Chapter Fifty-Three

Her alarm went off, and she had a moment of wondering who and where she was. But Benjamin’s morning wakeup call brought her back to reality as she wiped his slobber off her face. It was the day. The trial.

Denise showered, and in attempting not to think about George, she thought about George. He was certainly a gentleman, calling up another taxi for her so she could get home safely. They had talked for quite some time beforehand, and as her fog lifted in the shower, Denise thought about what she had said to him all those years ago that triggered her heart.

I want to know what real feels like. 

She hadn’t felt real lately. She hadn’t felt real in a long time. But standing in his office, watching how “real” was slowly trying to devour him and seeing how his heart remained unscathed, Denise took a lesson that God had been trying to teach her for quite some time. You can do nothing about your circumstances, but if you’re willing, you can let God use them to change you.

And now in the warmth and steam, she was changing. She thought of her father, and instead of growing angry, she just grew sad. Here was a man who had what she and everyone else thought was greatness. But he was nothing more than a man who traded in his family for his own sense of perfection. And there was her mother who wilted under the force of her former husband’s choices instead of gathering her wits into her own corner and giving her pain over to something greater than herself. But by the world’s expectations, what more could Lucy McGovern have done? And why shouldn’t her ex-husband live the life he’d always desired?

The thought was pure nausea and a quick turn toward the Father who loved her. In the shower, Denise bowed to God, her head down, the water swirling around her toes. The trial. She would need every inch of power He’d be willing to grant her. So, she confessed all the things she’d been doing wrong, all the hurt she hid at the bottom of a bottle, and felt for the first time, in a long time, clean.

She had left things platonic with George, but she could tell there were bits of something there being planted. Friendship. He said he had a light day today, would do his best to drop by and give her some encouragement. She took solace in that but knew even if he didn’t show up, she wouldn’t be alone in that courtroom.

She dressed, gathered her things, and headed first to the office, double checking she was prepared and had everything on hand she would need. She didn’t know how it would play out but had made a significant promise to a boy who didn’t deserve to be locked behind bars.

She gave Benjamin his goodbye kiss—her turn to slobber—and was greeted with “Rhiannon” blasting as she turned on her car.

Denise turned off the radio.