Introduction:
A little about Business Cards.
A standard way of advertising your business.
Business cards? If you have a business, you have to get some business cards and give them out to
people. I don’t know how much they are in America and places outside of England, but here, if you have
as little as £4.99 maybe, you can get a hundred. Then, you have to have one hundred people you can
give them to. In the past, Frankie has had one hundred, and a year later he has ninety nine, all with
frayed corners. There are many firms who contact people these days with brilliant offers with business
cards, business leaflets etc ... most will be lost in drawers etc. Give them out on the street, they end up
littering the pavement.
The best business leaflets in Coventry are from new takeaways, pizza delivery houses etc.
Coventry is the only City in England (maybe the world?) which has cactuses growing, and horned
animal skulls in people’s gardens, usually obscured by plastic bags and other litter. Cities usually have
pigeons, Coventry has vultures. This is because of the desert style drought conditions.
I’ve told this short tale by Frankie before somewhere, so I apologise if you’ve heard it. It does rain
on Coventry, but there are so many takeaways operating that the rising heat sees of the rain ... they
usually have a real downpour in Leamington which is twice as much as it should be because they get
double the rain. In Birmingham, their share of Coventry’s rain mixes with the smog and drips like tar on
everything. All this because of business leaflets i.e. if it wasn’t for business leaflets, there would be no
businesses because no one would know about them. The trouble is, the people who bring these leaflets
around the houses, are many ... so many, you wouldn’t believe. There have been days when the city
suburbs have been so crowded, the residents thought there was an event on at the Ricoh ... that was
never true, the nearest being the Jehovah’s Witnesses, loads of people dressed nicely with halos around
their heads ... but not a pizza leaflet to be seen. There are so many takeaways with delivery people, that
when a delivery is in full swing, there are only about 12 people at home, all the rest are delivering
leaflets, many to each other. This does make it hard to get in the door at night with the pile of ex- tree
behind it.
For people like Frankie, this can be a real problem on Valentine’s Day ... sometimes he has to get
through the roof skylight to gain access to his pad (ded cell). He did try and be arty with all the leaflets
which adorn the floor of the hallway each day. He began project paper mache with only a Wilkinson’s
bucket (95p). By the end of the second week, he had completed four full sized Eiffel Towers in the back
field. He is now working on a Blackpool Tower, Balti Towers (la leaflet mache hotel ... complete with a
mache figure of Basil Balti) and if leaflet delivery keeps up at the rate it is at, he will next astound the
local populous with a Leaning Tower of Pizza Leaflets.
Most people in Coventry don’t read anyway, so there would be no point in giving them business
stationery advertising an off the wall, soul, writer and storyteller. Actually, to be honest, most people
around here have those hotel bells on their heads, worn like those little hats hotel bell hops wear. If they
display a blank look when one tries to hold a conversation with them, you can just hit the bell, and they
come back from wherever they were hanging out. They’re all a bit Stan Laurel in his confused state.
Give them a business card, they say “Fooooood! Yum yum!” ...and away it goes into the acid bath.
So, paper business cards? Naaa ... we see off half a rainforest here every week as it is, so at least
electronics are fairly environmentally friendly. This then is our e business card, and an invite to our
website and Wonky Bookshop. Have a laugh on us, and forgive us our publicity plugs in this little free
offering. Then, go on www.frankie-lassut.com, buy an e book, grab a takeaway, and have another
laugh.
Tip: If you’re female and you get upset when you read Shortarse Stooge ... smash something that
isn’t too expensive. Smash a Pound Shop vase, then you’ll have to go and buy another one.
