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Amock Comedy Magazine 4

HOW TO DEAL WITH SERVANTS
ADVICE FROM LADY SOTHEBY-BLYTHE
It is unlikely that the recently wealthy have
any real concept of how to deal with menial
serving staff. I am thinking especially of
those who have gained riches through a
lottery win, currency speculation or other
methods which do not require any great
effort. It is even possible that some of you
may have been tainted with democratic or
socialist principles and find the thought of
having servants distasteful, but the truth is
that there are many poor people in the
world and it is our job to provide them with
jobs and a wage to maintain their miserable
lives.
how many he needs before you offer
employment as some use this perk to
have their girlfriends under them.
Maid by Whitfield-in-World
Maids too need to be kept on a short
leash and away from the gardeners to
avoid maternity leave. Otherwise a
terrifying head housekeeper should be
employed to keep them in order. Three
per room is more than adequate and
should be hired according to their duties.
Laundry maids in any case should be of
the muscular sort. You might have all the
labour-saving electrical devices but
nothing cleans bed-sheets like a good
However, managing a staff of servants is not an easy
task and must be approached with caution. The first
thing you must realise is that those who apply to you for
a position as your servant are poor. This means that
they will steal from you. Therefore every item of value
that you possess must be itemised, photographed and
recorded and all new staff must be fingerprinted. This
will help the police when the inevitable theft takes place.
pounding.
If you wish your staff of servants to stay loyal to you it
is essential that you pay them badly and thrash them
regularly.
COMING SOON
WORLD WAR II IN SMELL-O-VISION
Where gardeners are concerned the number will
obviously depend on the size of your estate, but do
ensure that they are small chaps who can be easily
hidden when guests are visiting.
?SAVOUR THE ACRID STENCH OF
A NUREMBERG RALLY
Within the household you must have enough staff to
cover every household staff and they should be
specialists in their field. Having a single cook is
frightfully middle-class and at the very least one should
have one in charge of starters, one for mains and a
maestro for desserts. If your coffers are overflowing
you might stretch to an in-house baker, a game butcher
and a chap to look after fish. Sauces , of course, require
a Frenchman though do discourage any friendship with
your wine steward or he will empty your cellars.
?EXPERIENCE THE AROMA OF THE
RED ARMY
?SMELL THE JAP IN THE
BURMESE JUNGLE
?ENJOY THE SCENT OF EVA
BRAUN
?KNOW THE ODOUR OF THE S.S.
A butler is an absolute necessary and if he is adequately
qualified he will require servants of his own. Establish
World War II is © 1939-1945 The Discovery Channel
 
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