What o'clock is it? --- Old Saying.
EVERYBODY knows, in a general way, that the finest place in the world is --- or, alas,
was --- the Dutch borough of Vondervotteimittiss. Yet as it lies some distance from any
of the main roads, being in a somewhat out-of-the-way situation, there are perhaps very
few of my readers who have ever paid it a visit. For the benefit of those who have not,
therefore, it will be only proper that I should enter into some account of it. And this is
indeed the more necessary, as with the hope of enlisting public sympathy in behalf of the
inhabitants, I design here to give a history of the calamitous events which have so lately
occurred within its limits. No one who knows me will doubt that the duty thus self-
imposed will be executed to the best of my ability, with all that rigid impartiality, all that
cautious examination into facts, and diligent collation of authorities, which should ever
distinguish him who aspires to the title of historian.
By the united aid of medals, manuscripts, and inscriptions, I am enabled to say,
positively, that the borough of Vondervotteimittiss has existed, from its origin, in
precisely the same condition which it at present preserves. Of the date of this origin,
however, I grieve that I can only speak with that species of indefinite definiteness which
mathematicians are, at times, forced to put up with in certain algebraic formulae. The
date, I may thus say, in regard to the remoteness of its antiquity, cannot be less than any
assignable quantity whatsoever.
Touching the derivation of the name Vondervotteimittiss, I confess myself, with
sorrow, equally at fault. Among a multitude of opinions upon this delicate point- some
acute, some learned, some sufficiently the reverse -- I am able to select nothing which
ought to be considered satisfactory. Perhaps the idea of Grogswigg- nearly coincident
with that of Kroutaplenttey -- is to be cautiously preferred. --- It runs: ---
Vondervotteimittis -- Vonder, lege Donder --- Votteimittis, quasi und Bleitziz --- Bleitziz
obsol: -- pro Blitzen." This derivative, to say the truth, is still countenanced by some
traces of the electric fluid evident on the summit of the steeple of the House of the Town-
Council. I do not choose, however, to commit myself on a theme of such importance, and
must refer the reader desirous of information to the "Oratiunculae de Rebus Praeter-
Veteris," of Dundergutz. See, also, Blunderbuzzard "De Derivationibus," pp. 27 to 5010,
Folio, Gothic edit., Red and Black character, Catch-word and No Cypher; wherein
consult, also, marginal notes in the autograph of Stuffundpuff, with the Sub-
Commentaries of Gruntundguzzell.
Notwithstanding the obscurity which thus envelops the date of the foundation of
Vondervotteimittis, and the derivation of its name, there can be no doubt, as I said before,
that it has always existed as we find it at this epoch. The oldest man in the borough can
remember not the slightest difference in the appearance of any portion of it; and, indeed,
the very suggestion of such a possibility is considered an insult. The site of the village is
in a perfectly circular valley, about a quarter of a mile in circumference, and entirely
surrounded by gentle hills, over whose summit the people have never yet ventured to
