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Amock Comedy Magazine 4

HOW TO SEDUCE A LIBRARIAN
Many young men find librarians to be
sexually attractive but are unsure as
to how to approach these desirable
but seemingly unattainable
creatures. The truth is that these
bookish women are highly
attainable if the correct procedures
are followed.
Now approach your target and let her know that
you are a writer and struggling
with your first novel. She will be
immediately interested and,
hopefully, aroused. You must let
her know that you have reached a
stage in your novel where the two
main characters must make love
but, as a young man, you have little
e x p e r i e nce of such emotions. This
immediately sets her a challenge and one which, with
her altruistic nature, she cannot resist. Very soon she
will be coaching you in the ways of love while reading
your plagiarised novel as you make love to her. It’s a
dirty trick, but it works.
The first thing you must understand is the mentality
behind these women who have devoted their lives to
dusty bookshelves. To be blunt, they are nuts and are
frequently obsessive about the literary world. To have
your evil way, you must take advantage of this by
pretending to be a writer. That’s how the writers of
Amock do it, we pretend to be writers. First download
a really old novel from Project Guttenberg. Open it in
Word and using the Find & Replace functions, change
the names of characters and locations. Print off about
twenty pages.
NEXT MONTH - How to Seduce a male geography
teacher.
Pic by freakapotimus
SCIENTIST INVENTS SELF-DELIVERING PIZZA
A scientist claims to have invented a pizza
which delivers itself once you’ve ordered
it on the telephone.
pizza arrived as the new invention could
not yet be taught to ring a door bell.
“She smart, but no’ that smart.”
Dr Luigi Di Deepcrustio of Palermo, Italy,
says the idea came to him when he
realised that the shape of a pizza meant it
was inherently aero-dynamic like a
Frisbee. “I think to myself,” he explained,
“that the pizza she deliver herself if she
have small rocket engine. So, the
customer he order and give the address
and the pizza shop they make the pizza. Then they
programme in-built chip with GPS co-ordinates and
launch pizza. Pretty soon the pizza she sitting on your
table.”
Due to the limited amount of rocket fuel
the pizza can carry, heavy toppings are
discouraged for customers are some
distance from the launch site, though the
Doctor is working on this problem.
“The answer she’s a helium, I’m a
thinking. We bake the pizza in the oven
she filled with helium which make her
lighter. Then you have as much topping as you like,
even salami, pineapple, peppers, whatever and she still
reach your mouth and not land in other guy’s house.
We beat the world with this invention. The Chinese?
Chow mein, she no fly. America? The burger, she no
fly. The pizza, she fly!”
The Doctor added that customers would be advised to
leave a window open to avoid any accidents when the
 
 
 
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