his struggles came to naught.
Saw his mobile on the couch.
and dialled, using his nose.
Coughed, then hummed, then quickly talked
explaining all his woes.
They carted Peter down the stairs,
laptop, and Basque and all.
Slung him in the ambulance,
took off - Pete feeling small.
While being dragged through A&E,
to shouts and calls and leer.
Pete learnt this lesson very quick:
'Don't wear your girlfriend's gear!'
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While trying to pee on British Rail,
a gentleman should sit.
'cause if he stands, he'll soon find out
the pan is hard to hit.
He'll wet the floor, or seat or wall,
no matter what his aim.
Then exit from the rocking loo,
to show his stain of shame!
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Young Henry Crutcher, so it seems,
Just really hated eating greens,
Whenever mum served them at tea,
He'd scream and shout like some banshee.
She tried and tried but always failed,
To make young Henry eat his kale,
He screamed so hard, "Take it away,"
That mum let Henry have his way.
Then at age thirty, Henry found,
His middle grown so very round,
He couldn't bend down on his knee,
His legs were far to fat, you see.
Poor Henry Crutcher, dead in bed,
Was found by healthy cousin Fred,
Who liked to give this good advice,