"But not truly learned: You adapted to higher levels of danger in
Lebanon so that, during the nightly Beirut car bombings, you didn‘t even
bother to drop to the floor. Correct?"
"Being on the floor wouldn‘t have changed much if a car came flying
through the wall."
"So you metaphorically stood on the outside of the branch to get a
better view of someone cutting it off, instead of applying your new
knowledge to all circumstances?" She gathered her breath. "A minute ago,
you took a day-old incident that created a true conviction, which you just
claimed is broadly applicable knowledge in that you now believe
everything I say, when not an hour ago you demonstrated that‘s a lie."
Chuckling at my constipated look, she said, "You can‘t graciously accept
a simple lesson if it doesn‘t suit your mood." Miming fluffing a small
pillow, Bonnie whispered, "Shit," under her breath. "How shallow is that
comment on a conviction!"
"Christ—I didn‘t call you a liar."
"You also didn‘t appreciate the circumstance, because you filtered the
event through your self- image. Nothing coming from there is true
knowledge; it only masquerades as it. That‘s the rule."
Stumped, I meekly said, "I really do believe you."
"You just think you do."
"How is that not the same thing?" I said, perplexed.
"Your conviction that Spirit is real, and here, and teaching you," she
said, exhaling a substantial puff of patience through her nostrils, "is
missing a decisive element." She cleared her throat. "As an average
person, true conviction arrives as a consequence of feeling that your life is
at stake. Without this, you are indulging your reasoning on principles, and
what you deem to be critical beliefs, such as sincerely concluding that you
believe everything I say. Your claim is an off-shoot of the main event, and
it is certainly reasonable, but like most people you do nothing much with it
but make promises to yourself." She shrugged. "The missing word in your
conclusion is that you should believe everything I say, because it would be
unreasonable not to. Your sincerity is a second hand conviction reasoned
through the aspect of your self- image that deals with the appearance of
rationality, the proof of which you have already demonstrated."
"What put my survival at stake?"
"You were nearly scared to death on the way up to the ceiling.
Speaking of which," she said, as if I might argue the point, "you also had a
dream that provided you with the conviction to keep going with me,
before you had your out-of-body experience—the wraith?"
