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Crotchet Castle

MR. MAC QUEDY. And in many others, sir, I believe. Morals and metaphysics,
politics and political economy, the way to make the most of all the modifications
of smoke; steam, gas, and paper currency; you have all these to learn from us; in
short, all the arts and sciences. We are the modern Athenians.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. I, for one, sir, am content to learn nothing from you but the
art and science of fish for breakfast. Be content, sir, to rival the Boeotians, whose
redeeming virtue was in fish, touching which point you may consult Aristophanes
and his scholiast in the passage of Lysistrata, [Greek text], and leave the name
of Athenians to those who have a sense of the beautiful, and a perception of
metrical quantity.
MR. MAC QUEDY. Then, sir, I presume you set no value on the right principles
of rent, profit, wages, and currency?
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. My principles, sir, in these things are, to take as much as I
can get, and pay no more than I can help. These are every man's principles,
whether they be the right principles or no. There, sir, is political economy in a
MR. MAC QUEDY. The principles, sir, which regulate production and
consumption are independent of the will of any individual as to giving or taking,
and do not lie in a nutshell by any means.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Sir, I will thank you for a leg of that capon.
LORD BOSSNOWL. But, sir, by-the-bye, how came your footman to be going
into your cook's room? It was very providential to be sure, but REV. DR.
FOLLIOTT. Sir, as good came of it, I shut my eyes, and ask no questions. I
suppose he was going to study hydrostatics, and he found himself under the
necessity of practising hydraulics.
MR. FIREDAMP. Sir, you seem to make very light of science.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Yes, sir, such science as the learned friend deals in:
everything for everybody, science for all, schools for all, rhetoric for all, law for all,
physic for all, words for all, and sense for none. I say, sir, law for lawyers, and
cookery for cooks: and I wish the learned friend, for all his life, a cook that will
pass her time in studying his works; then every dinner he sits down to at home,
he will sit on the stool of repentance.
LORD BOSSNOWL. Now really that would be too severe: my cook should read
nothing but Ude.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. No, sir! let Ude and the learned friend singe fowls
together; let both avaunt from my kitchen. [Greek text]. Ude says an elegant
supper may be given with sandwiches. Horresco referens. An elegant supper. Di
meliora piis. No Ude for me. Conviviality went out with punch and suppers. I
cherish their memory. I sup when I can, but not upon sandwiches. To offer me a
sandwich, when I am looking for a supper, is to add insult to injury. Let the
learned friend, and the modern Athenians, sup upon sandwiches.
MR. MAC QUEDY. Nay, sir; the modern Athenians know better than that. A
literary supper in sweet Edinbro' would cure you of the prejudice you seem to
cherish against us.
REV. DR. FOLLIOTT. Well, sir, well; there is cogency in a good supper; a good
supper in these degenerate days bespeaks a good man; but much more is