Not a member?     Existing members login below:
Celebrate AudioBook Month! AudioBooks FREE All Month long: see details here.

The Old Bachelor

SHARP. Sure that's he, and alone.
SIR JO. Um--Ay, this, this is the very damned place; the inhuman cannibals, the bloody-
minded villains, would have butchered me last night. No doubt they would have flayed
me alive, have sold my skin, and devoured, etc.
SHARP. How's this!
SIR JO. An it hadn't been for a civil gentleman as came by and frighted 'em away--but,
agad, I durst not stay to give him thanks.
SHARP. This must be Bellmour he means. Ha! I have a thought -
SIR JO. Zooks, would the captain would come; the very remembrance makes me quake;
agad, I shall never be reconciled to this place heartily.
SHARP. 'Tis but trying, and being where I am at worst, now luck!-- cursed fortune! this
must be the place, this damned unlucky place -
SIR JO. Agad, and so 'tis. Why, here has been more mischief done, I perceive.
SHARP. No, 'tis gone, 'tis lost--ten thousand devils on that chance which drew me hither;
ay, here, just here, this spot to me is hell; nothing to be found, but the despair of what I've
lost. [Looking about as in search.]
SIR JO. Poor gentleman! By the Lord Harry I'll stay no longer, for I have found too -
SHARP. Ha! who's that has found? What have you found? Restore it quickly, or by -
SIR JO. Not I, sir, not I; as I've a soul to be saved, I have found nothing but what has
been to my loss, as I may say, and as you were saying, sir.
SHARP. Oh, your servant, sir; you are safe, then, it seems. 'Tis an ill wind that blows
nobody good. Well, you may rejoice over my ill fortune, since it paid the price of your
SIR JO. I rejoice! agad, not I, sir: I'm very sorry for your loss, with all my heart, blood
and guts, sir; and if you did but know me, you'd ne'er say I were so ill-natured.