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Amock Comedy Magazine 5

Capricorn - December 22- January 20
Aquarius - January 21 – February 19
You discover that you have mice. You
feel a bit guilty about putting traps
down. To make yourself feel a bit
better, put a cheesecake on the trap.
You go into a bookshop. You say to the
woman behind the counter, “Do you
keep stationery in here?” She says, “No.
Sometimes I wiggle my arse.”
Pisces - February 20 – March 20
Aries - March 21- April 20
It’s time you stopped pulling faces.
How would you like it if somebody
pulled yours?
The planet Neptune brings romantic
complications. It’s not easy falling in
love with a 9-ft purple alien with six
arms and a large compound eye in the
middle of it’s head.
Taurus - April 21- May 21
Gemini - May 21- June 21
You borrow a book from the library on
Time Travel. You return it in 1973.
It’s Karaoke Night at your local pub.
You can’t decide between a Beverly
Sisters, a Boney M and a Robert Plant
number. So you sing I Saw Mommy
Kissing Rasputin’s Big Log.
Cancer - June 22 – July 23
Leo - July 24 – August 23
You’ve been suffering with insomnia.
Under the doctor’s orders you go to bed
counting sheep. You count up to
87,934 and then it’s time to get up.
You buy a tin of alphabet spaghetti.
After eating it you notice it’s 12 months
out of date. You bring up the letters
P-U-K-E.
Virgo - August 24 – September 23
Libra - September 24- October 23
Your love life may take a pleasant twist.
If the twist becomes too severe seek
medical advice.
You go to a French restaurant and eat
ten plates of snails. You go home and
feel sick. It takes you four hours to
reach the bathroom.
Scorpio - October 24 – November 22
Sagittarius-November 23–December 21
A difficult time for parents with
teenage sons. The problems of spots
and girls make your son extremely
difficult to live with. Things reach
boiling point when he brings home a
spotty girlfriend
All you little old ladies, whilst walking
down the street you see a young man
naked in the window of his flat. You
shout, “You dirty bastard! Clean your
windows!”
 
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