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Crotchet Castle

the household as one dying of hunger, while another dies of surfeit. In the state it
is all hunger at one end, and all surfeit at the other. Matchless claret, Mr.
MR. CROTCHET. Vintage of fifteen, Doctor.
MR. MAC QUEDY. The family consumes, and so does the state.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Consumes, air! Yes: but the mode, the proportions: there
is the essential difference between the state and the family. Sir, I hate false
MR. MAC QUEDY. Well, sir, the analogy is not essential. Distribution will come
under its proper head.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Come where it will, the distribution of the state is in no
respect analogous to the distribution of the family. The paterfamilias, sir: the
MR. MAC QUEDY. Well, sir, let that pass. The family consumes, and in order to
consume, it must have supply.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Well, sir, Adam and Eve knew that, when they delved and
MR. MAC QUEDY. Very true, sir (reproducing his scroll). "In the infancy of
MR. TOOGOOD. The reverend gentleman has hit the nail on the head. It is the
distribution that must be looked to; it is the paterfamilias that is wanting in the
State. Now here I have provided him. (Reproducing his diagram.)
MR. TRILLO. Apply the money, sir, to building and endowing an opera house,
where the ancient altar of Bacchus may flourish, and justice may be done to
sublime compositions. (Producing a part of a manuscript opera.)
MR. SKIONAR. No, sir, build sacella for transcendental oracles to teach the
world how to see through a glass darkly. (Producing a scroll.)
MR. TRILLO. See through an opera-glass brightly.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. See through a wine-glass full of claret; then you see both
darkly and brightly. But, gentlemen, if you are all in the humour for reading
papers, I will read you the first half of my next Sunday's sermon. (Producing a
OMNES. No sermon! No sermon!
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Then I move that our respective papers be committed to
our respective pockets.
MR. MAC QUEDY. Political economy is divided into two great branches,
production and consumption.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Yes, sir; there are two great classes of men: those who
produce much and consume little; and those who consume much and produce
nothing. The fruges consumere nati have the best of it. Eh, Captain! You
remember the characteristics of a great man according to Aristophanes: [Greek
text]. Ha! ha! ha! Well, Captain, even in these tight-laced days, the obscurity of a
learned language allows a little pleasantry.
CAPTAIN FITZCHROME. Very true, sir; the pleasantry and the obscurity go
together; they are all one, as it were--to me at any rate (aside).