Maureen, my younger sister was my mum"s blue eye, but it wasn"t my little sister"s fault, she was younger than me. My mum poisoned her mind; my sister Maureen knows that now.
I see only one of my sisters now because I wrote this book; I didn"t mean to hurt them. It"s like looking back in time am on my own again, but I have made a lot of friends and I have my own family.
153
“Don"t do it Kev.”
I felt low in myself, not eating or drinking properly and I lost a lot of weight. I should have felt happy but I didn"t, it was getting me down. I hardly went out anymore when I should have been out enjoying myself. I plucked up the courage to go and seek medical advice, I phoned from the telephone box in Huyton and explained to the Doctor"s receptionist how I felt, she was very helpful and told me not to worry and she made an appointment for me, for the next day.
That night, I didn"t sleep properly as I hadn"t for months. I was dropping off to sleep for about an 154
hour and then would wake up frightened. The night time was the worst for me. I was scared of the dark. I had night sweats, trying to close my eyes and think of nice thoughts. I longed for the first sunlight in the morning to break through the clouds and that made me feel a little bit happier.
I didn"t tell anyone of my family of what I was going through I kept it in my thoughts not even telling my dad. I couldn"t focus on the future of my life; I thought I was going mad. The life that should have been a happy one was not at that time. I was very happy living with my dad that wasn"t the problem.
The time had come 10am approached the Doctor"s surgery was a 20 minute walk; I had to pass my mum"s house on the way. I remember looking over at her house, thinking that she should have been with me in my time of need, 155
like a mother should. I entered the Doctors and the surgery was packed, I waited my turn thinking of the upsetting feelings and thoughts I was going through. It was a long wait, but my name finally got called and in I went. I was shaking, stuttering and the Doctor told me to calm down and take deep breaths and take time to tell him what my problem was. I explained to the Doctor all of my problems, how I was in care, the Doctor told me I was depressed, I was shocked by this word “I can"t be depressed,” I told him, “I"m only young!” he told me I had been through a lot in my life and he gave me a course of tablets and offered me counselling, which I agreed to. I started to cry I don"t know why, it was too much to take in for me, depression counselling. The Doctor was very sympathetic and told me not to worry and said I would get through this ordeal. I felt a bit better 156
for offloading, but still sad. I attended the counsellor two days a week Tuesday and Friday 10 – 11am. The counsellor was very calm and listening to all of my problems, she was a very nice person and she told me to tell her all of the things that were making me sad. I told her I was in foster and children"s homes and that my mum had no time for me. The hours I spent with her made me feel a little better, she spoke in a very calm manner. It was like she knew what I was going through. I visited the counsellor for about a year, she helped me feel better but the bad thoughts were still there in the back of my mind like a permanent marker. I was weaned off the tablets and got on with my life, the best I could.
I was glad I went to the Doctor and the counsellor who knows what would have happened if I never. The counsellor told me not 157
to suffer in silence and told me she was there for me if I ever needed to talk.
158
“Recycling Roger”
“Another mans rubbish is another mans fortune.”
Getting back to my dad again he would go out with his mate in the morning to car boot sales, skips and find old battered furniture that people had thrown out.
He would bring them home get his hammer, nails, screws and drill out, to fix the tables and chairs and bits and bobs he would find I the 159
skips, the place was a mess, old wood shavings everywhere, screws and tools, etc. My dad would always come home with a pocket full of money and treat me to a chippy tea.
It never happened every week some good and some bad weeks. I remember one day he came home with a Persian rug that he had found in an alleyway it was soaking wet and I said to him
“Dad you"re never going to make any money out of that, it"s a show.” He screamed at me and said “I"ll make money out of this, just watch.”
So he rolled the carpet out in the middle of the floor and hundreds of maggots were crammed in the middle of it, he got the hoover and hoovered them all up, scrubbed the carpet with washing up liquid and left it on the line for a week but when it finally dried it was like new and he sold it to a local antique shop in Old Swan, Liverpool for £30 which was a lot of money then.
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He came back and gave me a £5 note, I was made up and then I said “Dad you can sell anything,” and he did.
My dad also visited car boot sales and made a few bob on the stuff he had fixed, also he would walk around himself and grab himself a bargain.
I would sometimes go with my dad I would drive him there.
On the way we would pick up his mate John, he was getting on a bit as well, but they reminded you of the two old guys off “The Muppet Show.” Even though they were friends they always argued all the time but they always made up. I found it really funny. John would visit our house every single night, he and my dad would exchange
things
that
they
had
bought
throughout the day. John was a nice man, he was my dad"s best friend, John kept my dad company although he would get on my dad"s 161
nerves sometimes, they were really good friends and without John my dad would have been lonely.
I can remember when my dad first met my girlfriend he asked her did she need anything from the car boot sale and she said she would like a purse, as the zip had broken on her one.
That afternoon, my dad came to ours and he presented the purse to my girlfriend Kim, she looked at me and I looked at her, she didn"t know what to say but said “Thank you Roger, its lovely.”
The purse was huge; it was mustard with a big silver clasp on the top of it, like something from the 50"s. My dad stayed and ate his tea with us; he had steak in gravy and wolfed every bit of it down. When I took him home me and my 162
girlfriend laughed all the way home about the purse, the thought was there, that"s the main thing.
163
Next Stage
I was bored just sitting around and doing the same old thing. My dad went to buy the daily newspaper, and when I started reading it I noticed an advertisement for budding actors to join a local theatre.
I joined the Liverpool Playhouse Youth Theatre.
It was hard for me but I thought I would make friends, I thought it would get me out of my shell a bit. I was scared because of what I had been through, but I joined. I was quiet at first which some of the other members found strange but as time went on I started to enjoy going.
Within time my confidence grew, it had to; this was probably the best choice I had made in my life so far. When you do acting they build up 164
your confidence which was something I was definitely lacking.
It was twice a week and I loved it. I did a lot of plays. It was great performing in front of lots of people. I didn"t play any leading roles but I was part of a group and enjoyed just being there on the stage. It was scary but a wonderful experience it was where I could forget all my troubles. Being in character was the best part, I was playing somebody instead of me and I felt comfortable with this. I was there for about 3
years.
Apart from being a member of the Liverpool Playhouse, I joined another theatre in Liverpool, the Everyman Youth Theatre.
I was treading the boards. There was a guy from Manchester who approached me to play a character in a play he wrote. It was a twelve 165
week production, I had only two pages of dialogue, the play was called „Giving it up!"
about drugs. I was made up. The character I played was a „look out" for the drug dealers.
I also joined a casting agency, which was run by a well known actor. I got some T.V work and finally got my “Equity Card.” This was a real boost for me. My insecurities were fading away.
I had a meaning in my life and time passed by happily for a change.
166
“Me as a young Thespian”
I got lots of work on T.V. and one of my best experiences was that of playing alongside well known Hollywood actresses and actors, of whom I cannot mention in this book due to legal reasons. It was a film about war time. The name of the film was “Till we meet again.”
I worked in a pub which was upstairs from the agency called “The Limelight.” The man who runs the agency and pub gave me a job 167
collecting glasses, cleaning, we were friends. I spent all day and night helping out for about four years.
There was lots of shows on in the bar area. I was in one of the shows called “Bookies Runner,” I remembered all my lines, I was amazed, it was a lot of pressure for me as I had the main part but did it well. I didn"t know that the press were there from The Daily Post, I was mentioned in the paper the next day, and it read “The performance of the evening came from Kevin Slater, in “Bookies Runner.” I know it sounds silly but I was made up that I was in the local press. I had never been in the news in my life, so seeing a story in the paper, well I was so proud of myself, and my dad was too.
The man who ran “The Limelight,” is a well known actor who is from Liverpool he had two dogs and I used to take the dogs for walks with 168
him. I also went to his house in Wales; helping him do some work in his house. I still see him now and again, but he is so busy. If you"re reading this, you know who you are - you helped me a lot, I could have been hanging around the streets but you let me go to “The Limelight” thank you. I had some good times there but the club sadly closed and so did the agency. The Liverpool T.V. star began to get more work on the T.V. The agency moved to another building run by someone else.
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I"m now in another agency, the best in Liverpool.
It is run by Chris Smith one of the best Casting Agents in Liverpool
170
Police Stop
I had a little boy at the age of 25, he is so precious to me, I had a relationship with a girl, but unfortunately it didn"t work out. I got access to my son, eventually after fighting in court for him; this was a heartbreaking experience for me.
I saw my son at weekends and did my best, we had good times together but he could be a handful, like most little boys. I took him to the park and swimming and we also played football in the street.
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One day I took my son to the museum, he was about 8 years old at the time and somehow he had set off all the fire alarms, my son denied that he done this, but just by looking at him I knew he had done it. I didn"t know where to put my face and told him off, but he thought it was funny. I wasn"t very good at telling him off. We still laugh about that incident to this day.
On another occasion I took him to the library and my eldest sister had bought him a toy gun, which he had with him. I didn"t like him having the gun so I took it off him, I put the gun in the glove compartment and told my son he could have it when he goes back home. We then went into the library, for a few hours. We left the library and headed to the car park, where we decided we would go to Sefton Park to kill a few hours there. We were driving along the road then all of a sudden there were four police cars, 172
two in front of me and two behind, flashing blue lights, I couldn"t believe it, didn"t know what was going on, the police car in front had a sign on it saying “Police Stop!” I pulled over and police got out of their vehicles and were pointing their guns at me, my son was sitting next to me, he was scared. I was asked to get out of the car and asked to lie on the ground, to which I did. I got handcuffed and was asked did I have anything in the car that I shouldn"t have, I replied “No.” I was worried, my nerves were getting the better of me – one of the police officers said “A member of the public had seen me with a gun in the car outside the library?” I replied “Yes it"s my son"s toy gun; it"s in the glove compartment.” The police officers searched the car and found the gun and told the other officers who were pointing their guns at me that it was a toy gun found and not a real 173
gun. The police officers then told me to stand up and told me I could go and that everything is fine and said they were just doing their job following up an inquiry. I got back in the car and I was a nervous wreck but I just looked at my son, he thought it was funny but he was scared.
My dad adored my son, my son would visit my dad daily, and my dad would buy him special treats like mars bars and things. My son and dad grew really close and when my son used to visit as my dad got sick, he would give him his medication and keep him company not because he had to but because he wanted to. Also my sisters loved my son, when they would visit and my dad wanted to go shopping they would take my son with them and my dad would buy him all sorts.
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Just before my dad passed away he gave my son his gold ring and my son was made up, I know he will treasure it forever. When my dad died my son found it hard as he was really close to him, but in time he grew to accept it.
My son has since grown up and he is bigger than me he has his ups and downs but he is doing well.
175
On My Own Again
I was single for a while, going out and about with my friends to pubs, but only drank a small amount of alcohol, as it didn"t agree with me. I did have a couple of bad experiences with alcohol, and one night when I got home from the pub I knocked my dad up out of bed, because I forgot my key and wanted to be sick and my dad wasn"t impressed at all, he was shouting “You bastard,” all over the street, usually I would go mad but I was in no fit state on that night. My dad had a stair lift as he was 176
old and when I got him out of bed it took him ages to get his slippers on and then go to the stair lift, which seem to take ages getting down the stairs, by the time he got to the door he was really angry, but this just made me laugh which made him even angrier.
I woke up the next day and felt ill, and swore I would never get drunk again. From then on I was careful with my drink.
I take after my dad in a lot of ways, I"m always looking for bargains, I love car boot sales, and I can"t walk or drive past a skip without having a peek in.
I love going to Pound land, the stuff in there you can get is unbelievable, the note pad and pen I am writing this book is from Poundland, this book will probably be sold in Poundland ha, ha, well, its in my blood anything for a bargain. I 177
love to grab a good bargain and always look for them in my spare time.
I did meet a few girls and enjoyed the experience but nothing too serious. I just wanted to have fun and nothing to tie me down again, as I was enjoying being single, doing my own thing. I just lived day to day visiting family and friends and going places I wanted to go and not having to please anybody but me. I always looked forward to the weekends to see my son.
When I saw my son I used to spend all my money on him and then had to borrow money off my dad. I wanted to build bridges between me and my son but it was hard as I wasn"t living with him. He was my first child and only two years old when I moved out. It was horrible, something I don"t want to go through ever again. I love my son very much.
178
College Sweethearts
I wasn"t working and I was bored, I wanted to do more acting as I was already in an agency. I saw an advertisement in the job centre for this scheme doing drama; it was right up my street.
It was a college called “Jarvis.” I did drama and music there, I played loads of parts and had a laugh and made a few friends. I was there for about 3 months when one day I saw this girl who had curly blonde hair, she was nice. I just used to say hello as I walked past her and she would say hello back that was it really. I did 179
acting workshops and lots of plays. Kim did what I was doing but with another tutor, she acted and sang as well.
Kim sang a song by Madonna and that is when I knew I fancied her, but she was with another guy on the stage and I got jealous and asked her to do the same with me one time, to which she did. I would meet Kim in the canteen and have egg, chips and peas ready for her when she entered and a hot mug of tea, she likes her food.
One day although me and Kim were just friends I knew through the college that there was going to be a teddy bears picnic and for children to bring the best dressed teddy and they win a prize, it was in Birkenhead Park, Kim asked me to come along and bring my son. So I did, Kim was in a play called “Goldie Locks and the three bears,” she played Goldie Locks, she was good and my son was made up as he actually thought 180
she was Goldie Locks. They got on okay, but had to take it one step at a time. The day was really enjoyable and I was glad that I went. My son enjoyed it too. It was time to go home and I gave Kim a lift home, she was made up but she did feel embarrassed as she was still dressed as Goldie Locks.
There were lots of interesting people at Jarvis, some quite famous. It was a really good experience to be at Jarvis and I learned a lot whilst I was there.
It is fate when two people get together as really I wasn"t meant to go to that college, I had just got my Bronze Medallion to become a lifeguard, and was due to start a job, however I had hurt my arm through a fall and was unable to take the job on, so I took the chance to do acting again and am glad I did because otherwise I wouldn"t have met Kim.
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Me and Kim spent more time together and we both took my son out on occasion, but took it slow, we had some good times. But one time Kim was really nervous as we took my son on the ferry and he was near the edge and wouldn"t come away but in the end he listened to me and came and sat on my knee.
Kim invited me to her mum and dad"s house in Kirkby for a meal, I was so nervous because her mum Margaret was a Social Worker, she understood me.
We all sat round the table and I got passed the salt, as soon as I shook it the top came flying off and the whole jar of salt was sitting in the middle of my meal, it broke the ice, we all laughed. I used to visit Kim at her mum and dad"s, they made me so welcome, we used to sit 182
and watch T.V. but we did go through a stint of going to the pictures, etc.
183
Fresh Start
A few months later Kim and I decided to move into a house together, rented of course, we had nothing, we got furniture off family, I borrowed Kim"s dad"s car to get furniture from family members, it was raining all day, a horrible day to move, but it had to be done, I was driving in the rain and the window wipers moving backwards and forwards, the next minute I crashed the car into a meals on wheels van, I panicked so gave a different registration number and name and got off quick, the guy was pretty 184
old. When I returned to the car it was only the light that was broken so I had to buy one from a car scrap yard.
I finally got the light and walked in Kim"s parents house, with it, I walked over to her dad Norman, who wasn"t pleased, I was stood there with the light in my hand and a trail of oily footprints from the front door to the kitchen, I had made a real mess of the carpet, the scrap yard is full of oil and mud, and this was all over the carpet right through to the kitchen. I didn"t think to wipe my feet. I couldn"t stop laughing with my nerves trying not to let Norman see me laugh, I could feel tension, tears rolling down my face, I couldn"t catch my breath, I walked out into the hallway so Norman couldn"t see me laugh as it was making the situation worse.
Margaret, Kim"s mum resolved the matter, like water off a ducks back. The light on the car got 185
fixed and the carpet was scrubbed clean, then we left and went home. Norman was okay with me after this, I didn"t blame him for having a go at me. The carpet was in a real state.
We moved into a house, two up, two down, it was in Wavertree, somewhere that was unfamiliar both for me and Kim, we didn"t really like it there, but we got on with it. We set up home as best as we could, we didn"t have much. I and Kim had spoke about having a child together and after settling in we tried for a baby, 9 months later we had a beautiful daughter called Charlotte. Kim moved back home for support from her mum and dad who were really good parents and I moved back in with my dad.
This was a good move, we couldn"t settle in the house we were in. Our daughter was doted on by her grandparents, they loved her so much and Kim"s mum, Charlotte"s “Nan” really looked 186
after her well, doing the dirty nappies and making up the feeds. Kim"s dad, Charlotte"s
“Granddad” loved to make her laugh and help teach her to walk, and Scott Charlotte"s Uncle would also make her laugh and help out when he could. Charlotte was doted on by all the family including my dad as well; she had a special place in his heart too. My sisters all visited as well, it was good to have family gatherings at Kim"s parent"s house. The video camera would be out all the time so you had to make sure your hair was done and you looked presentable. Our Charlotte was a thriving toddler when we decided to get a house together so we could be a proper family. The house was really big but we had been with a letting agency for a while and so we just took the first option.
It was the scruffiest house in the street but we were renting and we tried to keep it up to a good 187
standard, I painted everywhere the best I could.
It had big bay windows and when it was cold the wind used to howl through them, as the house was really old, over 100 years old and the windows had not been replaced, they still had old sashes in them. There was no central heating and we still had old lead pipes. It was that cold that the windows on the inside were icing up, we got well wrapped up to keep warm, all wore fleece jumpers and pants, I wore a balaclava and our Charlotte wore a ski suit in bed and a woolly hat to keep warm.
One frosty morning the door bell rang, it was the milkman, I opened the door but forgot I still had my balaclava on, he got the shock of his life, he asked me for the milk tokens, I couldn"t find them I was still half asleep, so I shouted Kim, she came down the stairs like she was going for a jog in her sweatpants, leg warmers 188
and hat and our daughter had her coat on and a woolly hat, we looked like Eskimo"s.
He just stared at us and took the milk tokens and walked backwards for a few steps and headed for the gate, he was looking back at us. I and Kim couldn"t stop laughing when he went.
We enjoyed being together as a family and we did up my son"s room in all Power Rangers wallpaper, he was made up to come and stay with us. He gets on really well with our Charlotte, they love each other like brother and sister should.
I started applying for jobs and finally got an interview for a funeral parlour, not the best job, but it was a start. I got the job and found it to be very interesting but hard work. I only worked on an if and when required basis. I got to drive the big limousines, which I enjoyed. It was sad most 189
of the time though as people had lost loved ones.
I and Kim stayed in that house for about 12
months. There were quite a few repairs that needed to be done in the house we were in and it was absolutely freezing, we had damp walls too.
We did speak with the landlord to get the repairs done, they did eventually remove and replace the lead pipes but that was all. Enough was enough, it was a nice enough area, but our daughter was really young and we wanted something better for her. We moved to a better house, just by a park in Liverpool. It was a lovely area, very quiet.
Things were getting better, I applied for another job in the local hospital and got it and money was coming in.
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Charlotte started school and joined a local dance school and started dancing lessons, with her friends, she is in lots of shows and doing really well. She is also doing a bit of acting, which is coming on a treat.
191
Sad Reflections
Going back to my mother, I saw her one day in Huyton village, I hadn"t seen her in months, she stopped looked at me probably asking herself
“Is it him” said hello and then made this silly excuse “I am in a rush” 20 second conversation to her only son.
I shrugged my shoulders and walked away, was she sent down from another planet I wondered, 192
it makes you think! I hope they broke the mould when they made her. All my sisters don"t like her; they just tolerate her, that"s what they tell me.
I get on with some of my sisters they are always there for me, and they have lovely children, they brought them up better than my mum did. Once we were all at a christening a few years ago, and my mum had hold of a young baby and a family member said “Isn"t she lovely,” referring to the baby, to which my mum responded “Yes my daughter asked me to hold her,” my mum went on to say “I don"t know who she is.” It was her grand daughter. My mother is a grandmother to several grandchildren and is also a great grandmother, I don"t think she would recognise half of them, sad but true.
Another time I saw her by the bus stop and it was pouring with rain, as I got closer in the car I 193
thought shall I ask her does she want a lift out of the rain, but then just drove passed. I stopped the car further up the road, the heavens where opening, the rain was lashing down and I looked in my mirror and I saw my mum soaking wet and I felt really bad. But then I thought of my past as a child, so I put my heater on in the car full blast and drove away.
It felt really good, but I was still thinking should I have done that? If she was a good mum of course I would have stopped the car but no, mum"s aren„t meant to be horrible and nasty to their children, they are supposed to love and care for them. Are people born to be like that I ask myself, “No” is the answer, they are there to love, care and be there for them in happy and sad times.
I know life is not a bed of roses but it shouldn"t be a field of nettles. Children don"t get brought 194
into this world not to be loved, imagine that, life"s not that cruel.
I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life, like a lot of people but I take every day as it comes. I live for the moment – I know it sounds daft but when I had the accident when I was 3 I feel very lucky to be alive. I am very optimistic and time is a great healer.
The memories of growing up as a child in Huyton will never leave me. I just wish they were good not bad.
I wanted them to but they won"t go away, but I learnt to cope. I have a funny side to me, I also have a sad side, and I just get into my car and drive to Sefton Park, cup of hot coffee, paper from the local newsagents and sit by the boating lake in the park, chilling out.
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When I"m not in work I go there. Its good stress release for me, I"ve been going there for years seeing the same old faces.
I also used to go to the car auctions buying and selling cars, went there for years, met a guy, he was old but he knew about cars. It was funny because he used to go the Limelight years before and we remembered each other, he was a funny guy. I bought a few cars off him, he had been in the car game for years, he also had a lot of property, and his house was like a mansion in Knowsley Village.
I was there a lot, he had several cars scattered everywhere, he had a lot of land with the house, he used to do weddings also.
Sadly my friend passed away, I miss him, it wasn"t the same going the auctions not seeing him there, and he is missed by a lot of people. I 196
went to the auctions 2 or 3 times a week with him.
My other friend is Mandy, she is also interested in cars, she"s my best friend, and we went to the auctions for years as well.
I"m still friends with her now and her mum, Mandy is like a sister to me, that"s what our relationship is like, and she is always going on holidays with her 2 children. She moved house and had a house warming party, my god it was like feeding the 5,000. It was like an off license with the alcohol, Mandy doesn"t do things by halves ha-ha.
Mandy loves her children she has got a lot of time for them, that"s what all mums should be like, “You"re my best mate Mandy.”
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Me, Kim and Charlotte had a ball at Mandy"s house warming party that"s what life all about having fun, living it to the full.
I can"t remember having a party in my mum"s house, not even a Birthday party; I would be lying if I said I could. She is an evil, selfish person. No pearly gates of heaven will be waiting for her.
I am now settled in my life, it"s been a long hard slow process to where I am now, free from the neglect, hatred, not being loved by my one and only mum and being bullied by her so called lodger. If only things were different when I was younger, coming home to a nice atmosphere, happy faces, laughs, doing family things like going for meals out, cinemas, or even just going for a bus ride or a walk in the park, no it never ever happened.
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I watched other families doing all those things, wishing it was me and my family.
I have just found out by my younger sister Maureen that she remembers being put into foster care for a short time. I mentioned my sister Maureen earlier in this book, as „my mums blue eye" but I was so wrong. I can"t believe she put Maureen into care; she did obviously not to my knowledge till now.
Me and Maureen had a long chat; she knew that me and my older sister were put into care.
Maureen went on to say that she remembers going to live with a woman carer and also remembers being in a bathroom and her hair being washed in nit lotion, her hair was crawling with nits.
She remembers crying and feeling ashamed. As she was telling me I could not believe my ears, 199
my little baby sister went through the same ordeal, I was sad to hear that. She also told me that she remembers being in the front garden of my mum"s house and seeing me and the lodger /
boyfriend in the alleyway, which separated our house from the neighbours, she heard me crying and saw my hands covering my face. She went onto say she ran upstairs to her room and was crying because she was frightened and upset.
She tells me that she remembers this very clearly.
To this day I don"t remember this incident.
Maybe it is a good thing and when you are hurt or have been hurt numerous times, not physically but psychologically I think that you get a mental block. I was shocked to hear that my baby sister had been put in foster care, she must have been terrified, to think that my 200
mother had done that to her, it"s quite alarming but she is capable of anything.
I am not going to see my mother ever again, for what she has done to me and my sisters. When my mothers life is finally up I won"t be attending the funeral but when she is laid to rest I will sit at her graveside and read this book to her and put it on her grave so she can see what kind of mother she was, because she doesn"t realise it now but maybe, just maybe she will have a little remorse.
I can say with my hand on my heart that the bad upbringing we all have suffered is not fiction but true fact and I have the backing of some of my sisters and close family in-laws. Some of family are against me writing this book? I ask myself why? We all know what we all went through with my mother.
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I felt it is my „Right of Speech," to write this book. I am not interested in what people think of me writing this book, it"s my life.
There are couples out there who can"t have children and would love to have them and watch them grow up and do well in life; there are mums out there who do not deserve to have children, like my mother!
I don"t drink, my girlfriend calls me golden liver, I don"t smoke, don"t do drugs, I"m just a normal guy, try to make people laugh, I"m a happy person I don"t need drink or drugs to make me happy, I get high on life but hey for people who do drink or take drugs that"s their life, their choice.
I go to work, pay the bills, try and keep my life sweet, I don"t bother with mates apart from Mandy and Joan who I mentioned early in this 202
book, and some work colleagues. My soul mate is Kim, my girlfriend.
I take my daughter to school every morning I only work late shifts in work, but when I"m off I take her and pick her up, that"s what dads do.
I would have been happier in Liverpool. Yes we got gifts but nothing special, the gifts weren"t off my real mum and dad, that would have been lovely to wake up on Christmas morning and birthdays to, a real family with my sisters, but my childhood wasn"t like that. The days weeks, months were long living in the care home. There are children who have left the care system and their lives are screwed up, doing drugs, drinking and becoming alcoholics, down and outs living on the streets wondering where their next meal is coming from, what park bench or doorway they are going to spend their night.
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I was lucky my dad was waiting for me, I kept strong. I"m not going to let the healing wounds open again, they are healed and healed I hope they will stay. Yes there are times when I think back on the life I had in foster and care homes, and then I think what I have now in my life, believe me it"s a million times better, I"m so much happier. I am more content and I know I am lucky to have survived the care system. I was made up living with my dad but my dad became very ill, and was in and out of hospital a lot. Nobody knew at first what was wrong; I visited him with my sisters and sometimes on my own. It was really upsetting seeing him lying in a hospital bed. I was used to seeing him in his armchair by the fire with his dog called Tina sitting on his knee having a cup of tea.
When he got better I would be made up to see him back home. All the family would come 204
around and make a fuss of him, he loved that.
When they all went me and my dad would sit and watch TV together. I love him so much. His neighbour Joan would come in when I was out and make him cups of tea and toast. He loved Joan she was a good friend to my dad, they had good times together.
Time went by and my dad"s health was getting worse, he was deteriorating. Once again he was admitted to hospital, this time he had test after test and then he was diagnosed with Lymphoma.
My whole world fell apart. I didn"t want my dad to die. He was all I had as a parent; he was put on a lot of medication My dad was our world he was there when my mother wasn"t. I wanted her to have cancer, not my dad. He didn"t deserve to go through the pain.
It was our decision not to tell my dad of his illness we didn"t want to upset him or panic 205
him; I know that we did the right thing doing that. My dad came home once again from a long stay in hospital. He was doing as well as can be but as time passed my poor dad once again was rushed to hospital, it was me who phoned an ambulance, his face had drooped to one side and he had no movement in his arms. He had suffered a stroke. He was in hospital for several months, he lost his swallow from having the stroke and he could not eat or drink.
The Doctor"s said instead of food or drink going into his stomach it was going into his lungs and he had to have a tube in his stomach it is called
“Peg Tube” where they put liquidized food, I cried and cried seeing my dad losing weight, he loved his food and now he had none weeks passed and my dad was transferred to another hospital and he finally got his swallow back. I can remember walking into his room in the 206
hospital and he was eating yoghurt, I was so happy to see him eating, even though it was only yoghurt. The nursing staff were lovely; they said they are starting him on liquidized food like soup, mash and gravy. I was so happy that my dad was having real food again. He stayed in that hospital for a few months and it was decided that it would be best for him to go into a nursing home, he needed nursing care, it was a hard decision to make for me and my sisters, but he would get the care he needed. Me and my sisters had our own families, but also work
commitments.
We
all
decided
unanimously that my dad should go into a care home, we visited him every day, there was always someone there with him, I would spend hours with him, I know that sounds daft but I wish I could have lived there with him. Me and my sisters were on a rota so he was never left 207
alone. My young sister Maureen worked in a nursing home and there was a vacancy for a resident, so my sister applied for my dad to go and live in her care home. My dad was looking very weak; I wanted him to go in Maureen"s care home so he could be with her. Maureen wanted that to.
The news came that he could be with my sister and he was so happy to move there. My dad spoke of seeing Maureen every day and he loved spending time with her in his last days.
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My dad passed away
Six weeks after moving into the nursing home my dad sadly passed away when my sister Maureen was on shift. I know it was fate that my dad moved there and glad that he spent time with his daughter and she was there for him in his final hours. He passed away in his sleep, I"m glad he wasn"t in any pain and he looked so peaceful, if there is a god I thank you.
We were all devastated of the loss of a great dad. We knew he never had long to live but you cannot prepare yourself for the heartache.
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We all pulled together as a family and prepared for his departure to the other side. A few days before his funeral we all went shopping for the buffet and as we were walking around the supermarket my dads favourite song came on, we all looked at each other and smiled and one of my sisters said “He must be here to help us shop” the song had finished and one of my other sisters was in a different aisle of the shop and came running looking for us all. She was shaking and said that she has just seen my dad!
We all rushed to where the man was and looking from behind, it was my dad! The man turned around and he wore the same clothes, flat cap and glasses that my dad had wore. He just smiled at us all and carried on shopping, that was a strange day but I"m sure that my dad was there that day.
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My dad was in a funeral parlour in Wavertree, I went every day and he looked so peaceful. I put my head on his shoulders as he lay in his coffin and I cried. I told him how much of a brilliant dad he was and I was so sorry that I wasn"t with him when he passed away. I left the funeral parlour and I knew I was never going to see him ever again. I sat in my car outside the funeral parlour, I felt so empty inside, and I had another cry and then drove home, trying to console myself. The day of the funeral finally came; obviously it was a sad day for us all and his close friends. We had done all our crying and the day went really well. My dad"s funeral was a nice service. My mother didn"t phone any of us or make any contact to any one of us when my dad passed away. We wasn"t expecting it, people like her don"t do nice things like that in times of sadness and loss. If I saw her before 211
she dies I would walk right passed her, she probably wouldn"t know me anyway. I have so much hatred for her. She has no love or affection for anyone. All the memories in my life living with my mother and being put into the care system are still in the back of my mind, but I"m not going to let her spoil my future now.
Maybe my mother had a bad childhood, but if that"s the case she should have broken the cycle, someone has to and I bet that in this world there are many mothers who may have had a traumatic upbringing but they never took it out on their children, if they did that should not happen ever.
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As the years passed I decided to track down anyone was in care with me in the children"s home in Preston. I finally tracked then down on
“Friends Reunited” the police officer and his wife. It took me months but finally found them.
The police officer runs a business and I plucked up the courage to phone him. I dialled the number and waited for somebody to answer it, somebody finally did, I explained the call to him and to my surprise it was his son who was only very young when I lived with his family. He remembered me, we chatted for a while and I passed my mobile number to him, to pass on to his mum and dad. A few weeks passed and I got a call off his mum, she apologised for not getting in touch earlier and we spoke for a long time on the phone. She said she never forgot me and my sister and she still had some photographs of me when I lived in the care 213
home. I also spoke to her husband and we had a good chat about the Harris children"s home. He said he was planning a reunion in the near future and would like me to come and meet them and other children who where there. I can"t wait to see what they look like. Well that day finally came and I met up with them it was a very lovely day, we all chatted about our memories of the Harris orphanage and the couple who looked after us were so kind to all of us and made me and the rest of the people very welcome. I loved that day so much, I really did.
Well this is the end of a long chapter in my life I"m now 44 years old, 2 teenagers, I"m sitting in my own house surrounded by my family who I love, they are there for me as I am for them.
Oh and some of my dodgy D.I.Y.
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Negative or Positive
My life was almost back on track, feeling happier, secure job until one day May 10th 2009, was this day going to change life?.
My job is working besides doctors and nurses looking after sick patients in a local hospital. On one day I got prepared to go around the ward to take blood samples from patients, I went into the treatment room to gather my equipments 215
together reached for a sharps box and suddenly I got a sharp pain in my thumb, it was a needle sticking out of an overfilled sharps box, needle side up. Panic hit me, I was sent to the A+E
department and got blood samples taken, I was in total shock. I went back to the ward and carried on with my duties the best I could but still in shock. I wasn"t even asked did I want to go home so I stayed in work till the end of my shift watching the clock wishing it would go faster. I was frightened of what the outcome was going to be.
The time had come for me to go home thank god I thought. I arrived home and told my partner Kim what had happened, she was worried for my health as I was. That night I could not sleep or eat anything, I had bad racing thoughts.
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The next day I was off work and I got a phone call from the occupational health department in the hospital to visit them for more blood tests.
As you know a needle injury is very serious and I know the outcome if worse comes to worse. I arrived at the hospital obviously with worry and waited to get more blood tests taken.
The needle could have had anything on it, H.I.V, HEP.C who knows, I was told I would have to wait 6 months for my results.
Another life change I had to encounter for 6
whole months. I started to drink heavily to block out the worry. I was angry, frustrated shouting in a drunken state which was something I had never done before. I went to my local G.P and told him what had happened and I was put on anxiety tablets, this was not Kev at all, I had changed, my moods getting worse and worse, I 217
was shaking my leg nervously I didn"t know I was doing it.
I went through a lot of sleepless drunken nights; my life was going down hill fast. I didn"t care anymore I could be living with H.I.V or HEP.C
I have seen people with it and it"s not a nice sight. I would go to Sefton Park a lot and buy my booze; I would just pass out after drinking. I was upsetting my family who I loved.
The time had come to get my blood results, the last 6 months felt like 6 years. The letter was waiting for me on the floor as I opened the front door; I opened the letter peeling it slowly, was my life going to change for the worse? I prayed I was not infected with this deadly disease. I opened the envelope and read, all clear.
I was so happy, 6 long months I had waited for this day and at that moment I felt free from 218
worry, anger, and frustration. My life I could put back on track. It would take time but I would get my life back and I did. I tried to cope, it was hard, but I had made it to the other side, just about. I am so happy I"m here to tell the events and stayed alive. For the children who are still in care you can take the hard road or the easy road, believe me the easy road is much better, I know because I have gone down both.
I"m not the only person who this has happened to, I just hope they have made it, like me, who have come through their ordeal. Stay strong, stay safe, be nice to people who have time to be nice to you and anyone can make a baby it only takes a minute, but a lifetime to bring them up right. As I look back upon my life there were more bad times than good, I had a mother that did not show me any love and put me in the care system for years, how can anyone do that, I was 219
her only son. I am sort of a loner; I like my own space, even when I lived with my dad we done our own things. I am happy now with my family, my daughter, my son, and my girlfriend Kim who has been there for me, she is the best mum in the world to my daughter, and I love my children more than words can say. I have my own house, new car and go on holidays abroad.
Far from the shouting, screaming and not being wanted, but as the saying goes there is always someone treated worse than you! I am not looking for sympathy, what happened to me in my life is happening somewhere you live.
As I said in the beginning of this book this is dedicated to my Father Roger Slater who sadly passed away in the year 2000. Dad you made me get through my ordeal and I love and miss you more and more each day.
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Roger Slater 1920 – 2000
