privilege to come, and where and when. I implore your pardon, Madam. I have
read your letters to poor Lucy, and know how good you are and how your
husband suffer. So I pray you, if it may be, enlighten him not, least it may harm.
Again your pardon, and forgive me.
25 September.--Come today by quarter past ten train if you can catch it. Can see
you any time you call. "WILHELMINA HARKER"
25 September.--I cannot help feeling terribly excited as the time draws near for
the visit of Dr. Van Helsing, for somehow I expect that it will throw some light
upon Jonathan's sad experience, and as he attended poor dear Lucy in her last
illness, he can tell me all about her. That is the reason of his coming. It is
concerning Lucy and her sleep-walking, and not about Jonathan. Then I shall
never know the real truth now! How silly I am. That awful journal gets hold of my
imagination and tinges everything with something of its own color. Of course it is
about Lucy. That habit came back to the poor dear, and that awful night on the
cliff must have made her ill. I had almost forgotten in my own affairs how ill she
was afterwards. She must have told him of her sleep-walking adventure on the
cliff, and that I knew all about it, and now he wants me to tell him what I know, so
that he may understand. I hope I did right in not saying anything of it to Mrs.
Westenra. I should never forgive myself if any act of mine, were it even a
negative one, brought harm on poor dear Lucy. I hope too, Dr. Van Helsing will
not blame me. I have had so much trouble and anxiety of late that I feel I cannot
bear more just at present.
I suppose a cry does us all good at times, clears the air as other rain does.
Perhaps it was reading the journal yesterday that upset me, and then Jonathan
went away this morning to stay away from me a whole day and night, the first
time we have been parted since our marriage. I do hope the dear fellow will take
care of himself, and that nothing will occur to upset him. It is two o'clock, and the
doctor will be here soon now. I shall say nothing of Jonathan's journal unless he
asks me. I am so glad I have typewritten out my own journal, so that, in case he
asks about Lucy, I can hand it to him. It will save much questioning.
Later.--He has come and gone. Oh, what a strange meeting, and how it all
makes my head whirl round. I feel like one in a dream. Can it be all possible, or
even a part of it? If I had not read Jonathan's journal first, I should never have
accepted even a possibility. Poor, poor, dear Jonathan! How he must have
suffered. Please the good God, all this may not upset him again. I shall try to
save him from it. But it may be even a consolation and a help to him, terrible
though it be and awful in its consequences, to know for certain that his eyes and
ears and brain did not deceive him, and that it is all true. It may be that it is the
doubt which haunts him, that when the doubt is removed, no matter which,
waking or dreaming, may prove the truth, he will be more satisfied and better
able to bear the shock. Dr. Van Helsing must be a good man as well as a clever
one if he is Arthur's friend and Dr. Seward's, and if they brought him all the way
from Holland to look after Lucy. I feel from having seen him that he is good and