Redeem & Reinvent The Art Of Lost Wellness
By Santosh Jha
Copyright 2013 Santosh Jha
Other Smashwords Titles By Santosh Jha
Back To Bliss: A Journey To Zero (Fiction)
Autobiography Of A Duffer (Fiction)
Naked Solutions Of Dressed Up Life Woes (Non-fiction)
Habitual Hero: The Art Of Winning (Non-fiction)
Maya And Leela: Utility In Life’s Futility (Non-fiction)
Why We Flop In Love (Non-fiction)
Wisdom Of Wellness: Perpetuity Of Poise Of Purpose (Non-fiction)
Decipher Destiny: Decode God’s Will (Non-fiction)
Youth Sanity In Crazy Culture (Non-fiction)
India Beyond Stampede Of Stupidities (Non-fiction)
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Start Of Life Skill Situations & Tests
I feel truly happy to tell you that this, I do not intend to be a book. Rather, it is like friends chatting up, sharing whatever we can together to enhance the wellness space.
It is my humble belief that any person, in whatever state of consciousness and life positioning, is in some special ways, better than a wisdom-book, for the purpose of life & living learning. I must tell you, I have learnt and more importantly, unlearnt, primarily from people. Books somehow are people-matter in text-format.
I am sure, you too have realized that the world we live, is what it is, neither good nor bad. It is somehow neutral and objective. It is people, who are the ‘Theatre’ of all troubles as well as happiness. It is in our subjective consciousness that we accept something as trouble and others as happiness. We all know and accept that human mind is the most capable and instinctively galvanized mechanism in the entire universe to solve all our life-living problems. It is very clear to us that humanity has succeeded and excelled on Earth because of its brilliant problem-solving skills.
The milieu around us being neutral and objective, we as individual have larger onus to make our lives as we wish it to be. This boils down to how skillfully we all manage our ambient milieus and other people. Everything is there in the mind and as we gear ourselves to acquiring those life skills, which make life wellness an journey for us, our mind becomes attuned to them. We then have an auto-mechanism for larger wellness.
We shall talk here about life situations and realisms in our societal milieus, which test our life skills. There are some elementary elements of personality positions and choices, which stand us in good stead, when we face life. These ensure wellness for us as, every good thing we do to others, it finally cycles back to us in larger utility to our own wellness. There are also queries; many of them may be unpleasant to be asked. That is why, it is better we ask ourselves about them. This shall test our Life Skill Quotient (LSQ).
We shall talk about life skills and questions, which you may ask to yourself, to assess your life skill quotient and to gear up for being better skilled. However, first, we have to come down to one common premise, which shall help us is the fruition of the issue at hand – Testing your LSQ.
There has to be a humble admittance – Any word, however well meant and well spelt, is a possible suspect of ‘misrepresentation’. There is a simple reason. The good intentioned words sometimes fail to land on the mind of others, as there is some ‘insignificant’, yet potentially fatal obstacle standing midway.
It is believed, “If the hypothesis is right, the idea is accepted as right”. If two people have an assimilative and integrative attitude, one can easily see that root trouble is in subjectivity of the hypotheses. This helps in resolution of conflict of ideas.
Friendship is one positioning, where assimilation and integration about divergent hypotheses has larger accommodative space. A seed is more objectively accommodative in space than a grown up tree. Friendship is seed positioning.
That is why, at the very start, I very affectionately request you to be my friend and accept this all as one long conversation between friends. Kindly, accept this not as a book but a ‘confabulation’ between friends. This, I am confident, shall engender smoothness of navigation and fruition of the entire exercise.
With all humility and sincerity at my behest, I wish to tell you that it needs to be said, there is only one person on the earth, who can say that he has understood. Otherwise, this domain is reserved for a metaphor called God. This is not available for humans.
It is also a heart-felt realization that our very worthy ancestors; who had the intelligence and courage to face the worst, life made them to, so that we inherit a better beautiful world; have already said almost all good things. What I can do is present them in new set of words with novelty of references.
The only justification of me telling them is that all goodness and wellness ideas and words need to be repeated and retold, to add to their all-pervasiveness.
At the age of 46, I can say with innocence that getting old is such a beautiful and satisfying experience. It makes the ‘self’ accept the ‘utility and fruition’ of holistic, assimilative and integrative consciousness. Getting old has probably pushed ‘me’ close to the ‘eligibility’ of perhaps beginning to understand as what essentially is there to be understood!
I chat up with you to share with you whatever is part of my consciousness. All wisdoms say, human is designed to live in state of ‘flux’, a state of instinctive semi consciousness. To jolt oneself out of this, one must challenge itself; something humanity has done since millions of years. What stays with you is what sinks in. Wisdom is what we internalize.
I share with you whatever I have internalized in my life.
Singular Emotions Engender Revolutions
There is a calamitous trend of individual dissociation with milieu and society around. It is rather dangerous that ‘Social Milieu’ is being positioned as antagonistic to ‘Self’, hence a trend to keep ‘Self’ away and aloof from it.
Individuals cannot be blamed for it. Social milieu is so obnoxious now, with individuals facing loads of extreme attitudes, nasty demeanors, rejection, snap-abandonment, shallow and shaky relationships et al.
Self and society have mutual benefit, they work as natural wellness support system for each other but, as we have entered a stage of evolution, where unprecedented complexities, conflicts and negative dualism greet us on daily basis, the wellness has become the worst victim.
Still, the contemporary cherished choice of burdening the ‘self’ with all responsibilities of wellness-sanity-rationality is tough; it is not the way we have been designed and evolved.
Please do accept humbly and innocently that isolation and keeping aloof from the natural support system of wellness is not an instinctive and innate positioning of your consciousness, it is purely a cultural one; that too a recent one.
It is an unnatural societal and cultural benchmark of success and achievement to hide one’s troubles from people. The pop icons may opt to hush up when they go to a hospital as they are in this business of happiness. Not an average person.
Remember, how does a revolution happen? How big changes take place in societies against the prevailing powerful norms and benchmarks? Understand this energy. When one single pain and sorrow is owned and personalized by every single citizen of a nation or society; revolutions happen and are always successful.
When an individual pain becomes a collective pain of millions and the emotions of millions become one single expression, revolutions happen and are always successful.
The trouble, we have in all societies and in all nations, emanate out of our cultural consciousness of being one and singular with collectivity only in our joys and celebration but never ever in pain.
Revolutions and big changes have become extinct. They may look like beginning but die an infant death. We all as a collective have lost the innate magical art of merging our subjective and personalized consciousnesses into one singular, objective and collective consciousness at times of crisis and trouble.
Ask the uncomfortable question to you and everyone – ‘we say my society, culture and nation is in crisis, however, are they one with my own pain and crisis? Do I reflect in the crisis of collectivity?’ What is the major voice as an answer? It seems, it is invariably no! That is why, even when things are in bad shape around us, nothing seems to change and no involvement is orchestrated!
The simple but painful fact seems to be; we have stopped being natural and surrendered our consciousness to the popular cultural benchmarks, which stand as an unnatural and calamitous energy. We need to see this with an open eye and innocent hearts. We need to reinitiate and reinvent the art we have lost. We need to be one in our pains, even when we smile in solitude!
Let your pain be my pain and be ever willing to reciprocate. Let the ‘natural wellness-support-system’ unravel its magic. Let the pains and crises build a beautiful and affectionate bridge between you and me. Let the sharing begin. Let pain and crises join rhythms, to create a symphony of sympathetic solidarity, which shall fill up all empty spaces of hearts. Let this revolution happen!
Let us allow ourselves the innocence and compassion to share our pains with each other. This is one art, we all have lost. Being strong does not mean, we cannot cry together. If we can laugh together, that too in an affected and forced tones, why cannot we weep together in a genuine and innocently sincere heart-assimilation. Let us redeem and reinvent our lost art of social sharing of pain and grief. We can get back our lost wellness.
We are designed this way and have done it since millions of years. This new culture of isolation, egoistic solitude and celebrity-like aloofness is a sure killer of our wellness. We are strong and robust people. We have the courage and confidence to be an innocent and fallible thing and show it to the world. Being what you are and how you are is the intelligence of innocence, which need the ultimate courage and confidence. Show it to everyone that you have it in loads.
Am I equally good at sharing my joys as well as pains?
Do I have the artistry to associate people with my downtime emotions?
Do I have enough people to share my pains and do I reciprocate the same?
Designing ‘Specific’ Joys In ‘Generic’ Randomizations
As is the mystically randomized positioning of the eventualities of life, most good things happen in life, when we expect them the least. ‘Expecting’, does not seem fruitful option, especially in contemporary world of precarious and preposterous possibilities; though, no one can keep away from this instinctive urge.
Instead of landing oneself in the ‘reactive-positioning’ of ‘expecting’, it seems, a better situation is to be ‘receptively’ open to the beautifully metaphoric synchronicities of life, which are often sandwiched between the randomized eventualities of life.
Often, magic begins both ways – one, we plan for things to happen in a certain way and then enjoy its fruition, if it happens this way. Second, things happen, as they may and then we plan enjoyment and fruition into them.
Somehow, our consciousness is very subjective and localized and, as we all grow, this subjective ‘self’ becomes more ‘specific’. This makes acceptance and compatibility with divergent and competing ideas a tough ask. Still, if there are elements of assimilative, integrative and holistic worldview in one’s perspective; tolerance, acceptance, compassion and accommodation have larger space in one’s overall personality and positioning.
The art is in evolving to such a receptive consciousness, which is aligned to enjoyment and fruition in both ways – expecting and planning the randomizations for ‘specific’ joys as well as designing joys in ‘generic’ randomizations.
Do I usually expect things to happen in a certain way and land in pain, if they don’t?
Do I have the consciousness to celebrate what life has to offer me randomly?
Can I reinvent, ‘expect for best and be ready for worst’ realism to design joys both ways?
A Definitive Certainty Of Possibility
What makes one happy? The list can be endless. The question is primary and primeval. Therefore, it is only natural that it is most debated. That is why; there has never been a consensus on the answer to the question
A section of opinion is that happiness is determined by perceptions as well as experiences and not material and physical things. It says, happiness depends on our subjective interpretations of events.
Some philosophers said, happiness is determined by the number of positive events experienced in life. However, the opposite view is also equally supported and popular. No doubt, money and other material wellness also counts and are equally important, if not more.
There is an interesting viewpoint however, which looks like the right balance of all competing idea. This is called ‘Hedonic Treadmill Hypothesis’. It states that just as we adjust our walking or running speed to match the speed of the treadmill, we adjust our moods and emotions to match life’s circumstances.
This means, happiness is not only very subjective, varying person to person but also something which is largely in control of a person’s own conscious abilities. This is a perfect fit with what Dalai Lama said, ‘pain is inevitable, suffering optional’. Similarly, happiness also is a conscious ability to adjust; an option available for our consciousness.
Researchers have established something very interesting. They have found that big lottery winners report being super happy after winning the lottery. However, their happiness falls to baseline levels about two months later. On the other hand, people who become paralyzed from the waist down, return to almost baseline levels of happiness within a few months after the accident.
Moreover, scientific studies have established something more interesting. The studies say, it is not only unrealistic but also undesirable to be happy all the time. Negative emotions are natural and necessary. Being happy all the time is rather an irrationality. Life has everything in its bag, and all of it are inevitable. What really makes us happy is how we all rise above all this consciously and adjust to it with control of a rational mind.
It is interesting to mention here that in ancient Ayurvedic healing traditions, it has been clearly prescribed that the balanced and healthy food must have all five tastes, including the bitter taste. It says, food items like bitter guard are essential as it balances the appetite for sweetness. If we do not eat bitter, we shall develop disproportionate appetite for sweetness. Ayurveda maintains, if we do not have bitter element in our food, it shall also off balance our metabolism.
Science says, adjustment to a mean happy position or what they call a ‘set point’ is intuitive, in-built and natural in all human beings. All we need to do is to be consciously aware of the process. Science calls it homeostasis, which literally means balancing. Our conscious mind is the smartest catalyst for attainment of this balance and poise.
Just be happy, keep smiling, do accept that joy is welcome, pain is also magically loaded with utility, nothing has futility. Keep saying, ‘If I am good, everything shall be good’. There is no possibility, which the conscious mind cannot turn into certainty.
Do I have the conscious ability to count pains also as alternative utility?
Do I willfully adjust my moods and emotions as per life’s random requirements?
Do I have a strong sense of ‘mean happiness’ position, where I revert to before it’s too late?
Color Words With Emotion To Enhance Reception
If a person, you love very deeply, points out some of your weaknesses, you are so happy and say, ‘look, how concerned he or she is about my well-being, it only shows how he or she loves me’. However, if the same thing someone does, whom you do not love, you shall be very upset and would never ever accept his or her words for you.
There is nothing unusual about it. It is our mechanism. Our brain processes and stores information in memory this way. The idea, which comes out of the above realism are two – First, if you are not objective, if you have not trained your mind to accept something without its emotional weight, you miss out on crucial information, which could have been beneficial for you.
The fact is – there would always be many, whom you would not love but still they would say facts, which would be true and a thing for you to learn. Still, there would be always very few, whom you would love but they would not tell you truths.
Secondly, there is this prescription coming out of it – If you say something to someone and wish it to be meaningful and beneficial, you need to color it with beautiful and trustworthy emotions of love, affection, affability and compassion.
The beauty of communication is – reception is always more important than expression. For your communication to be effective and beneficial, you need to ensure, you say it with lots of caring emotions and sentimentality.
You can yourself realize that this is the core trouble in our relationships. Most lovers, couples and friends fall apart and become incommunicable in long-term, simply because of this trouble of non-emotional and non-affectionate communication. When a relationship starts, there is always an overdose of love and what you say, naturally has lots of affection and emotion into it. Your loved person has ease and willingness in accepting them.
Trouble starts, when the words remain the same but emotion and affection quotient goes down. The same words of prudence or caution, which were once a treasure for your loved one, shall become a trouble and this would unleash a series of miscommunication.
You have to admit that this is our mechanism. Our brain is designed this way. It accepts the utility and purpose of any information or signals to it only through the weight of emotion, you assign to it. If emotions are low and uncertain in a relationship, communication is bound to be a disaster. If you wish to have a good communication, you need to ensure its smooth navigation and only high quotient of emotion and affectionate coziness can engender a smooth navigation, leading to the utility and fruition of a communication.
Do I open myself to ideas and facts, independent of intimacy & proximity of source?
Do I assimilate emotions and intelligence well and prioritize them ideally?
Do I wait patiently for my loved one to be in right emotion, before I talk?
Mishandled Potentials And Redemption Prospect
He must have been six years old and his brother a year elder. As kids must, they were onto all sorts of childlike tomfoolery. It would be summer holiday and as their dad would leave for office, they would be off to their usual devil tour, and they had a business at hand.
In front of their house, there was a large ‘mansion’ of an old man, who lived alone. On one side of the mansion there was a tree of luscious berries and on the opposite side, there was a mango tree. In summers, both trees would be full of fruits.
The old man had a virtual tough time. He would chase the two kids away from the berry tree and they would attack the mango tree. As he would limp to other side of his huge mansion, they would have enough time to have our fill.
The old man would be exhausted. He would abuse them and threaten to break their legs and the kids would be no less polite. They would make faces and laugh their hearts out to tease the old man more.
Think of the whole thing; was this all necessary? They should have been good kids; they should never have bothered the old man and what for? These fruits are anyway sold dirt cheap in the market and the kids were not actually hungry, they did it for fun, so bad….!
However, one also cannot resist the thought that if the old man could have understood their childlike stupidities. If the old man could just understand, they could just have taken only a few fruits from his orchard. It is intrinsic nature of trees to give its fruits to others and, the kids were not thieves, just kids!
The old man could have handled the scene skillfully. Consider the change of the scenario: The old man could have invited the kids to his house and allowed them to have their fill. This certainly would have taken the seemingly sadist joy out of their kiddish adventure and they would have moved to some other pranks.
It could not happen. Rather, all bad things happened. Even when, a small gesture and a small idea could have ensured that all good things could have and should have happened. So sad, so bad…!
This is life for us. We all can do all good things. We have the potential to attain goodness out of any situation. However, our follies and we ensure that we land into all sorts of bad and sad things and negativity.
Moreover, usually, we realize when things move away and we have our hands empty. Most do not even realize this simple thing! Sadly, often, wisdom comes to us as a lost opportunity and a post-facto virtue.
We are all born as a huge potential. Science admits that a healthy new born is the ultimate genius of the cosmos as the infant is designed this way. In next few years of the infant’s life however, we all ensure that he learns all stupidities of life!
Sadly, our learning processes take away a major part of our potentials and ensure that we grow up to become otherwise stupid but only culturally genius. We turn the infants as slaves of contemporary popular societal benchmarks as they grow. This suits all cultures and civilizations of all time.
However, we all have a chance to get back to this original genius position, when we grow up and have a maturity stage in life. If, after becoming a grown up, we could start an opposite ‘unlearning process’ to get rid of the slavery of societal mind, we can hit our potentials. Very few people actually understand the utility of such a process of ‘unlearning’. Fewer of them, actually perform it.
There is actually a huge gap between two people – one with a mind being a societal slave and one with a mind freed and liberated after the unlearning mechanism. The unlearning process for an individual is a tough one and only the person himself or herself can opt for it. No amount of persuasion by others could make him or her go for it.
However, one always wishes; there should not be so much of attitude, ingenuity, hypocrisy and sadomasochism when already; the entire being is so brimming with pure affection, intimacy and compassion.
Probably, humanity is still not mature enough to understand and allow the level of pure affection, intimacy and compassion to rule our being and lives. Had it been, there would definitely never have been so much of attitude, ingenuity, hypocrisy and sadomasochism on this beautiful planet.
However, staying optimist is always better. As a poet said, “darkness of night is just a guest, heralding the morning’s inevitable quest!”
Sad it is, not every good thing conforms to the metaphor of inevitability of dawn after night. Therefore, better it is for individuals to say a final goodbye to all attitude, ingenuity, hypocrisy and sadomasochism, before the finality of life draws its curtain.
Do I instinctively react to bad situations or allow it to sink and have a date with compassion?
Do I calculate loss and gain as reason for reaction or peace and prosperity as prime mover?
Do I have the consciousness, which allows all avenues to goodness before resorting to evil?
Cultural Stereotype Of Gender Divide
It is the most difficult question, with probably the simplest answer. Why Life began and sustained on Earth. Because it Found one core element here – Nurturance. All species on earth still have this element in abundance; but probably not humans!
The best platform of nurturance – the male-female bonding is fast collapsing; blame it on the disastrous culture, which has always corroded the platform. The battle and wound between men and women runs deep in our collective consciousness and often seems rooted in the very cells of our bodies.
Men and women often find themselves polarized into opposing positions especially when it comes to intimate bonding, emotional expression, communication, and matters of the union of hearts.
The core of these differences is sometimes expressed as "men want hot sex and women want romantic love," when the truth is that both men and women long for synchronized emotional-bonding, satisfying sex and sustainable love – the key elements of mutual nurturance.
Ancient traditions which honor the sacred union of male and female and recognize the importance of balancing the masculine and feminine elements within each of us, as well as in the external world; offer us an ideal model for nurturance.
When men and women shall be freed from culturally imposed stereotypes and shall reconnect their hearts and the body, harmony and sanity shall be restored.
There is nothing exclusively male or female element in nature or in our bodies. All elements are there in both males and females. It is the stupid engineering of evolution, which segregated roles for two genders a s it suited the survival needs of humanity in a condition, which was very harsh for human survival. In time, these traits got societal and cultural sanctions as culture is always something, which enhances survival and excellence of collectivity.
However, in time, the culture of male-female role se