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An Ideal Husband

LORD GORING. [Throws down paper and rises.] My dear father, when one pays
a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's time, not one's own.
LORD CAVERSHAM. Have you been thinking over what I spoke to you about
last night?
LORD GORING. I have been thinking about nothing else.
LORD CAVERSHAM. Engaged to be married yet?
LORD GORING. [Genially.] Not yet: but I hope to be before lunch- time.
LORD CAVERSHAM. [Caustically.] You can have till dinner-time if it would be of
any convenience to you.
LORD GORING. Thanks awfully, but I think I'd sooner be engaged before lunch.
LORD CAVERSHAM. Humph! Never know when you are serious or not.
LORD GORING. Neither do I, father.
[A pause.]
LORD CAVERSHAM. I suppose you have read THE TIMES this morning?
LORD GORING. [Airily.] THE TIMES? Certainly not. I only read THE MORNING
POST. All that one should know about modern life is where the Duchesses are;
anything else is quite demoralising.
LORD CAVERSHAM. Do you mean to say you have not read THE TIMES
leading article on Robert Chiltern's career?
LORD GORING. Good heavens! No. What does it say?
LORD CAVERSHAM. What should it say, sir? Everything complimentary, of
course. Chiltern's speech last night on this Argentine Canal scheme was one of
the finest pieces of oratory ever delivered in the House since Canning.
LORD GORING. Ah! Never heard of Canning. Never wanted to. And did . . . did
Chiltern uphold the scheme?
LORD CAVERSHAM. Uphold it, sir? How little you know him! Why, he
denounced it roundly, and the whole system of modern political finance. This
speech is the turning-point in his career, as THE TIMES points out. You should
read this article, sir. [Opens THE TIMES.] 'Sir Robert Chiltern . . . most rising of
our young statesmen . . . Brilliant orator . . . Unblemished career . . . Well- known
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