lived on Chinese take-away.
Over time the poor girl found,
her bottom growing rather round.
Friends and neighbours came to stare,
at such a bulbous derrière.
Some joked, some poked, some whispered low,
especially her cousin Joe.
Father frowned and shook his head,
Uncle Bert just grinned and said,
"J-lo would pay a pretty price
to have a bum that looked that nice."
Mother chuckled at the fuss.
Replying, "That'd stop a bus!"
Such comments made young Ceilidh mad,
feel unattractive, deeply sad.
She ate and ate to fill the hurt,
provoked by mum and Uncle Bert.
But when she ate her dog, called Fang,
poor girl exploded with a bang!
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When one lives with a wife who's a nutter,
one tends to be nutty oneself.
That's why this one lives in an orange,
and sleeps with his head on a shelf.
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Poke Me Please
Kylie was a lovely lass:
pretty hair a curly mass,
full red lips, the brightest grin,
bright eyes lit from deep within.
Social life a heady whirl,
Kylie was a busy girl:
friends who'd go that extra mile,
just to see our Kylie smile.
When Kylie got a special gift
- wrapped in tape so hard to shift,
tore it apart with breathless glee;
out popped a shiny Blackberry.
So began her time of stress,
and life became a horrid mess: