"What if there was another guy with him who obviously needed it
more?" I said without a purposeful focus.
"It depends. I‘d probably split it."
"So how much you‘d give, and to who isn‘t an easy choice?"
"It‘s whom, and my quandary would be about giving it in such a way
that it would do no damage." She grimaced sympathetically; a thought
struck her. "This is not a hypothetical is it? You‘ve been caught in these
circumstances, or you wouldn‘t be defending yourself so adamantly." She
drawled, "Ahaaaaww, I didn‘t see that coming: it wasn‘t a question of
should you help, or how much, it was that you couldn‘t do anything. You
had to walk away because you understood the kid might kill them for
taking your money."
Bonnie was referring to a fourteen-year-old punk with a Kalashnikov,
in Beirut, warning our crew not to help his enemies, which we understood
to mean anyone we encountered on that bloody day. One street further on,
we had seen elderly people in dire need.
"Or let them starve," I said quietly.
"You did the right thing."
"Nothing?" I scoffed.
"In the grander view of behavioural evolution, that punk was
safeguarding their lesson. I‘ll explain…"
"You‘ve got to be fucking kidding," I snarled.
"As you can clearly see," she said flatly, "I am doing neither.
Circumstances dictated your course of action, and you listened to them.
You were not responsible, nor were you meant to think you were; you
were there as a witness. Besides," she punched me lightly on the arm,
"need isn't necessarily obvious. Our panhandler friend took better care of
himself than you do. You‘re fighting me because you feel guilty. Let it go.
None of this is personal."
"Uh huh," I said, rounding off the corner at the intersection.
I was two steps across before I noticed that Bonnie was still standing
at the curb, looking up at unstable skies. A light drizzle began to fall.
Though the sun was visible, so the shower would be brief, I walked back
to her and suggested that we stop at a local hotel lounge until the drizzle
passed.
"I can‘t afford it," Bonnie said, smiling apologetically.
"I‘ve got it covered," I said, waving her objection aside as though
striking at a fly circling my nose.
Bonnie gave me a peculiar look, like a foul smell had wafted her way.
