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Pamela or Virtue Rewarded

Letter 12
DEAR MOTHER,
Well, I will now proceed with my sad story. And so, after I had dried my eyes, I went
in, and began to ruminate with myself what I had best to do. Sometimes I thought I
would leave the house and go to the next town, and wait an opportunity to get to
you; but then I was at a loss to resolve whether to take away the things he had given
me or no, and how to take them away: Sometimes I thought to leave them behind
me, and only go with the clothes on my back, but then I had two miles and a half,
and a byway, to the town; and being pretty well dressed, I might come to some
harm, almost as bad as what I would run away from; and then may-be, thought I, it
will be reported, I have stolen something, and so was forced to run away; and to
carry a bad name back with me to my dear parents, would be a sad thing indeed!--O
how I wished for my grey russet again, and my poor honest dress, with which you
fitted me out, (and hard enough too it was for you to do it!) for going to this place,
when I was not twelve years old, in my good lady's days! Sometimes I thought of
telling Mrs. Jervis, and taking her advice, and only feared his command to be secret;
for, thought I, he may be ashamed of his actions, and never attempt the like again:
And as poor Mrs. Jervis depended upon him, through misfortunes, that had attended
her, I thought it would be a sad thing to bring his displeasure upon her for my sake.
In this quandary, now considering, now crying, and not knowing what to do, I passed
the time in my chamber till evening; when desiring to be excused going to supper,
Mrs. Jervis came up to me, and said, Why must I sup without you, Pamela? Come, I
see you are troubled at something; tell me what is the matter.
I begged I might be permitted to be with her on nights; for I was afraid of spirits, and
they would not hurt such a good person as she. That was a silly excuse, she said;
for why was not you afraid of spirits before?-- (Indeed I did not think of that.) But you
shall be my bed-fellow with all my heart, added she, let your reason be what it will;
 
 
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