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Crotchet Castle

REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Two very different persons, sir, give me leave to remark.
MR. CROTCHET. Very likely, sir; but both too good to be married in Athens.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Sir, Lais was a Corinthian.
MR. CROTCHET. Od's vengeance, sir, some Aspasia and any other Athenian
name of the same sort of person you like REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. I do not like the
sort of person at all: the sort of person I like, as I have already implied, is a
modest woman, who stays at home and looks after her husband's dinner.
MR. CROTCHET. Well, sir, that was not the taste of the Athenians. They
preferred the society of women who would not have made any scruple about
sitting as models to Praxiteles; as you know, sir, very modest women in Italy did
to Canova; one of whom, an Italian countess, being asked by an English lady,
"how she could bear it?" answered, "Very well; there was a good fire in the
room."
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Sir, the English lady should have asked how the Italian
lady's husband could bear it. The phials of my wrath would overflow if poor dear
Mrs. Folliott -: sir, in return for your story, I will tell you a story of my ancestor,
Gilbert Folliott. The devil haunted him, as he did Saint Francis, in the likeness of
a beautiful damsel; but all he could get from the exemplary Gilbert was an
admonition to wear a stomacher and longer petticoats.
MR. CROTCHET. Sir, your story makes for my side of the question. It proves that
the devil, in the likeness of a fair damsel, with short petticoats and no stomacher,
was almost too much for Gilbert Folliott. The force of the spell was in the drapery.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Bless my soul, sir!
MR. CROTCHET. Give me leave, sir. Diderot REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Who was
he, sir?
MR. CROTCHET. Who was he, sir? the sublime philosopher, the father of the
Encyclopaedia, of all the encyclopaedias that have ever been printed.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Bless me, sir, a terrible progeny: they belong to the tribe of
Incubi.
MR. CROTCHET. The great philosopher, Diderot REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Sir,
Diderot is not a man after my heart. Keep to the Greeks, if you please; albeit this
Sleeping Venus is not an antique.
MR. CROTCHET. Well, sir, the Greeks: why do we call the Elgin marbles
inestimable? Simply because they are true to nature. And why are they so
superior in that point to all modern works, with all our greater knowledge of
anatomy? Why, sir, but because the Greeks, having no cant, had better
opportunities of studying models?
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Sir, I deny our greater knowledge of anatomy. But I shall
take the liberty to employ, on this occasion, the argumentum ad hominem. Would
you have allowed Miss Crotchet to sit for a model to Canova?
MR. CROTCHET. Yes, sir.
"God bless my soul, sir!" exclaimed the Reverend Doctor Folliott, throwing
himself back into a chair, and flinging up his heels, with the premeditated design
of giving emphasis to his exclamation; but by miscalculating his impetus, he
overbalanced his chair, and laid himself on the carpet in a right angle, of which
his back was the base.
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