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Amock Comedy Magazine 5

TATTOO MUCH
There comes a point in every young person’s life when they have to make an important decision. For a young
man it may be whether to grow a moustache. For a young woman it may be whether to shave her
undercarriage. But for both the most important will be, whether to get a tattoo.
Before they embark on that great coming-of-age moment,
deciding to deface their body, they must consider whether they
are cool enough without a tattoo. If the answer is no then by all
means they must go ahead.
Female tattoo enthusiasts have a little more choice than men as
they can get their own, or for that matter someone else’s, name
tattooed across the small of their back, this is known colloquially
as the Tramp Stamp. These types of tattoos usually appeal to
the more sexually promiscuous ladies who hang around seedy
night clubs after 3am chatting up young men or shouting abuse
at passers by with their mouths full of pizza. Not a pretty sight.
Another common place for females to have tattoos is on their
feet; these sometimes take the form of a beautiful flower such as a rose. The fact that the sweet odour of the
rose does not match that of the feet is just another of those incongruities that makes spelling incongruities so
difficult.
Check out how this girl’s tattoos make her much
more attractive.
Still other women have the name of their current paramour tattooed
on their left buttock. These normally follow the line of ‘Property of
Bob Smillie’ or such, but at least this system does allow space on the
right buttock for a list of previous owners.
An increasingly popular trait among young men is to have their manly
parts tattooed with their own name, probably as a mark of ownership
in case they lose it while at the urinal or it ends up down the hose of
their vacuum cleaner after a much regretted drunken adventure.
Gents please always remember the golden rule - don’t get anything
tattooed on your parts unless you’re 100% sure it will fit. Joe Bell
might just manage, but Fforbes Smythe-Gorely is definitely wasting
his time.
Furthermore as a final note please remember that correct spelling is
vital as tattooists are not known for their learning. Natalei, as she’s
now called, found this out the hard way.
 
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