By Israel Zangwill
One day it occurred to Leibel that he ought to get married. He went to Sugarman
the Shadchan forthwith.
"I have the very thing for you," said the great marriage broker.
"Is she pretty?" asked Leibel.
"Her father has a boot and shoe warehouse," replied Sugarman, enthusiastically.
"Then there ought to be a dowry with her," said Leibel, eagerly.
"Certainly a dowry! A fine man like you!"
"How much do you think it would be?"
"Of course it is not a large warehouse; but then you could get your boots at trade
price, and your wife's, perhaps, for the cost of the leather."
"When could I see her?"
"I will arrange for you to call next Sabbath afternoon."
"You won't charge me more than a sovereign?"
"Not a groschen more! Such a pious maiden! I'm sure you will be happy. She has
so much way-of-the-country [breeding]. And of course five per cent on the
dowry?"
"H'm! Well, I don't mind!" "Perhaps they won't give a dowry," he thought with a
consolatory sense of outwitting the Shadchan.
On the Saturday Leibel went to see the damsel, and on the Sunday he went to
see Sugarman the Shadchan.
"But your maiden squints!" he cried, resentfully.
"An excellent thing!" said Sugarman. "A wife who squints can never look her
husband straight in the face and overwhelm him. Who would quail before a
woman with a squint?"
"I could endure the squint," went on Leibel, dubiously, "but she also stammers."
"Well, what is better, in the event of a quarrel? The difficulty she has in talking will
keep her far more silent than most wives. You had best secure her while you
have the chance."
"But she halts on the left leg," cried Leibel, exasperated.
"Gott in Himmel! Do you mean to say you do not see what an advantage it is to
have a wife unable to accompany you in all your goings?"
Leibel lost patience.
"Why, the girl is a hunchback!" he protested, furiously.
"My dear Leibel," said the marriage broker, deprecatingly shrugging his
shoulders and spreading out his palms, "you can't expect perfection!"
Nevertheless Leibel persisted in his unreasonable attitude. He accused
Sugarman of wasting his time, of making a fool of him.
"A fool of you!" echoed the Shadchan, indignantly, "when I give you a chance of
a boot and shoe manufacturer's daughter? You will make a fool of yourself if you
refuse. I dare say her dowry would be enough to set you up as a master tailor. At
present you are compelled to slave away as a cutter for thirty shillings a week. It
