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The Dumbbell's Dictionary

Duck-billed platypus, n. Avatar for Jimmy Carter. How in the world could nature have
invented such an animal, especially with such protuberant teeth?
Dumbbell, n. All too many of us.
Duns Scotus, n. John Duns Scotus, „The Scott.’ A.D. 1265-1308. One of the most
important and influential philosopher-theologians of the high middle ages. Nicknamed,
„the Subtle Doctor.’ My remembrance of him is titillated by the meeting he had, late in
his life, with the Holy Roman Emperor, I believe Louis the something or other. They
were, at this meeting, sitting across a table from each other. If I recall correctly, their
conversation had these morsels within it. Thus, the Emperor, not believing in the
erudition or positions taken by Scotus, asked him just what separated him from an idiot.
Scotus’s reply was immoratal: „Only this table, sire.’
Walter Duranty, n. Reporter for the New York Times, stationed in Moscow in the early
’30s. Gave absolutely false reports over and over again regarding Stalin’s Soviet Union.
The Grey Lady, of course published them as though they were gospel.
Duty, Honor, and Country, n. What Douglas MacArthur gave us in this respect cannot be
improved on.
Andrea Dworkin, n. One of the most radical of the radical feminists. She maintains that
every act of sexual intercourse is actually an act of rape. She finds her equal in Ti-Grace
Atkinson, who tells us that every man should be raped so that he can feel what it’s like to
be penetrated.
Dystopia, n. The end result of every misguided attempt (They have forever been
misguided, and always will be.) to establish a utopia. See Aldous Huxley’s „Brave New
World,’ and Ayn Rand’s „Anthem.’
E Pluribus Unum, n. Al Gore got exactly backwards. Did the major media jump on it?
Oh, no. They saved their scrutiny of the misuse of the language strictly for George W.
Bush, such as his major misstep re vulcanization versus balkanization-.
Earth, n. The privileged planet. Consider: If our sun and its planets were not located on a
spiral arm of our galaxy but, further toward the center, we would have been blinded by
the effulgence of the galactic center, and astronomy could never have developed. Also, a
few degrees warmer or colder would have made our planet on the order of Venus or
Mars. That would have meant either too hot for life to have developed, or too cold.
Earth Day, n. Evidently, according to recent reports, more important to Obama and
company than is Easter Sunday. But then, why in the world would a closet Muslim hold
any value for Easter?
Earthworm, species Annelida, n. Even one of these, when repeatedly receiving an electric
shock after each making of a wrong turn in a tunnel, will eventually choose the right
course. Would that modern American liberals had as much sense.