Some friends once invited me to become a partner in a nightclub. After a careful look at the proposal I decided it wasn't for me. In the process, I learnt a lot about the nightclub scene. In another article, I talk about the sort of competition people can face from rivals who are prepared to take extreme measures to force them out of business. That's one of the hazards of owning a nightclub. Here I'm going to talk about the hazards faced by customers ... male customers.
I don't want to put you off. Some of my friends own nightclubs and I'm sure they run them well. But not all clubs are well run and unfortunate things can happen in the best of places.
As a customer, you meet your first hazard at the door. The posh term is security personnel. Most people know them as bouncers. Some are well qualified. Others are not. It was a problem in the past and it hasn't gone away. I'm amazed that the industry hasn't done something to smarten up its act. We are still hearing stories of undue force and frightening injuries to patrons who refuse to take orders from overweight oafs who think they have a licence to punch and kick. Don't argue with the sods and don't think the problem is confined to Australia. Other countries have an equally bad record.
Incidentally, if you get a job as a bouncer and work in Townsville (where I had my hostel) or any other garrison city, avoid fights with guys with short hair. There's a chance they're in the army and trained to kill. While we were researching our nightclub, a fight broke out in a local club and spilt onto the street. The bouncers fought the army and came off second best. The military police were called in to prevent serious injury and the club was declared off-limits to the troops. That was a disaster for the owners. The boys spent freely and without them the club went bust.
My next remarks are addressed to males in search of female company. Some strike it lucky and find a lonely lady who shares their desire for a harmless one-night-stand. Most don't. The lucky ones return to their beds disappointed but unscathed. The unlucky ones fall victims to a sting ... and that's something to be avoided.
Three basic rules apply:
* Don't let your hormones rule your head.
* Beware of fascinating women.
* Avoid group sex.
One poor guy failed to follow the third rule and found himself at the mercy of a pack of lesbian vampires (see Story 13, below). If you don't believe me, surf the net using lesbian, vampire, killers, Australia as tags and see what you get. None of my guests succumbed to that appalling fate but some fell victim to a lesser sting, which went something like this.
Imagine that you and your mates go off to explore the fleshpots of a new town. You fancy a bit of excitement and are drawn to the bright lights of a nightclub. You make your way past the bouncers and reach the reception desk. There's an entrance fee for men but women are let in free. That's encouraging. The club clearly wants to attract unaccompanied girls and you see a group at a table. You join them and soon get talking. Everything goes swimmingly. They're just the sort of chicks you've dreamt of ... no inhibitions and out for a bit of fun.
After a while, they invite you back to their place to watch porno videos and get to know one another better. It's too good a chance to miss and, half-sloshed, you and your mates pile into their cars. After a drive into the depths of suburbia you arrive at a small house. Videos go on and bras come off. The girls start to undress you. One of your mates is preparing for action when headlights appear in the driveway. Vehicles screech to a halt. The front door bursts open and a mob of guys bursts in. They accuse you of raping their wives. Fists fly. The girls flee and you're beaten up.
I was aware of three incidents of this sort when I ran my hostel. There could have been others. It's very humiliating. Definitely not the sort of thing you want to talk about. The victims were usually in their late twenties and stayed in private rooms in the hostel. They were always robbed and their injuries were sometimes severe. I informed my contacts in the local police and was told they knew what was going on but could do nothing until someone was prepared to lay complaints. As far as I know that never happened.