are common to individuals who are unable to cleanse circumstances that tarnish their secret self-
image. She first clued into this by aligning the arrogance of the Old Boys Club with the pettiness
of prejudiced ignorance she experienced for most of her life. Exemplified by the derision with
which they dismiss her new ideas, she will also realize pretentiousness is common to those who
secretly know what they are really like and drink to deal with it.
A different entity might approach these lessons from the point of view of a wealthy, white,
male doctor in a predominately black country. While in a detox centre, he would realize that the
ways of his world caused him to assume his status didn't require him to contribute to the quality
of life of those who weren't like him. Upon his release, he might fight the inequities of his social
system by setting up clinics.
“In these examples,” Bonnie said, “the woman's role is not necessarily more difficult than
the man's. It's the choice of environment that guarantees a lesson will be faced, but not how well
the individual will do.”
“Like I said, a crap shoot.”
“With loaded dice; ultimately you can't lose.”
“Uh huh—so how does poverty figure into personal development?”
“Learning to discern the difference between need and want is integral to discovering
ourselves. This means that at some stage we include a form of poverty in our lessons, but it
doesn't have to be torturous deprivation. You and I are broke, but we’re not suffering, and we
won't as long as we’re on a positive momentum.”
“To just getting by, day by day?”
“What else do you need?”
“We get old. Security would be nice.”
“If anyone has ever had reason to feel secure, it's you ... what was that look about, and
don’t tell me nothing just streamed behind your eyes?” she said, with disconcerting warmth.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, honestly.
“It must be that you understood you will be all right, but you can’t justify it, so you buried
it.” Laughing, she rhetorically said, “What I’d give to be present at that exhumation!”
We finished lunch, washed the dishes and the corkscrew, then we went for a walk along the
rocky beach where, on no apparent cue, Bonnie began recounting key phases in her life, as
opposed to specific events or times. In and of themselves, there was nothing extraordinary about
her experiences, maybe other than they spanned the gamut from potato soup poverty to caviar for
twelve and back to mock chicken sandwich lunches for three.
In a nutshell, her parents had led her through a wandering adolescence, but in spite of many
moves, Bonnie was a good student. When it came time to pony up, there was only enough money
for her brother's university education and so went her dream of a career in marine biology. She
subsequently survived a parade of small minds and petty tyrants at various jobs because she out-
performed her peers before she married and became a successful client entertainer for her
emotionally abusive husband. When their relationship ended, her adjustment back to the land of
single living included date rape and the financial and social discrimination society bestows upon
divorcees with children. These experiences included not qualifying for new car loan rates or
