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Amock Comedy Magazine 4

THE HITLER LETTERS
AMOCK / Page 5
INTRODUCTION
The discovery of this cache of correspondence, written by the fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler, has naturally caused
a great deal of controversy throughout the world. Their provenance cannot be doubted as they were recently
unearthed in Vienna in a tin box clearly marked, ‘Copies of my letters. A.H.’ That they are genuine is also verified
by the fact that many eminent historians have failed to contest their validity.
These are not, of course the letters of the Fuhrer Hitler, but those of the peasant boy Hitler, who came to Vienna,
ostensibly to study art, at the age of 18 and stayed there until the age of 24 in 1913 when the prospect of being
called up to the Austrian army led him to flee to Munich. Nevertheless, we can see from these documents the
development of Hitler’s odious theories and also the maturation of the boy as his dreams of being an artist are
crushed and he has to find a means to survive and also fulfil what he believes to be his destiny.
It is this which has led us to publish these important historical documents and the thought of profiteering from
this prolonged curiosity has never crossed our mind. Not even in the slightest.
Some readers may cavil at the shoddy nature of the translation from the original German of the letters, but lack
of finance has been our enemy in this case and we have spent all we could afford in training our expert translators
up to a state of semi-literacy in their native Turkish, never mind German and English. Our best advice is to read
the text in a cod German accent with a glass of schnapps to hand.
We have chosen to avoid censoring the letters in any way as we are not revisionists, but the documents
themselves were in such a degraded state that it would have been impossible to deliver them ‘as is’. We have
therefore had them retyped and reformatted to make them easier to read. It is unfortunate that the replies from
Hitler’s correspondents have not been recovered as these would have given a clearer view of the world that
formed him. There are also gaps in the correspondence which implies that Hitler did not keep copies of all of
his letters. However, incomplete as this picture is, it will truly take you into the mind of the man who was Adolf
Hitler, if only occasionally.
Professor Fritz von Bogus, Dept of Spurious Studies, University of Vienna
3rd June 2011
FROM: Adolf Hitler, 86 (b) Leipzigstrasse, Vienna, Austria
TO: Heinrich & Sons (Master Bakers), Schwedenplatz, Vienna, Austria
DATE: 1st August 1907
Sirs,
The Black Forest gateau you delivered to me yesterday was not very sweet. I have a very sweet tooth and
require my gateau to be extra sweet. I informed your sales assistant, Frau Bomler, of this when I visited to order
my gateau. Is she incapable of taking orders? If she is an Austrian she is a member of the great Germanic race
and should take orders willingly. If she is not Austrian be warned, I am keeping an eye on you and your deviant
employment policies.
Yours sincerely,
A. Hitler
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