from heaven ....................................................
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CROWS GLORY TRAIN ON TRACK
NELSON GOES THE DISTANCE TO POST HIS 19th WIN
JERSEY BULLETIN 8-20-13. The New Jersey Crows are on track to have the best season of their short history and capture the AL
East flag. Pre-season bettors stand to multiply their investment forty times over if the dream continues. With three quarters of the season behind them the Crows stand at 71-49, seven games ahead of the Tampa Bay Jesters. At fourteen games back the Baltimore Bombers have gone the way of old age, coming on all at once for last year’s division leaders. After last night’s 14-3
destruction of the Toronto Lumberjacks one has to ask; “Are the Crows beginning to believe in themselves?”
Perhaps a sign of self-assurance was shown by Dave Nelson who said; “I didn’t have my best stuff today. The cut splitter went everywhere except over home plate, so I had to come right in with heat and curves. The way these guys hit I don’t have to pitch well. Give them all the credit. They’ve been doing it all year.” Nelson was no doubt referring to the “Baby Bulls,” Hector Ortega and Pablo Gonzalez, each of whom homered, had three hits and drove in five. They share second place in league round trippers with thirty. Nelson has four more wins than his closest rival and also boasts a league leading 2.22 ERA.
Skipper Harry Manuel said; “These guys make my job easy. I don’t have to do anything after I fill out the line-up card.”
The premature mutual admiration society somehow sticks in this veteran writer’s craw just a bit. They still haven’t won anything, while their commentaries are reminiscent of those who have won the World Series. Though barring a complete collapse they will probably take the AL East, it remains to be seen .....
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NEW YORK CLOCK 10-1-13. The New Jersey, dare I say Hackensack Crows, won the pennant never having to endure any serious challenge, finishing at 95-67, ten games ahead of the Tampa Bay Jesters who compiled a 90-72 record. Having compiled the best record in the American League the Crows will next play the Seattle Bigfoots, who earned wildcard status, in the three of five Division Series.
Dave Nelson had the best season of his career, also the best season of almost anyone’s career with a 25-3 won-loss record and a 2.18 ERA, making him a solid candidate for the Cy Young Award.
Rookie catcher, Hector Ortega batted .316, with 40 homers and 119 RBI’s. Also in his debut year first baseman Pablo Gonzalez ended at .307, 42 and 128. Both “Baby Bulls” will be serious candidates for the Most Valuable Player award, which has never
previously been taken by a rookie. Too bad the Rookie of the Year award can only be given to one person.
More punch was provided by third baseman, Ian Coke, whose left-handed free swinging produced improvements over his norm, with 25 dingers, 91 ribbys and a .262 average. Center fielder Justin Johnson kept the opposing infielders edgy as he stole 65 bases to lead the league. Starting pitcher, Bobby Preston was overshadowed by Nelson, but he too, posted the best numbers of his long career, with a not-too-shabby 18-7 won-loss record and a 2.96 ERA.
We here at the Times congratulate our brothers across the river on an excellent showing. In the old days scribes wished for a “Subway Series.” In modern times wouldn’t it be wonderful to have one of the “Bridge and Tunnel” category?
WEEHAWKEN, NEW JERSEY 10-2-13
Final standings as reported by the “New York Baseball Digest:”
AMERICAN LEAGUE NATIONAL LEAGUE
East
Wins Losses PCT
East
Wins Losses PCT
NewJersey 95
67
586
New York
97
65
599
Tampa Bay 85
77
525
Philadelphia 94
68
580
Baltimore 81
81
500
Miami
79
83
488
Boston
75
87
463
Washington
77
85
475
Toronto
72
90
444
Atlanta
69
93
426
Central
Wins Losses PCT
Central
Wins Losses PCT
Detroit
94
68
580
Cincinnati
88
74
543
Chicago
88
74
543
Pittsburgh
86
76
531
Cleveland
87
75
537
St. Louis
86
76
531
Kansas City
74
88
457
Chicago
73
89
451
Minneapolis
68
94
420
Milwaukee
66
96
407
West
Wins Losses PCT
West
Wins Losses PCT
LosAngeles
93
69
574
SanFrancisco
97
65
599
Seattle
90
72
556
Phoenix
86
76
531
Oakland
88
74
543
Denver
85
77
525
San Diego
72
90
444
Dallas
74
88
457
Portland
65
97
401
San Jose
66
96
407
Dave sat on his couch and drowsily reflected on the cold hard numbers that represented eight months of work and dreams for countless people, including himself. Somebody dictated that there had to be a loser for every winner; the zero sum game.
But, it was as if the story told only factually was so sadly deficient of meaning that it could not be of interest to anyone
not employed as an actuary. Hidden behind the numbers were the kids at the parks cheering for their heroes, screaming joyfully when they hit a home run and taking it personally when they struck out; the little ones in wheelchairs who know that when their legs heal they will escape the shadows of the roof and play in the sun; the old men daily sitting in the bleachers recalling when they thought they would be able to do the things the stars did on the field; the vendors walking the aisles honestly calling out; “You can’t tell the players without a scorecard;” the young girls and women rooting for the player on whom they had a crush, for the moment thinking that he was capable of mental telepathy or had the hearing of Superman; the ballboys and now ballgirls who can’t wait to grow up and have their own glory; the players in their coats of many colors trying to remain afloat; the white, black, brown, red and yellow faces with indigent or no parents at all who vow that their kids will be stars; and all the strivers in the middle who took encouragement from the ones who seemingly did it as well as it can be done in the face of illness and fatigue, not wanting to think that the pros were not there only because of hard work.
Most were blessed with talents no amount of work can ever hope to attain. And then there was his own story; for the first time since the age of twelve, one not felt in cold, dry numerical green.
He recalled that many years ago baseball was called
“America’s Pastime,” but that was before the flood of competition from football, basketball, cable television and the-whatever-you-want-to-see-internet. Perceptions changed and something was lost. But to him the perceptions were obviously through opaque windows and baseball would always remain
“America’s Pastime.”
He noted the even-ness in the final results. No teams won or lost sixty percent of the time. The best won less than three out of five and the worst won more than two out of five. On any given day the worst beat the best. It happened so regularly that unlike football and basketball, the word “upset” was not a part of the baseball lexicon. If lowly Portland were put in the World Series it would be no shock if they managed to win four out of seven. If Cincinnati was in the East or West, it would not have won the division, nor would it have been the wild card berth. No playoffs. Of course, luck is involved. Dave liked the implicit egalitarianism.
Baseball players were rightly the most superstitious people he had met. In a batting slump players may hit the ball right on the nose and it is right at somebody. Conversely, when they are on a hot streak, they can check their swing and hit a little dink that falls between the first baseman, second baseman and right fielder. Unfortunately, the hot streakers often conclude
that it’s due to their lucky socks, don’t change them until the streak ends and stink out the locker room mercilessly. Other players tolerate this for the good of the team and because if they tried to get them away their lives would be in danger.
Yet, he had to concede that numbers did have some use. He pitched differently to home run hitters and those just trying to make contact. The problem is that looks alone did not tell him which was which. The short and stockies, the tall and skinnies, and the in-betweens of any weight are all possible power guys.
The stats told him who was who. Sure, it was easy to conclude that the biggest guys were the power guys, and while this has some semblance of truth, one would go broke betting on it. The furthest that anyone has ever hit a baseball was 700 feet; Mickey Mantle. (There is a contrary opinion.) Regardless, the point is that “The Mick” was 5’11” and 195 pounds, rather small by the standards of today’s “performance enhanced” athletes.
Dave stared at the numbers contained in the final standings in an effort to determine if there were any conclusions he could draw, other than repeating the numbers themselves. An eyeball examination gave him a weak suggestion that there were more wins than losses. He did some math. Sure enough total wins exceeded the total losses by 40; 2450-2410. He thought that this couldn’t be so he re-checked his math, but came to the same conclusion.
This was impossible. The figures were supplied by the “New York Baseball Digest,” the supreme authority in the game.
Dave was flabbergasted. Someone must have come up with a way for both teams to be declared the winner in twenty games. He wasn’t aware of having participated in anything like that. He knew that all games were played to completion, and that if for some reason, like weather or darkness, the game had to be ended while tied, neither team got a win or a loss and the game would be replayed. Fatigued from all the numbers, he put his head back on the couch and closed his bleary eyes. He thought; “What a great concept. An end to the zero sum game. More wins than losses. Now that we know how to do it on a small scale, I wonder how long it will take for everybody to be 162-0.” He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face, hearing John Lennon sing
“Imagine,” and finally became a dreamer.