Stalking the Average Man
explain some things early on, not because it wasn‘t time for me to hear them, but because the
explanation was still too close; you hadn‘t beaten the crap out of me to make yourself feel safe in
the world I had survived, and you‘re trying to rejoin. Shit, | I said as another piece of the puzzle
found its place. -That‘s when you embraced miracles. |
-Which were? | Bonnie said, finding her voice.
-A little girl becoming old enough to remember despicable things meets a messenger from
God. He says the world will get worse before it gets better, but he'll be there for her. She believes
him in her retreat to a place without sensations, where fear is outdated, and she has faith in her
rescue because the ultimate Master is benevolent with servants who explore Universes with him.
As she gets older, she has to adjust the metaphor; the stars that surrounded her become a disco
ball that can explain everyone‘s actions, except it can't protect her. It can only warn her about
people so she starts speaking with guardian angels about safe places. |
-Safe places? |
-You know you're safe when God cares where you park. |
-Do you have more? | she said with a disconcerting calm.
-Just that all of the time you spent trying to convince me the world is coming to an end was
about you coming to terms with the secret that would put an end to your brutal conformation as a
child. In the meantime, being on a mission from God gave meaning to what happened to the
chosen one, who had suffered for salvation. Your journey is unique by virtue of what its totality
represents, because the rescue mission isn‘t just about you; you designed and executed it to find
yourself. | I took a deep breath. -It‘s an amazing thing you have done, and not just a little bit
scary that you used my life to identify the source of the fears you had to neuter, | I admitted.
-You are a truly amazing man, | she said sincerely. -I can't imagine how much effort you
spent gathering and arranging those pieces to suit your views. |
-Your defense is that you have a limited imagination? | I took another step down, shifted
my weight to my good hip, and waited to hear her interpretation of our interactions. I owed her
-I have nothing to defend. | Bonnie closed her eyes; speaking in a disinterested tone, she
said, -As usual, you have it backwards: I scratched your mirror of self- reflection by asking for
intimate details of your decision making process, and the stories you used to describe yourself.
You regularly hid from this knowledge, and punished me through threats like, =I still don‘t know
that coming here was the best thing to do‘, and by taking shots at my premises to repair the
damage you think I had done to you. Your retaliations had no effect, so the next time I injured
one of your beliefs you made up an excuse to leave. But truth is relentless; I didn't have to try to
stop you. You next made sure I understood the grave risk I was taking by ignoring me for days,
and when I didn't fall to my knees when you came back you quadrupled the threat by vanishing
after K ha- lib's first channel. You did all of this to maintain the illusion that you knew better than
a middle-aged divorcee, who had forced you to bend reasons, crush facts, and throw away
whatever didn‘t fit, to come up your magnificent concoction, and all to keep your own secret safe
from yourself. |
"I took a sabbatical when there was a lot to think about, | was all I could argue.
-Without an explanation to a friend you‘ve been seeing every day? |
-Without your parting words influencing what I'm trying to figure out. |
-That would fly if we both didn‘t know the mindset that creates a problem can't solve it,
and your mindset of running away is your historical focus. | She counted on her fingers before I
could protest. -You ran into the navy when your father died, you quit when they wouldn't