If your relationship is in a rut I can guarantee that one of the key ingredients missing is “playfulness.”
When you first met, you were always flirting, consciously or unconsciously, in order to create intellectual
tension as well as sexual tension. The combination of these two tensions ignited the flames of interest,
passion and dialogue. The flow of body language, eye contact and voice intonation sent powerful
signals to your partner that she was absolutely the most important and interesting person on the face of
the earth for you. You stayed up all night waiting for the sunrise, intensely listening and conversing on a
multitude of subjects.
Oops. What went wrong? Over time, the initial infatuation wears off and the stresses of work, parenting
and life pound us back into submission. We take each other for granted and complacency becomes the
norm. This book is about how to trigger and reignite the spark with that special someone in your life.
One of the easiest ways to flirt is to slightly change your body distance. This distance varies dramatically
with each culture, but for Americans it is approximately four feet. For some European and Latin cultures
the distance is two feet. We unconsciously do a dance to keep this distance. If someone unwanted is too
close, it feels uncomfortable. If someone of interest to you closes this gap, a plethora of different types
of responses are evoked. Edward Hall researched the phenomena across cultures and created the study
of proxemics.
While setting up a trade show, I observed a man and a woman working in an adjacent booth. They were
well dressed and totally professional. After looking at this couple for less than five seconds I told my
colleagues that these two were lovers. Everyone told me I was wrong. At about 11 AM the couple
disappeared leaving the booth unattended and came back at 2PM looking happy and flushed. My fellow
workers asked me how I could have possibly known. The answer was easy. The distance between each
of them was too close. The first lesson of flirting is to move in a bit closer for conversation.
