Biffo in the jail kitchen and a good laugh had by all.
First published – Feb 19 2008.
There was all ready a fair bit of tension at the gaol kitchen in the week leading up to this knuckle.
The screws had some health department guys coming through to check things out and they were on us to be well behaved.
The last seven days had seen the screws riding us all day everday to make sure the whole kitchen was sparkling clean.
Goulburn kitchen cooks for itself and a few other surrounding prisons in NSW so it's a pretty big joint to look after.
Us lads all ways kept it pretty clean anyway of course but the screws were all ways nervous when the health department came through.
Either that or they enjoyed the extra excuse to be bastards.
To package the meals in the kitchen there was a special room with perspex walls so the screws could see inside as twenty or so lads stood inside packing sandwiches or meals ready for lunch and dinner at Goulburn and the other gaols.
When you first start for work at the kitchen if you are assigned a job there then you start of in "The Sandwhich room" which is the perspex room I was talking about.
I had done my time in there but was now out on the floor in the cooking area but I could still see through the perspex in to the sandwhich room.
Many times during the time I spent at Goulburn me and the other lads on the floor would laugh at the arguments and things in the sandwich room as we looked in through the perspex wall like it was a tv playing a b grade movie.
So the day comes around for the health department to show up and as soon as we arrived at work the head screw at the kitchen a guy named 'Smitty' was warning us to be behaved or there would be hell to pay.
Smitty was something like a fat redneck Mr Bean with a bad temper and loved being in charge.
So we all got our work gear on including hairnets which was a funny sight and then we headed to our jobs around the kitchen.
The screws all ways chose an inmate to run the sandwich room, usually someone that all the boys got along with and at this stage the guy in the job was a big country bloke who I think was named Robbo but that could just be because he was from the town of Robertson NSW I cant really remember.
Either way Robbo was in charge and just like with nearly everyone the screws put in charge of that sandwich room he lost a few mates around the place.
Around eleven am in the morning the guys in white coats arrived with there clip boards and started inspecting the kitchen.
The inspection went pretty well and the coats were happy with how clean we had the place so them and the screws all headed in to the office to finish things off and have a coffee.
While the screws were having a coffee and a laugh Robbo and a young Japanese guy who had recently been transferred to Goulburn were beginning to have a little bit of an argument over Robbo telling him what to do.
I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying but the body language and waving of hands said they weren't happy with each other at all.
The Japanese fellow wasn't very big but he had a crazy look about him and had all ready tried to off himself a couple of times while inside so he seemed like a pretty unstable character.
So they are having an argument and then next thing you know the Japanese guy just lost it and unleashes a combo on Robbo's head.
Catching Robbo a bit by surprise with the intensity of his attack he landed five or six flush hits straight in to Robbo's face and Robbo fell back left and then right waving his head about and spraying blood over about four or five hundred sandwiches that were being packaged!
At this point Robbo gets a hit in and the punching became wrestling as people were sent falling over and sandwiches and ingredients were spilt all over the floor.
As Robbo gets his hit in Smitty see's what‟s going on and the fat prick rips of his blue screws shirt and comes running from the office and in to the sandwich room.
With the help of another two screws they break the fight up with a bit of a scuffle just after some blood had been spat on to the walls and food.
Smitty had come out of the office to save the day with his fat gut bouncing around in his bonds tank top in front of the health department guys so the whole floor of us inmates working had burst in to laughter.
That still makes me laugh to this day, picture clark kent ripping of his shirt to change in to a poster child for the obesity epidemic instead of superman.
Im not sure what ever happened as a result of the biff but I do know Smitty was even less fun to be around then usual for a long time.
Robbo stayed on, finished his sentence and was then released from Goulburn.
The Japanese guy was transferred from Goulburn the day after the fight and Im not sure what really happened to him after that.
Now tell me that's not the best timed biffo you've heard of…ha ha.
Back soon guys.