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Amock Comedy Magazine 4

NGOMA GOES FREE
Ugandan judge, Mr Justice Ndimba, has denied any wrong-doing in freeing the man accused of robbing the
National Bank of Uganda of $50,000, Fred Ngoma.
“It is wrong to say that I was bribed,” he insisted, “which is a pity as it would only have been $500 and I need
to get my car fixed.”
Though Ngoma was seemingly captured on the bank’s CCTV cameras, Ndimba accepted his plea that the
pictures were actually of his
identical twin brother,
George.
This assertion was challenged
by Capt Tom D’bonga of the
Kampala Police, who said that
birth records indicated that
Fred Ngoma did not have a
twin brother.
In a further twist to the case
Ngoma said that his twin has
been kidnapped by aliens at
birth, which was described as
‘ludicrous’ by the prosecution.
“I have already clarified this,” explained the judge, “Mr
Ngoma actually said that his twin brother was abducted by
Aileens and there were in fact two nurses called Aileen at
the hospital where he was born. The onus is on the
prosecution to prove guilt beyond reasonable doubt,
and I am not convinced. I have also dismissed the rumours
that Mr Ngoma is my wife’s brother which is why I
showed him clemency. In fact my wife has no brother. His
name is Youngboy Dmiba and it is true that he approached me for a loan of money to buy a tractor for his
farm. I refused his request and advised him that government grants were available for the purchase of
agricultural equipment but seemingly they were not sufficient for the Mercedes S Class combine harvester he
desired.”
As Uganda’s leading judicial figure Ndimba has a long record of being lenient to men accused of robbery,
especially where the proceeds have not been recovered and there are unsubstantiated allegations that he has
benefited from this.
“I am well aware of what people say about me,” he protested, “That I do a deal with the robbers and take a cut
of the take in return for letting them go. This is nonsense as can be seen from my actual record. The
American Express job, where the amount missing was in excess of $2 millions. Arthur Klimba had a perfect
alibi. He was my gardener and at the time of the crime was in my bedroom discussing flower beds with my
wife. Yes, I bought a larger house shortly thereafter, but that was a coincidence. The recent gold bullion raid.
Again, a believable alibi, the accused Ron Mkimba was only three years old at the time. Yes, he was six feet
tall, but I do not believe the birth record was faked. On the evidence he was innocent and yes, I bought a
yacht but, again, coincidence. Any analysis of statistics will show that coincidences do happen. These
outsiders who say that Uganda is a corrupt society are the type of people who will not accept a bribe and
therefore cannot be trusted. Case dismissed.”
 
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