The Dumbbell's Dictionary
Freeways, n. I wonder how much longer we will, with any justification, be able to think
of certain sections of our super highway system as actually free. Not much longer, I’m
afraid, with the Obama administration considering a tax on miles we drive.
Betty Friedan, n. She complains in „The Feminine Mystique’ that it would be difficult for
a woman mopping the kitchen floor to have an orgasm while mopping. My rejoinder is
that it would be at least comparably difficult for a man laying bricks to have an orgasm
and lay bricks simultaneously.
Frilly Dilly, n. Gentleman who was circumcised with a pair of pinking shears.
Robert Frost, n. One of my favorite poets. Thus, „For I have promises to keep, and miles
to go before I sleep.’
Frying Pan, n. Can’t find mine. Perhaps it’s gone for a wok.
Fuchsia, n. Still, after these many years, one of my un-favorite words. Cost me the
championship of the class spelldown in my eighth grade.
Furlong, n. Unit of distance somewhat shorter than a fivelong.
Fwustwating, v. What Elmer Fudd can be expected to say when things are not going his
Gadarine Swine, n. Seems to me that these poor animals were treated somewhat unfairly.
Galaxies Like Grains of Sand., Collection of short stories by British science fiction
novelist Brian Aldiss, that I read in the 1960’s. If you pause to think about his title for a
moment, wouldn’t you be overwhelmed? I mean, throughout the known universe of
approximately twelve billion light years on a side, which translates roughly into a sphere
of twenty-four billion light years, the inescapable conclusion is that the universe is a
pretty big place.
John Galsworthy, n. English novelist and playwright (1887-1933), best known for his
„Forsyte Saga’ series. Not so well known, perhaps, as an inveterate dog lover. Thus, from
his „Memories’ of 1924:’ „For it is by muteness that a dog becomes for one so utterly
beyond value; with him, one is at peace where words play no torturing tricks. When he
just sits loving and knows that he is being loved, those are the moments that I think are
precious to a dog: when, with his adoring soul coming through his eyes, he feels that you
are really thinking of him.’ Probably the most beautiful commentary I have ever read of
the dog, bless Galsworthy’s heart.
John Galt, n. Where is he when we need him?
Gamboling, v. Activity you find most visitors to Las Vegas casinos engaged in.
Mahatma Gandhi, n. (Mohandas Karamchid Gandhi). Indian peaceful revolutionary
against the continuing rule of the British Raj in India. Along with Nehru, pretty much the
founder of the modern state of India. When asked what he thought of Western
Civilization, he replied that it was an interesting idea that should be tried sometime.