or a personal dinosaur farm
I don't have my meals in a tablet
or a bionic arm
It's not that we need these things
they are not necessary
but we were promised them all
by those people on the telly
Still they have not materialised
within the world at large
but I suppose if we all had jetpacs
there'd be an airborn congestion charge
10 THINGS YOU WOULDN'T WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
A dead robin in a sock, a relaxation CD
that appears to be voiced by Ian Paisley
A pair of trainers pickled in bree
A vague sense of inadequacy
A perambulating hamster nailed to the knee
of a disgruntled member of a select committee
A piano where every single key
has been replaced by a rotting flea
A rotating vicar nailed to a tree
A swarm of traffic wardens exploding with glee
The bill for Elton John's latest spending spree
Some feces in a hammock I think you will agree
You wouldn't want these presents and neither would me
THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO RELIGION
Old and wrong ideas, superstitious fears
killing in the name all gods are the same
none of them exist just ghosts in the mist
that fall across a mind and say that death is kind
'they're in a better place'? Come say that to my face
Empirically you're wrong, another empty song
it's gone on for too long no faith can be that strong
god's boot stamps on your face yet still there is no trace
of doubt within your heart that you still stand apart
from those who don't believe and those who don't receive
god's guidance and love and all those myths from up above
Just wake up and see, it's wrong logically
you are just like me, a random entity
the universe has no soul and neither do we
we're just byproducts of chemistry
Impersonal laws, no purpose here
but this is not a cause for fear
we're all free to decide
our own will so choose with pride
choosing gives you life you see
don't abdicate responsibility
there's no need to subjugate
