On the Path to Matera
For my much and always beloved ‘lost’ daughters, who had good cause to reject me. Too late and too
little, I know, but I am so truly sorry for all I did wrong. If only I had been wiser, sooner.
To the Holes in My Heart
what could I say you’d want to hear…
when so much I’d made so cruelly clear?
Though decades have passed since you were wounded,
though I’ve long known how wrong-minded I’d been,
your estrangement from me is all mine, not your sin.
I would just say I loved you always,
I could not say why I did what I did…
when I only know I was half a bad mother,
when I only know the good half, bad outdid.
What would I do if you would let me,
what could I do to heal you somehow…
when so much harm can’t be undone now?
Though you’ve no reason to ever forgive me,
you’re always with me in happier mem’ries,
you’re never forgotten, I love you still.
I would just do anything, really,
I would just do all that you’ve missed…
if late, but not never, we hugged and kissed—
while I’m still here,
What would I say if you would listen,
when so much I’d said I should have not,
your pain was so great, love and trust so betrayed,
when so much was done so badly by me,
though I’ve no reason to hope that you will,
if you could let me be a good mother,
lost daughters, dear.