Overcoming the Storms of Life by Dr. Pearlie Jones - HTML preview

Domestic Violence Information

What is Abuse?

• Physical - includes pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting with fist, kicking, choking, grabbing, pinching, pulling hair, or threatening with weapons.
• Sexual - includes forced sex with the threat of violence, sex after violence has occurred, or the use of objects or damaging acts without the woman's consent.
• Psychological/Emotional - includes brainwashing, control of the woman's freedom to come and go when she chooses.
• Destruction of property or pets.

Why Women Stay

Situational Factors

• Economic dependence. How can she support herself and the children?
• Fear of greater physical danger to herself and her children if they try to leave.
• Fear of being hunted down and suffering a worse beating than before.
•  Survival. Fear that her partner will follow her and kill her if she leaves, often based on real threats by her partner.
• Fear of emotional damage to the children.
• Fear of losing custody of the children, often based on her partner's remarks.
• Lack of alternative housing; she has nowhere else to go.
• Lack of job skills; she might not be able to get a job.
• Social isolation resulting in lack of support from family and friends.
• Social isolation resulting in lack of information about her alternatives.
• Lack of understanding from family, friends, police, ministers, etc.
• Negative responses from community, police, courts, social workers, etc.
• Fear of involvement in the court process; she may have had bad experiences before.
• Fear of the unknown. "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."
• Fear and ambivalence over making formidable life changes.
•  "Acceptable violence". The violence escalates slowly over time. Living with constant abuse numbs the victim so that she is unable to recognize that she is involved in a set pattern of abuse.
• Ties to the community. The children would have to leave their school; she would have to leave all her friends and neighbors behind, etc. For some women it would be like being in the Witness Protection program--she could never have any contact with her old life.
• Ties to her home and belongings.
• Family pressure; because Mom always said, "I told
• you it wouldn't work out." or "You made your bed, now you sleep in it”.
• Fear of her abuser doing something to get her (report her to welfare, call her workplace, etc.)
• Unable to use resources because of how they are provided (language problems, disability, homophobia, etc.)
• Time needed to plan and prepare to leave.

Types of Domestic Abuse

• Physical: slapping, pushing, hitting, kicking, biting, etc.
• Emotional: name-calling, putting down, insults, etc.
• Sexual: being forced into sexual contact
• Threats: "If you...I'll kill you!"
• Intimidation: gestures, looks, smashing things
• Isolation: being kept from seeing or talking to others, not allowed to go out.
• Economic: being given an allowance, not allowed to have a job.

Warning Signs

• Shows guilt, ambivalence, and fear over living conditions.
• Feels isolated and untrusting of others, even though she may be involved in the community.
• Is emotionally and economically dependent.
• Has a poor self-concept (this may not have been true BEFORE the relationship).
• Has observed other women in her family being abused or may have been abused as a child.
• Feels angry, embarrassed, and ashamed.
• Is fearful of being insane.
• Has learned to feel helpless and feels powerless.
• Has unexplained injuries that may go untreated.

The abusive man:

• Shows extreme jealousy and wants to keep the woman isolated. Has an inability to cope with stress and shows a lack of impulse control. (This may not necessarily appear outside the home)