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Barefoot on Thin Ice


Tapio's outhouse
The mine shut down for Christmas on Friday. Toivo and Timo and Tapio
really needed a beer. You could tell that Tapio was the foreman because
he drove a Pontiac with no rust.
So they piled into Tapio's Pontiac and headed to the Vets' Club and
downed a few Grain Belts. And a few more. And got that less than fresh
feeling pretty quick. Toivo invited the crowd to help baptize his new
outhouse. So they picked up a six-pack of Grain Belt and piled into
Tapio's Pontiac. Real fast.
Toivo wasn't, well, you know, never mind . You could tell by the
outhouse.
That outhouse was gonna fall over on its occupant during the first good
snowstorm. Plywood siding, plywood roof, nails sticking out, you get the
picture. But of course, we all know what outhouses are really about:
depth. Toivo was really proud because he had dug for two weeks, so he
had to show it off to his friends. He pulled down his pants, sat down,
"Grunt" and started counting...
"One, two, three, four..." Splash. Now that's deep. But Timo was not
impressed.
Timo had a new outhouse too. He might have been Toivo's second cousin
four times removed , but he had a few more logs on the cord. So they
piled into Tapio's Pontiac, headed to the Vet's Club, and picked up a six-
pack of Grain Belt. And another one for good measure.
This was the ride of their lives. Tapio's radio even started working again.
They made it to Timo's house, just in time. His outhouse looked like a
real outhouse. T-1-11 siding, asphalt roof, moon carved on the door, the
genuine article. It even had a real toilet seat and three spare rolls of
toilet paper. But of course, we all know what outhouses are really about:
depth. Timo and four cousins dug for a month, and he was very proud.
He pulled down his pants, sat down, "Grunt" and started counting...
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..." Splash! The guys were
very impressed. Except for Tapio, of course.
After all, he was the guy with the Pontiac...
 
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