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Amock Comedy Magazine 3

AMOCK WINS MEDAL
Amock is proud to announce that it has won the prestigious award for
magazines called Amock. Amock faced stiff competition for the prize,
including from emags such as Amack (dedicated to burger lovers), Amick (an
Irish publication), Amuck (for the cleaning industry) and Ameck (dedicated to
dyslexics).
The medal which accompanies the award was presented by Lord Trivia of
Sillyshire and now hangs proudly on the wall behind the Editor’s desk. He is
permitted to wear it to State occasions but it is unlikely to see the light of day
as he is never invited to any. It does not fit any of the vending machines in
the building and may well appear on Ebay shortly.
HOW TO POISON PEOPLE
Before beginning on a course of poisoning people you don’t
like you should bear in mind that it is illegal in many parts of
the world. If you cause them any damage or, God forbid,
death, you are likely to serve a very long sentence if not pay
for your crime with your own life. Do you really dislike Joe
Henderson that much? Is it worth six months in gaol just to
see Big Norm Prentiss rushing to the john holding his guts
while great fountains of vomit gush from his mouth?
Poisoning is not an activity to be approached lightly as the
penalties can be severe. Best to have your alibis in hand
first.
If your victim only requires a little chastisement it’s quite
possible to cause this with meat products that have
gone past their sell-by date or which you deliberately
undercook. However, results cannot be guaranteed
and you may cause no discomfort at all to those who
have a cast-iron gut or are used to eating rotting meat. In
these cases a little creativity is called for. Mixing foodstuffs
which one wouldn’t normally combine can lead to some
interesting results. Deep fried chicken kidneys in a lime and
haggis sauce, comes to mind, but it would take a brave soul to
face up to a mouthful and if you have to hold your victim down
to administer the dose it rather spoils the surprise element.
If you are determined to murder somebody you will have to go
to the works of Agatha Christie for further details, but if you
only intend to cause some minor discomfort, hold a barbecue.
AMOCK / Page 22
 
 
 
 
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