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The Dumbbell's Dictionary

Instinct, n. A mother’s instinct (provided only that the instinct exists) to protect her
children is stronger than a man’s instinct to watch television. Actually, inasmuch as
instinct is an organism’s hard-wired behavior not under conscious control, it seems to be
fatuous to speak of man as having an instinct for self-preservation. Admittedly, most men
will act to preserve their life, but that is a conscious choice, not instinctual behavior.
Integrity, n. Knowing the right and standing by it.
Intellectual, of the liberal sort, n. Dreamer who thinks it appropriate for him to expound
on every conceivable subject except that on which he is supposedly an expert.
Intelligence, n. Curiosity, learning, understanding, retaining.
Intelligent Design, n. Concept worth pursuing, as there seems to be too much information
in the universe for all of it to have happened at random. Further, if we are only evolved
from the primeval sludge, what in the world does it matter if we shoot somebody’s brains
out on a Saturday morning? Evolution be damned! Are not our minds and souls more
than important than that?
Intrepidity, n. Shown in glorious abundance by our Navy Seal team that took out Osama
bin Laden. Sorely lacking in our vaunted State Department under the aegis of Hillary
Inverse, n. Writing of a backward poet.
Irishman, well balanced, n. Gentleman who has a chip on each shoulder.
Irresistible Force, n. So, what happens when it meets an immovable object? Some years
ago, I read in a Sunday Supplement magazine that the question had been posed to a
woman of a supposed IQ of 230, and reputed to be the smartest person on record. I think
not. In fact, I believe to this day that she had misread too much science fiction. (That
said, I readily admit to having been a science-fiction/fantasy fan for well over half a
At any rate, when I read her answer, I was stunned, for that answer was that the two
entities would blow themselves into a different dimension. Nonsense. The simple, and
correct answer, would have been and still is, that the two concepts cannot co-exist within
the same frame of reference.
She would have been well-advised to consult the writings of Stephen Hawking, perhaps
the greatest cosmologist who ever lived. Alternatively, she could have accessed the
writings of such as Freeman Dyson or Richard Fenyman, perhaps the two greatest
particle physicists of our time. From the infinitely large to the infinitely small, her answer
smacks of nonsense.
Islam, n. Fascist so-called philosophy masquerading as a religion. If you want your
woman to walk two spaces behind you, and never be able to drive a car, or get an
education, or walk outside her front door without a male relative accompanying her,
you’ve come to the right place. Should we all place our prayer mats to the east and bow
down five times per day toward Mecca and Medina? I think not.