Free Beer & Sex
If you are planning to travel round Australia and are thinking of putting on something
similar, I would advise you to get a manager. A work visa will be required for non-
Australian residents and it may be necessary to join an appropriate union.
I'm told that sex is not involved. Indeed, it is strictly out. The aim is to create an
image of masculine virility that will excite the ladies in the audience and make them
more amenable to the advances of their male companions. The mud girls' act was
there for a similar reason.
Some friends once invited me to become a partner in a nightclub. After a careful
look at the proposal I decided it wasn't for me. In the process, I learnt a lot about
the nightclub scene. In another article, I talk about the sort of competition
people can face from rivals who are prepared to take extreme measures to force
them out of business. That's one of the hazards of owning a nightclub. Here I'm
going to talk about the hazards faced by customers ... male customers.
I don't want to put you off. Some of my friends own nightclubs and I'm sure they run
them well. But not all clubs are well run and unfortunate things can happen in the best
As a customer, you meet your first hazard at the door. The posh term is security
personnel. Most people know them as bouncers . Some are well qualified. Others are
not. It was a problem in the past and it hasn't gone away. I'm amazed that the
industry hasn't done something to smarten up its act. We are still hearing stories of
undue force and frightening injuries to patrons who refuse to take orders from
overweight oafs who think they have a licence to punch and kick. Don't argue with the
sods and don't think the problem is confined to Australia. Other countries have an
equally bad record.
Incidentally, if you get a job as a bouncer and work in Townsville (where I had my
hostel) or any other garrison city, avoid fights with guys with short hair. There's a
chance they're in the army and trained to kill. While we were researching our
nightclub, a fight broke out in a local club and spilt onto the street . The bouncers
fought the army and came off second best. The military police were called in to
prevent serious injury and the club was declared off-limits to the troops. That was a
disaster for the owners. The boys spent freely and without them the club went bust.