Stalking Vol 2: The Bridge of Reason
all of this because substituting piety for patriotism equaled me: these were my behavioral
"We are blind to how recklessly irresponsible we can be. Shit…" I whispered.
"Go with it all the way. It’s time," she said softly.
"My world view is a consequence of all of these things."
"Deeper," she said quietly."
I knew exactly what she wanted.
"When I came back from the wars, everything and nothing had changed. My friends looked
ahead, I looked around corners. Girlfriends heard birds singing, I was listening for them to go
quiet. I couldn’t walk in a park unless it was on paved walkways. Strangers speaking in the
corner of the bar were talking about me. I saw people ducking into doorways, not shopping."
"Crush it down."
"Without fear, generosity of spirit shines through in all of us. We are wired to act properly.
It’s our quest."
"And with fear?"
"You can’t appreciate a thing. At best, you can only pay it the lip service of a second-hand
"How do you know that in this moment?"
"I don’t appreciate a thing you’ve ever done for me," I said surprisingly, but
unapologetically. It just was.
"You said we were wired to act properly, does this mean we are inherently good?’
"It means we want to be."
"Lies in that action, not the intention."
"Other personal manifestations of fear that may apply everywhere?"
I felt a surge in my thoughts, as if I was surfing a Boston Whaler down a sweeping swell,
leaving me hanging onto the gunwales of outdated beliefs as the truth dragged me into its depths.
"Go with it," Bonnie prompted me, which I did lest I lose contact with the elements of the
vast Stalker’s understanding the word fear would forever after trigger in my thoughts.
"If an act of generosity requires acknowledgement, it’s a bribe; if you’re annoyed at
personal probing, you’re hiding a secret about yourself from yourself, which is what makes your
sincerity seem real to you. Deviousness inexorably aligns with only your goals, regardless of
how cleverly your distractions construct an easier future for others, and pettiness is always about
insecurity. We’ve covered cruelty."
"Hold that garden of thought in your mind." Bonnie allowed me half a second before she
said, "You saw the end and you became it, because there was no other way for you to recognize
the elements and progression of self-destruction. You now intimately know how and why good
people can do remarkably stupid things."
"I’ve been working at it…"
"Of course." Her gesture waived my comment aside. "You still have too much concern
stored in this room. Let’s sit in the sun."
"I’m not sure I should move," I said blandly. My ears had begun buzzing, my focus had
become shallow, and I had to think about moving my legs.
"You have no choice," Bonnie said, helping me up.
Shuffling outside to her aluminum deck chairs, I offhandedly said, "This is great stuff for
our screenplay. I’ve had a teaching dream that will work, as well."