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Zen and the Art of Bank Robbing

And yes, let’s get this part out of the way. In addition to intellectual, emotional, and spiritual
intelligence, my staff is comprised of really nice looking people. ‘Really nice’ may be an understatement.
You’ve seen guys and girls on magazines that have been airbrushed into perfection? My staff outshines
them, even without makeup! Their beauty transcends physical attributes. There are people that just
shine, and the CTC staff has auras that are palpable. Seeing these people could cause you to believe in
angels or aliens or both. I’m not saying less attractive people can’t work for me, they just can’t work on
the front line of CTC. And there is a reason behind my madness. It’s been scientifically demonstrated
that people tend to trust tall, attractive people over shorter, lesser attractive people. I know, you’re
thinking, how shallow is that?! This is not a moral indictment of society. It what it is. Think of it this way,
if you will permit another Oz metaphor: if you had to bet your life on Glenda or West, with the only
criteria being appearance, which one would you go with? Exactly. Bottom line is this; I will use whatever
edge helps me get a psychological foothold into a person’s mind in order to liberate them from what ails
them. Animals work great with kids who have been abused, for example, because they can tell Barkly
things they wouldn’t tell a therapist. But then, Barkly is just the best damn therapy dog in the world.
Kids, or grown ass adult, Barkly just knows how to wiggle right into your heart and lay his head on your
lap and look at you with those puppy dog eyes and the world just seems a little lighter.
Did I digress? Yeah, I do that. If you don’t like rabbits, put this book down or push delete. It’s not
for you. And speaking of rabbits, we use lots of movie metaphors and assign movies as homework
because they are more assessable to the general public than books. Book homework is good, don’t get
me wrong, but there is a reason why the average movie is an hour and a half. Yes, yes, you can do a
three hour movie, but not every time you go and generally not two or three on the same day. Books
require much more energy and if you’re in a crisis, or having trouble focusing, compliance decreases as
demand for brain power increases, even when you know there is helpful information somewhere in the
bank of words amassed in a book. But here’s the other part. Most people can’t stand technical manuals.
People need stories, parables, metaphors, and allusions. And the more stories you know, the greater the
likelihood of an epiphany because you will have access to more metaphors. Metaphors are sparklies.
Beautiful people are sparklies. Bright sparklies get noticed and picked up. We chase lights. That’s what
we do.
Which brings me to this point. Some of you may be relieved to hear that I’ve cut out much of the
verbosity and bull shit that one might find in book of this nature. (Believe me. This is much shorter. But if
you persist, I would be happy to debate and haggle over the definition of BRIEF therapy.) This book does
have a nature. You may actually think you know what it is, but I assure you, it isn’t what you think it is,
and unlike that motorcycle maintenance thing, which in no way prepared me to repair much less
maintain a damn bike, I will be telling you how to rob a bank. Now, I highly recommend you not just
jump to that section and read how to rob a bank, because if you go and get yourself caught and come
back and try to sue me for giving bad advice, well, I am going to say you must not have read the whole
book, because not only have the names been changed to protect the innocent and avoid law suits
amongst friends and clients, but it is possible that bank robbing is a metaphor and not actually to be
interpreted literally. Granted, you could interpret some things literally and follow them to their natural
conclusion, which has the potential of resulting in the redistribution of a certain large sum of money or
the incarceration of a number of individuals, and or injuries. Basically, this is a hypothetical situation,
based on theoretical perspectives, not actual practice. Mostly because the actual practice would by its
very act result in a change in the system in which it was created to prevent said practice from occurring
at regular intervals. Theoretically, even the discussion of a hypothetical scenario should result in a
change of system which would then invalidate the same hypothesis, but given the recent news report
about the inflexibility of TSA even in the face of persistent failures to adapt to the very real fact that
things still get by them… You get my point. If you don’t. Go about your business. The world is safe
enough for you.
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