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On the Path to Matera


Things I Never Should Have Done…
read “Cinderella” or any other “happily ever after” stuff;
watched all those romantic flicks in the 40s and 50s;
thought falling in heat was falling in love;
believed all the gluck we were told that “girls should get married, stay married, and have kids;
believed we were supposed to marry a guy if we had sex with him;
thought being engaged and having “given in” and had sex and gotten “knocked up” meant I had to go ahead
and marry the guy, just because he w anted me to;
ignored my mother's warnings about husband #1 being “not right” and married him anyway;
stayed married to a scary guy and bad husband “for the sake of the kids”;
stayed with a scary guy and bad father way too long, because I was too gutless to leave;
thought I needed a husband and my kids needed a live-in father;
bought into the lie that “family” and “husband” should come first to a woman, when only her children’s welfare
should really matter;
thought my husband had to love me, to make a “family” work best for the kids;
thought I had to leave husband #2 and move away from my grown kids, just because he couldn't love any
woman/wife, when a “loveless” marriage might have worked out ok for them;
worked overtime to find a guy to love me, who'd be a “father” for my last two, when they already had one
and I didn't really have to have a loving husband;
stupidly minded that my kids took their dad's side, feeling it shouldn't matter whether he loved me or not,
when they did;
ragged at my kids for being mad at me when I didn't take their side at times I thought they were wrong in
their own marriages;
apologized for any/all of the above with even the hint of a “but” attached;
not always and forever putting my children ahead of anything and everything else in my life!
After all, I wasn't born a wife, was I? But, I was born to be a mother! I only wish it wasn't so way too late to say,
“I'm sorry, kids!” And I won't claim ignorance as an excuse, either. I'm so damned smart, I should've been
able to figure it out, despite the brainwashing my generation was subjected to. But I didn’t. That's the sad, bad
bottom line. Any of you gals out there reading this, I hope you'll learn a valuable lesson from it. For your
children's sake…and yours.
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