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Amock Comedy Magazine 5

POP NEWS with DAVE LEE RAVISH
READER OFFERS
A new species of nit has been discovered in Frankie
Cocozza’s hair.
It is common knowledge that many white women
desire black men because of their impressive manly
parts. This distresses white men because they fear
that they will end up not getting any, but they need
not despair. Modern science has come up with a
solution to your problem. It may not be possible,
despite email advertising to the contrary, to change
the size of your appendage to match that of the
average black man, but it is possible to change the
flavour.
Eminem and Elvis Costello have joined forces to record
Stan & Oliver’s Army.
Lena Martell has admitted that whilst recording One
Day At A Time in 1979 she was wearing no knickers.
A gay Beatles tribute band have brought out a new
single called I Want To Hold Your Handbag.
Ian Anderson, lead singer of Progressive Rock and
Folk group Jethro Tull, has been told off by a Professor
of Biology. In 1971, Anderson said, “Life Is A Long
Song”. The Professor from Birmingham University has
accused Mr Anderson of being very silly indeed. “A
long song is a lengthy piece of music composed for the
voice,” said the Professor, “whereas life is the state or
quality that distinguishes living beings or organisms
from dead ones and from inorganic matter.” Mr Ander-
son has apologised for being silly.
Yes, now you can make your todger taste just like
a black man’s. You too can turn your winkle into a
wang that will be appreciated by your partner. Just
order a jar of our patented Black Schlong Elixir and
dip your dick into it. We have been turning men into
Mandingo for over 25 years and have only been
sued twice.
The Smiths have got back together to record a stun-
ning new single with 70s singer Clifford T Ward called
The Queen Is Gaye.
Prince has joined forces with Radiohead to record The
Most Beautiful Creep In The World.
Send a cheque for $4,000 to the Black Schlong Co
of 11234 Fraud Street, Baltimore for a 5 gallon drum
of our wonder dip. (Contains nuts)
Lionel Ritchie has revealed that his Number 1 hit Three
Times A Lady was based on Vanessa Feltz. He initially
intended to call it Six Times A Lady but didn’t want to
cause offence.
CHASTITY BELT FOR SALE
Art Garfunkel has teamed up with Dizzee Rascal to
record I Only Have Eyes For Bonkers
This was the chastity belt worn by my
grandmother who used it to ward off the
attentions of the Red Army when they invaded
the Fatherland in 1945. Unfortunately, she was
an attractive woman and the Bolsheviks did not
like to be thwarted, so they blew it off with a
round from a T34 tank and had their way with
her. The belt was, therefore, slightly damaged,
but I have had it repaired by expert German
craftsmen so that it now passes all international
safety standards for such devices. In fact I have
had it reinforced with tungsten alloys so that it
should now be proof against a uranium-
depleted shell from an Abrams tank. As such
it would be entirely suitable for the wife of a
Muslim gentleman who might face the
attentions of the American armed forces. It is
opened by keypad and I will supply the code
when you are horny.
Fleetwood Mac are hoping to better their biggest hit
Albatross this month with the release of a new single
entitled Great Spot-
ted Woodpecker
David Bowie is to
bring out a new sin-
gle all about his
days in the 70s
when he was off his
head on drugs. It’s
called Ch-Ch-Ch-
Charly.
And finally, Lady
GaGa is to adopt a
baby. She is to call
it Baby GooGoo.
$5,000 ONO to Rolf@neonazi.org
 
 
 
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