Bonnie checked my expression for sarcasm. Seeing none, she quickly
looked away. If I didn‘t know better, I would have thought she was
holding back tears.
The silence stretched before I finally said, "There was something
scary at the end that I can‘t pin down."
"You must have focused on yourself—on doubt and suspicion."
"I guess I did. I mean. I‘m feeling stranded somehow. Maybe
threatened is a better word."
"There is no going back to being ignorant, and you don‘t know
enough to act independently," she succinctly explained both feelings.
Chuckling sardonically, she added, "Phillip keeps his promises. They all
do, all of the time, no exceptions." Bonnie chirped a sentiment, and
quickly sniffled it into an awkward breath. She did not care to explain her
apparent flash of sweeping sorrow; otherwise I might have known it was
appreciation for Spirit having thrown me into the deep end...with her, now
that we were both alone. You know, kind of.
Zzzz… I was standing inside a log cabin of modern construction,
when I became aware that I was dreaming. A man was sitting at a writing
desk with his back to me; he closed the book he was reading as I
approached, turned sideways, and said, "Look."
I knew that I had met him countless times, and that I was important to
him in ways beyond expression. I trusted him implicitly, but felt little else.
I followed his gaze.
On the far wall were two projections. In one, Bonnie was weeping
silently in the darkness of her bedroom. In the other, I was sleeping on my
futon. I wished I didn‘t drool.
"It has been an excellent start," the man said with satisfaction. "You
have seen the ways in which you are a cheap, petty, devious, greedy, cruel,
unappreciative, dangerous, and piously egocentric bigot. All you are
missing is the recognition, and acceptance, that were you patient and
wealthy you could be a despot masquerading as an affable man. You have
met many such people."
"You seem pleased about it."
"It was your design. The line is remarkably thin when you can‘t
assess the true nature of an event, is it not?"
"I don‘t know what it is about doing that. My brain cramps at the
mention of assessing essences. I know this means I‘m nuts, but…"
