Domestic Violence Information
What is Abuse?
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Physical - includes pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting with fist, kicking, choking, grabbing, pinching, pulling hair, or threatening with weapons.
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Sexual - includes forced sex with the threat of violence, sex after violence has occurred, or the use of objects or damaging acts without the woman's consent.
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Psychological/Emotional - includes brainwashing, control of the woman's freedom to come and go when she chooses.
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Destruction of property or pets.
Why Women Stay
Situational Factors
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Economic dependence. How can she support herself and the children?
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Fear of greater physical danger to herself and her children if they try to leave.
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Fear of being hunted down and suffering a worse beating than before.
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Survival. Fear that her partner will follow her and kill her if she leaves, often based on real threats by her partner.
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Fear of emotional damage to the children.
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Fear of losing custody of the children, often based on her partner's remarks.
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Lack of alternative housing; she has nowhere else to go.
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Lack of job skills; she might not be able to get a job.
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Social isolation resulting in lack of support from family and friends.
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Social isolation resulting in lack of information about her alternatives.
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Lack of understanding from family, friends, police, ministers, etc.
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Negative responses from community, police, courts, social workers, etc.
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Fear of involvement in the court process; she may have had bad experiences before.
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Fear of the unknown. "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."
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Fear and ambivalence over making formidable life changes.
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"Acceptable violence". The violence escalates slowly over time. Living with constant abuse numbs the victim so that she is unable to recognize that she is involved in a set pattern of abuse.
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Ties to the community. The children would have to leave their school; she would have to leave all her friends and neighbors behind, etc. For some women it would be like being in the Witness Protection program--she could never have any contact with her old life.
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Ties to her home and belongings.
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Family pressure; because Mom always said, "I told
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you it wouldn't work out." or "You made your bed, now you sleep in it”.
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Fear of her abuser doing something to get her (report her to welfare, call her workplace, etc.)
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Unable to use resources because of how they are provided (language problems, disability, homophobia, etc.)
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Time needed to plan and prepare to leave.
Types of Domestic Abuse
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Physical: slapping, pushing, hitting, kicking, biting, etc.
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Emotional: name-calling, putting down, insults, etc.
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Sexual: being forced into sexual contact
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Threats: "If you...I'll kill you!"
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Intimidation: gestures, looks, smashing things
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Isolation: being kept from seeing or talking to others, not allowed to go out.
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Economic: being given an allowance, not allowed to have a job.
Warning Signs
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Shows guilt, ambivalence, and fear over living conditions.
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Feels isolated and untrusting of others, even though she may be involved in the community.
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Is emotionally and economically dependent.
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Has a poor self-concept (this may not have been true BEFORE the relationship).
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Has observed other women in her family being abused or may have been abused as a child.
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Feels angry, embarrassed, and ashamed.
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Is fearful of being insane.
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Has learned to feel helpless and feels powerless.
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Has unexplained injuries that may go untreated.
The abusive man:
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Shows extreme jealousy and wants to keep the woman isolated. Has an inability to cope with stress and shows a lack of impulse control. (This may not necessarily appear outside the home)
