Weeks earlier, on Bonnie‘s suggestion that I try to make contact with
Phillip, my source–soul, I created a spiral staircase in my mind before I
fell asleep, and walked up it for three or four nights without anything
happening. Then I had a nightmare.
Thoroughly terrified, I was running through an inky void of highly
viscous air, struggling to get away from a wraith- like form that was
steadily closing in on me. When it reached out to take my life, I turned,
planted my feet, and defiantly shouted, "Fuck off! You can't hurt me!"
And the sooty hue passed through me to dissipate harmlessly in the
darkness.
Bonnie had contemplated my retelling of this event for a brief
moment before saying, "Now that you have faced your death head on,
there is no point in skulking around the periphery of your fears, when you
can freely access and assess your beliefs for their influences."
"From a life threatening situation," she said to me now, "you gained
the conviction that you were safe. Because it was delivered in the dream
state, it also took away your fear of the unknown in general, and the
unknowable in particular—that being Spirit." Bonnie leaned forward,
stood, and stepped toward home.
I did the same.
"Another example occurred," she said, taking my arm, "after the first
channel from Kha-lib. You had to decide whether I was crazy or that,
according to Kha- lib, the world was crazy and I was actually one of the
saner people in it. Correct?"
I nodded affirmatively, though we'd never discussed this.
"To do this, you had to deal with the apparent incongruity that your
reason created between my sparkling intellect and foolis h beliefs, until
you had your out-of-body experience." We stepped off the grass onto
Argyle Street.
"What difference did that make?"
"It was a definitive event that made my sanity a reasonable
conclusion, because you had a new framework within which to vie w an
otherwise unreasonable event. However, you did nothing more with that
knowledge than you did with your extreme combat experiences." She
gestured laconically. "You proselytized about the rules to others—facts
that begged you to make the next logical leap, and employ them all of the
time. Claiming that you believe everything I say, based on one fact, is
indulging your reason in the same way, because you‘re really not so sure
that you‘re not nuts."
"What? I know what happened, and I didn‘t make it up."
