SCENE I.
A tavern near Newgate.
Jemmy Twitcher, Crook-finger'd Jack, Wat Dreary, Robin of Bagshot, Nimming Ned, Henry Paddington, Matt of the Mint, Ben Budge, and the rest of the Gang, at the Table, with Wine, Brandy and Tobacco.
BEN. But pr'ythee, Matt, what is become of thy Brother Tom? I have not seen him since my Return from Transportation.
MATT. Poor Brother Tom had an Accident this time Twelve-month, and so clever a made fellow he was, that I could not save him from those fleaing Rascals the Surgeons; and now, poor Man, he is among the Otamys at Surgeons Hall.
BEN. So it seems, his Time was come.
JEMMY. But the present Time is ours, and no body alive hath more. Why are the Laws levell'd at us? are we more dishonest than the rest of Mankind? What we win, Gentlemen, is our own by the Law of Arms, and the Right of Conquest.
CROOK. Where shall we find such another Set of Practical Philosophers, who to a Man are above the Fear of Death?
WAT. Sound Men, and true!
ROBIN. Of try'd Courage, and indefatigable Industry!
NED. Who is there here that would not die for his Friend?
HARRY. Who is there here that would betray him for his Interest?
MATT. Shew me a Gang of Courtiers that can say as much.
BEN. We are for a just Partition of the World, for every Man hath a Right to enjoy Life.
MATT. We retrench the Superfluities of Mankind. The World is avaritious, and I hate Avarice. A covetous fellow, like a Jackdaw, steals what he was never made to enjoy, for the sake of hiding it.
These are the Robbers of Mankind, for Money was made for the Free-hearted and Generous, and where is the Injury of taking from another, what he hath not the Heart to make use of?
JEMMY. Our several Stations for the Day are fixt. Good luck attend us all. Fill the Glasses.
AIR XIX. Fill every Glass, &c.
MATT. Fill every Glass, for Wine inspires us, And fires us
With Courage, Love and Joy.
Women and Wine should life employ.
Is there ought else on Earth desirous?
CHORUS. Fill every Glass, &c.
[To them enter Macheath.]
MACHEATH. Gentlemen, well met. My Heart hath been with you this Hour; but an unexpected Affair hath detain'd me. No Ceremony, I beg you.
MATT. We were just breaking up to go upon Duty. Am I to have the Honour of taking the Air with you, Sir, this Evening upon the Heath? I drink a Dram now and then with the Stagecoachmen in the way of Friendship and Intelligence; and I know that about this Time there will be Passengers upon the Western Road, who are worth speaking with.
MACHEATH. I was to have been of that Party--but -
MATT. But what, Sir?
MACHEATH. Is there any Man who suspects my Courage?
MATT. We have all been Witnesses of it.
MACHEATH. My Honour and Truth to the Gang?
MATT. I'll be answerable for it.
MACHEATH. In the Division of our Booty, have I ever shewn the least Marks of Avarice or Injustice?
MATT. By these Questions something seems to have ruffled you. Are any of us suspected?
MACHEATH. I have a fixed Confidence, Gentlemen, in you all, as Men of Honour, and as such I value and respect you. Peachum is a Man that is useful to us.
MATT. Is he about to play us any foul Play? I'll shoot him through the Head.
MACHEATH. I beg you, Gentlemen, act with Conduct and Discretion. A Pistol is your last Resort.
MATT. He knows nothing of this Meeting.
MACHEATH. Business cannot go on without him. He is a Man who knows the World, and is a necessary Agent to us. We have had a slight Difference, and 'till it is accommodated I shall be oblig'd to keep out of his way. Any private Dispute of mine shall be of no ill consequence to my Friends. You must continue to act under his Direction, for the moment we break loose from him, our Gang is ruin'd.
MATT. As a Bawd to a Whore, I grant you, he is to us of great Convenience.
MACHEATH. Make him believe I have quitted the Gang, which I can never do but with Life. At our private Quarters I will continue to meet you. A Week or so will probably reconcile us.
MATT. Your Instructions shall be observ'd. 'Tis now high time for us to repair to our several Duties; so 'till the Evening at our Quarters in Moor-Fields we bid you farewel.
MACHEATH. I shall wish myself with you. Success attend you.
[Sits down melancholy at the Table.]
AIR XX. March in Rinaldo, with Drums and Trumpets.
MATT. Let us take the Road.
Hark! I hear the Sound of Coaches!
The Hour of Attack approaches,
To your Arms, brave Boys, and load.
See the Ball I hold!
Let the Chymists toil like Asses,
Our Fire their Fire surpasses,
And turns all our Lead to Gold.
[The Gang, rang'd in the Front of the Stage, load their Pistols, and stick them under their Girdles; then go off singing the first Part in Chorus.]
MACHEATH. What a Fool is a fond Wench! Polly is most confoundedly bit.--I love the Sex. And a Man who loves Money, might as well be contented with one Guinea, as I with one Woman. The Town perhaps have been as much obliged to me, for recruiting it with free-hearted Ladies, as to any Recruiting Officer in the Army. If it were not for us, and the other Gentlemen of the Sword, Drury-Lane would be uninhabited.
AIR XXI. Would you have a young Virgin, &c.
If the Heart of a Man is deprest with Cares,
The Mist is dispell'd when a Woman appears;
Like the Notes of a Fiddle, she sweetly, sweetly
Raises the Spirits, and charms our Ears,
Roses and Lilies her Cheeks disclose,
But her ripe Lips are more sweet than those.
Press her,
Caress her,
With Blisses,
Her Kisses
Dissolve us in Pleasure, and soft Repose.
I must have Women. There is nothing unbends the Mind like them. Money is not so strong a Cordial for the Time. Drawer--[Enter Drawer.] Is the Porter gone for all the Ladies according to my Directions?
DRAWER. I expect him back every Minute. But you know, Sir, you sent him as far as Hockley in the Hole for three of the Ladies, for one in Vinegar-Yard, and for the rest of them somewhere about Lewkner's-Lane. Sure some of them are below, for I hear the Bar-Bell. As they come I will shew them up. Coming, Coming.
[Enter Mrs. Coaxer, Dolly Trull, Mrs. Vixen, Betty Doxy, Jenny Diver, Mrs. Slammekin, Suky Tawdry, and Molly Brazen.]
MACHEATH. Dear Mrs. Coaxer, you are welcome. You look charmingly to-day. I hope you don't want the Repairs of Quality, and lay on Paint.--Dolly Trull! kiss me, you Slut; are you as amorous as ever, Hussy? You are always so taken up with stealing Hearts, that you don't allow yourself Time to steal any thing else.--Ah Dolly, thou wilt ever be a Coquette! Mrs. Vixen, I'm yours, I always lov'd a Woman of Wit and Spirit; they make charming Mistresses, but plaguy Wives--Betty Doxy! Come hither, Hussy. Do you drink as hard as ever? You had better stick to good wholesom Beer; for in troth, Betty, Strong-Waters will in time ruin your Constitution. You should leave those to your Betters.--What! and my pretty Jenny Diver too! As prim and demure as ever! There is not any Prude, though ever so high bred, hath a more sanctify'd Look, with a more mischievous Heart. Ah! thou art a dear artful Hypocrite.--Mrs. Slammekin! as careless and genteel as ever! all you fine Ladies, who know your own Beauty, affect an Undress.--But see, here's Suky Tawdry come to contradict what I was saying. Every thing she gets one way she lays out upon her Back. Why, Suky, you must keep at least a Dozen Tallymen. Molly Brazen! [She kisses him.] That's well done. I love a free-hearted Wench. Thou hast a most agreeable Assurance, Girl, and art as willing as a Turtle.--But hark! I hear Music. The Harper is at the Door. If Music be the Food of Love, play on. Ere you seat yourselves, Ladies, what think you of a Dance? Come in.
[Enter Harper.] Play the French Tune, that Mrs. Slammekin was so fond of.
[A Dance a la ronde in the French manner; near the end of it this song and Chorus.]
AIR XXII. Cotillon.
Youth's the Season made for Joys,
Love is then our Duty,
She alone who that employs,
Well deserves her Beauty.
Let's be gay,
While we may,
Beauty's a Flower, despis'd in Decay.
Youth's the Season, &c.
Let us drink and sport to-day,
Ours is not to-morrow.
Love with Youth flies swift away,
Age is nought but Sorrow.
Dance and sing,
Time's on the Wing.
Life never knows the Return of Spring.
CHORUS. Let us drink, &c.
MACHEATH. Now, pray Ladies, take your Places. Here Fellow. [Pays the Harper.] Bid the Drawer bring us more Wine. [Exit Harper.] If any of the Ladies choose Ginn, I hope they will be so free to call for it.
JENNY. You look as if you meant me. Wine is strong enough for me. Indeed, Sir, I never drink Strong-Waters, but when I have the Cholic.
MACHEATH. Just the Excuse of the fine Ladies! Why, a Lady of Quality is never without the Cholic. I hope, Mrs. Coaxer, you have had good Success of late in your Visits among the Mercers.
MRS. COAXER. We have so many Interlopers--Yet with Industry, one may still have a little Picking. I carried a silver-flowered Lutestring, and a Piece of black Padesoy to Mr. Peachum's Lock but last Week.
MRS. VIXEN. There's Molly Brazen hath the Ogle of a Rattle-Snake. She rivetted a Linen-Draper's Eye so fast upon her, that he was nick'd of three Pieces of Cambric before he could look off.
BRAZEN. Oh dear Madam!--But sure nothing can come up to your handling of Laces! And then you have such a sweet deluding Tongue! To cheat a Man is nothing; but the Woman must have fine Parts indeed who cheats a Woman.
MRS. VIXEN. Lace, Madam, lies in a small Compass, and is of easy Conveyance. But you are apt, Madam, to think too well of your Friends.
MRS. COAXER. If any woman hath more Art than another, to be sure, 'tis Jenny Diver. Though her Fellow be never so agreeable, she can pick his Pocket as coolly, as if money were her only Pleasure. Now that is a Command of the Passions uncommon in a Woman!
JENNY. I never go to the Tavern with a Man, but in the View of Business. I have other Hours, and other sort of Men for my Pleasure. But had I your Address, Madam
MACHEATH. Have done with your Compliments, Ladies; and drink about: You are not so fond of me, Jenny, as you use to be.
JENNY. 'Tis not convenient, Sir, to shew my Fondness among so many Rivals. 'Tis your own Choice, and not the Warmth of my Inclination that will determine you.
AIR XXIII. All in a misty Morning, &c.
Before the Barn-Door crowing,
The Cock by Hens attended,
His Eyes around him throwing,
Stands for a while suspended.
Then One he singles from the Crew,
And cheers the happy Hen;
With how do you do, and how do you do,
And how do you do again.
MACHEATH. Ah Jenny! thou art a dear Slut.
JENNY. A Man of Courage should never put any thing to the Risk but his Life. These are the Tools of a Man of Honour. Cards and Dice are only fit for cowardly Cheats, who prey upon their Friends.
[She takes up his Pistol. Tawdry takes up the other.]
TAWDRY. This, Sir, is fitter for your Hand. Besides your Loss of
Money, 'tis a Loss to the Ladies. Gaming takes you off from Women.
How fond could I be of you! but before Company 'tis ill bred.
MACHEATH. Wanton Hussies!
JENNY. I must and will have a Kiss to give my Wine a Zest.
[They take him about the Neck and make signs to Peachum and Constables, who rush in upon him.]
PEACHUM. I seize you, Sir, as my Prisoner.
MACHEATH. Was this well done, Jenny?--Women are Decoy Ducks; who can trust them! Beasts, Jades, Jilts, Harpies, Furies, Whores!
PEACHUM. Your Case, Mr. Macheath, is not particular. The greatest Heroes have been ruin'd by Women. But, to do them Justice, I must own they are a pretty sort of Creatures, if we could trust them. You must now, Sir, take your Leave of the Ladies, and if they have a mind to make you a Visit, they will be sure to find you at home. This Gentleman, Ladies, lodges in Newgate. Constables, wait upon the Captain to his Lodgings.
AIR XXIV. When first I laid Siege to my Chloris, &c.
MACHEATH. At the Tree I shall suffer with Pleasure,
At the Tree I shall suffer with Pleasure,
Let me go where I will,
In all kinds of Ill,
I shall find no such Furies as these are.
PEACHUM. Ladies, I'll take care the Reckoning shall be discharged.
[Exit Macheath, guarded with Peachum and Constables.]
MRS. VIXEN. Look ye, Mrs. Jenny, though Mr. Peachum may have made a private Bargain with you and Suky Tawdry for betraying the Captain, as we were all assisting, we ought all to share alike.
MRS. COAXER. I think Mr. Peachum, after so long an Acquaintance, might have trusted me as well as Jenny Diver.
MRS. SLAMMEKIN. I am sure at least three Men of his hanging, and in a Year's time too (if he did me Justice) should be set down to my Account.
TRULL. Mrs. Slammekin, that is not fair. For you know one of them was taken in Bed with me.
JENNY. As far as a Bowl of Punch or a Treat, I believe Mrs. Suky will join with me.--As for any thing else, Ladies, you cannot in Conscience expect it.
MRS. SLAMMEKIN. Dear Madam -
TRULL. I would not for the World -
MRS. SLAMMEKIN. 'Tis impossible for me -
TRULL. As I hope to be sav'd, Madam -
MRS. SLAMMEKIN. Nay, then I must stay here all Night -
TRULL. Since you command me.
[Exeunt with great Ceremony.]
SCENE II. Newgate.
Lockit, Turnkeys, Macheath, Constables.
LOCKIT. Noble Captain, you are welcome. You have not been a Lodger of mine this Year and half. You know the Custom, Sir. Garnish, Captain, Garnish. Hand me down those Fetters there.
MACHEATH. Those, Mr. Lockit, seem to be the heaviest of the whole Set. With your Leave, I should like the further Pair better.
LOCKIT. Look ye, Captain, we know what is fittest for our Prisoners. When a Gentleman uses me with Civility, I always do the best I can to please him.--Hand them down I say.--We have them of all Prices, from one Guinea to ten, and 'tis fitting every Gentleman should please himself.
MACHEATH. I understand you, Sir. [Gives Money.] The Fees here are so many, and so exorbitant, that few Fortunes can bear the Expence of getting off handsomly, or of dying like a Gentleman.
LOCKIT. Those, I see, will fit the Captain better--Take down the further Pair. Do but examine them, Sir.--Never was better work. How genteely they are made!--They will fit as easy as a Glove, and the nicest Man in England might not be asham'd to wear them. [He puts on the Chains.] If I had the best Gentleman in the Land in my Custody I could not equip him more handsomly. And so, Sir--I now leave you to your private Meditations.
[Exeunt leaving Macheath solus.]
MACHEATH.
AIR XXV. Courtiers, Courtiers, think it no Harm, &c.
Man may escape from Rope and Gun;
Nay, some have out liv'd the Doctor's Pill;
Who takes a Woman must be undone,
That Basilisk is sure to kill.
The Fly that sips Treacle is lost in the Sweets,
So he that tastes Woman, Woman, Woman,
He that tastes Woman, ruin meets.
To what a woful Plight have I brought myself! Here must I (all Day long, 'till I am hang'd) be confin'd to hear the Reproaches of a Wench who lays her Ruin at my Door--I am in the Custody of her Father, and to be sure, if he knows of the matter, I shall have a fine time on't betwixt this and my Execution.--But I promis'd the Wench Marriage--What signifies a Promise to a Woman? Does not Man in Marriage itself promise a hundred things that he never means to perform? Do all we can, Women will believe us; for they look upon a Promise as an Excuse for following their own Inclinations.--But here comes Lucy, and I cannot get from her.--Wou'd I were deaf!
[Enter Lucy.]
LUCY. You base Man you,--how can you look me in the Face after what hath passed between us?--See here, perfidious Wretch, how I am forc'd to bear about the Load of Infamy you have laid upon me--O Macheath! thou hast robb'd me of my Quiet--to see thee tortur'd would give me Pleasure.
AIR XXVI. A lovely Lass to a Friar came, &c.
Thus when a good Housewife sees a Rat
In her Trap in the Morning taken,
With Pleasure her Heart goes pit-a-pat,
In Revenge for her Loss of Bacon.
Then she throws him
To the Dog or Cat,
To be worried, crush'd and shaken.
MACHEATH. Have you no Bowels, no Tenderness, my dear Lucy, to see a Husband in these Circumstances?
LUCY. A Husband!
MACHEATH. In ev'ry Respect but the Form, and that, my Dear, may be said over us at any time.--Friends should not insist upon Ceremonies. From a Man of Honour, his Word is as good as his Bond.
LUCY. 'Tis the Pleasure of all you fine Men to insult the Women you have ruin'd.
AIR XXVII. 'Twas when the Sea was roaring, &c.
How cruel are the Traitors,
Who lye and swear in jest,
To cheat unguarded Creatures
Of Virtue, Fame, and Rest!
Whoever steals a Shilling,
Through Shame the Guilt conceals:
In Love the perjur'd Villain
With Boasts the Theft reveals.
MACHEATH. The very first Opportunity, my Dear, (have but Patience) you shall be my Wife in whatever manner you please.
LUCY. Insinuating Monster! And so you think I know nothing of the Affair of Miss Polly Peachum.--I could tear thy Eyes out!
MACHEATH. Sure, Lucy, you can't be such a Fool as to be jealous of Polly!
LUCY. Are you not married to her, you Brute, you.
MACHEATH. Married! Very good. The Wench gives it out only to vex thee, and to ruin me in thy good opinion. 'Tis true, I go to the House; I chat with the Girl, I kiss her, I say a thousand things to her (as all Gentlemen do) that mean nothing, to divert myself; and now the silly Jade hath set it about that I am married to her, to let me know what she would be at. Indeed, my dear Lucy, these violent Passions may be of ill consequence to a Woman in your Condition.
LUCY. Come, come, Captain, for all your Assurance, you know that Miss Polly hath put it out of your Power to do me the Justice you promis'd me.
MACHEATH. A jealous Woman believes every thing her Passion suggests. To convince you of my Sincerity, if we can find the Ordinary, I shall have no Scruples of making you my Wife; and I know the Consequence of having two at a time.
LUCY. That you are only to be hang'd, and so get rid of them both.
MACHEATH. I am ready, my dear Lucy, to give you Satisfaction--if you think there is any in Marriage.--What can a Man of Honour say more?
LUCY. So then, it seems, you are not married to Miss Polly.
MACHEATH. You know, Lucy, the Girl is prodigiously conceited. No Man can say a civil thing to her, but (like other fine Ladies) her Vanity makes her think he's her own for ever and ever.
AIR XXVIII. The Sun had loos'd his weary Teams, &c.
The first time at the Looking-glass
The Mother sets her Daughter,
The Image strikes the smiling Lass
With Self-love ever after,
Each time she looks, she, fonder grown,
Thinks ev'ry Charm grows stronger.
But alas, vain Maid, all Eyes but your own
Can see you are not younger.
When Women consider their own Beauties, they are all alike unreasonable in their Demands; for they expect their Lovers should like them as long as they like themselves.
LUCY. Yonder is my Father--perhaps this way we may light upon the Ordinary, who shall try if you will be as good as your Word.--For I long to be made an honest Woman.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter Peachum and Lockit with an Account-Book.]
LOCKIT. In this last Affair, Brother Peachum, we are agreed. You have consented to go halves in Macheath.
PEACHUM. We shall never fall out about an Execution--But as to that Article, pray how stands our last Year's Account?
LOCKIT. If you will run your Eye over it, you'll find 'tis fair and clearly stated.
PEACHUM. This long Arrear of the Government is very hard upon us! Can it be expected that we would hang our Acquaintance for nothing, when our Betters will hardly save theirs without being paid for it. Unless the People in Employment pay better, I promise them for the future, I shall let other Rogues live besides their own.
LOCKIT. Perhaps, Brother, they are afraid these Matters may be carried too far. We are treated too by them with Contempt, as if our Profession were not reputable.
PEACHUM. In one respect indeed our Employment may be reckon'd dishonest, because, like Great Statesmen, we encourage those who betray their Friends.
LOCKIT. Such Language, Brother, any where else, might turn to your Prejudice. Learn to be more guarded, I beg you.
AIR XXIX. How happy are we, &c.
When you censure the Age,
Be cautious and sage,
Lest the Courtiers offended should be:
If you mention Vice or Bribe,
'Tis so pat to all the Tribe;
Each cries--That was levell'd at me.
PEACHUM. Here's poor Ned Clincher's Name, I see. Sure, Brother Lockit, there was a little unfair Proceeding in Ned's Case: for he told me in the Condemn'd Hold, that for Value receiv'd, you had promis'd him a Session or two longer without Molestation.
LOCKIT. Mr. Peachum--this is the first time my Honour was ever call'd in Question.
PEACHUM. Business is at an end--if once we act dishonourably.
LOCKIT. Who accuses me?
PEACHUM. You are warm, Brother.
LOCKIT. He that attacks my Honour, attacks my Livelihood.--And this Usage--Sir--is not to be borne.
PEACHUM. Since you provoke me to speak--I must tell you too, that Mrs. Coaxer charges you with defrauding her of her Information-Money, for the apprehending of curl-pated Hugh. Indeed, indeed, Brother, we must punctually pay our Spies, or we shall have no Information.
LOCKIT. Is this Language to me, Sirrah,--who have sav'd you from the Gallows, Sirrah!
[Collaring each other.]
PEACHUM. If I am hang'd, it shall be for ridding the World of an arrant Rascal.
LOCKIT. This Hand shall do the Office of the Halter you deserve, and throttle you--you Dog! -
PEACHUM. Brother, Brother--We are both in the Wrong--We shall be both Losers in the Dispute--for you know we have it in our Power to hang each other. You should not be so passionate.
LOCKIT. Nor you so provoking.
PEACHUM. 'Tis our mutual Interest; 'tis for the Interest of the World we should agree. If I said any thing, Brother, to the Prejudice of your Character, I ask pardon.
LOCKIT. Brother Peachum--I can forgive as well as resent.--Give me your Hand. Suspicion does not become a Friend.
PEACHUM. I only meant to give you Occasion to justify yourself: But I must now step home, for I expect the Gentleman about this Snuff-box, that Filch nimm'd two Nights ago in the Park. I appointed him at this Hour.
[Exit Peachum.]
[Enter Lucy.]
LOCKIT. Whence come you, Hussy?
LUCY. My Tears might answer that Question.
LOCKIT. You have then been whimpering and fondling, like a Spaniel, over the Fellow that hath abus'd you.
LUCY. One can't help Love; one can't cure it. 'Tis not in my Power to obey you, and hate him.
LOCKIT. Learn to bear your Husband's Death like a reasonable Woman.
'Tis not the fashion, now-a-days, so much as to affect Sorrow upon these Occasions. No Woman would ever marry, if she had not the Chance of Mortality for a Release. Act like a Woman of Spirit, Hussy, and thank your Father for what he is doing.
AIR XXX. Of a noble Race was Shenkin.
LUCY. Is then his Fate decreed, Sir?
Such a Man can I think of quitting?
When first we met, so moves me yet,
O see how my Heart is splitting!
LOCKIT. Look ye, Lucy--There is no saving him.--So, I think, you must ev'n do like other Widows--buy yourself Weeds, and be chearful.
You'll think ere many Days ensue
This Sentence not severe;
I hang your Husband, Child, 'tis true,
But with him hang your Care.
Twang dang dillo dee.
Like a good Wife, go moan over your dying Husband. That, Child is your Duty--Consider, Girl, you can't have the Man and the Money too-– so make yourself as easy as you can, by getting all you can from him.
[Exit Lockit.]
[Enter Macheath.]
LUCY. Though the Ordinary was out of the way to-day, I hope, my Dear, you will, upon the first Opportunity, quiet my Scruples--Oh Sir! my Father's hard heart is not to be soften'd, and I am in the utmost Despair.
MACHEATH. But if I could raise a small Sum--Would not twenty Guineas, think you, move him?--Of all the Arguments in the way of Business, the Perquisite is the most prevailing--Your Father's Perquisites for the Escape of Prisoners must amount to a considerable Sum in the Year. Money well tim'd, and properly apply'd, will do any thing.
AIR XXXII. London Ladies.
If you at an Office solicit your Due,
And would not have Matters neglected;
You must quicken the Clerk with the Perquisite too,
To do what his Duty directed.
Or would you the Frowns of a Lady prevent,
She too has this palpable Failing,
The Perquisite softens her into Consent;
That Reason with all is prevailing.
LUCY. What Love or Money can do shall be done: for all my Comfort depends upon your Safety.
[Enter Polly.]
POLLY. Where is my dear